Martha Stewart vs. Real Women

  1. Pretty funny, I think.

    Martha Stewart:

    If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,
    drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess
    salt for an instant "fix me up."

    Real Women Say:

    If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too
    damn bad. Please recite with me the "Real Women's"
    motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care
    how bad it tastes."

    Martha Stewart:

    Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it
    on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

    Real Women:

    Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You
    might still have the headache, but who cares?

    Martha Stewart:

    Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
    cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    Real Women:

    Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone,
    for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch,
    with your feet up, eating it anyway.

    Martha Stewart:

    To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the
    bag with the potatoes.

    Real Women:

    Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the
    pantry for up to a year.

    Martha Stewart:

    When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use
    a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any
    white mess on the outside of the cake.

    Real Women:

    Go to the bakery. They will even decorate it for you.

    Martha Stewart:

    Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before
    baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

    Real Women:

    The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include
    brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

    Martha Stewart:

    If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex
    dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that
    makes opening jars easy.>
    Real Women:

    Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

    And finally...the most important tip:

    Martha Stewart:

    Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
    cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

    Real Women:

    Leftover wine?????????

    Anyone care to add their own?
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    About deespoohbear

    Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 2,276; Likes: 42


  3. by   WashYaHands
    :chuckle I love it!

  4. by   nursegoodguy
    That was so funny!
    Aint it the truth though... real women and men too!
  5. by   nakitamoon
    Thank god,,,,,,, I am a real woman!!!!
  6. by   JonRN
    Martha Stewart: get caught cookin' the books and selling your stock right before it crashes and go to prison with a 400 # roommate named Brenda complete with a strap-on appliance

    Real woman: don't do that stuff and be honest and you don't need to worry about Brenda

  7. by   GPatty

    Love it!
  8. by   recnurse1
    I too am a real woman!! :roll :roll :roll
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I think Martha Stewart sucks. The best punishment if convicted? to be sentenced to watch her OWN shows nonstop in her cell for the duration of her confinement. That would suit ME fine. lol
    :chuckle So true!

  11. by   jnette

    Got any MORE ?

    She may be wishing for those leftover icecubes soon.......
  12. by   Mkue
  13. by   VivaLasViejas
    Loved it!! I never had any use for that snooty b**** anyway.....can't wait to see her finally get her comeuppance. :chuckle
  14. by   deespoohbear
    Martha's way :
    Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

    The Real Women's Way:
    Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

    Variation with the lime:

    Martha's way Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

    The Real Women's Way:
    Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, YOU'RE NOW BLIND!
    Last edit by deespoohbear on Sep 22, '02