MARTHA STEWART vs. REAL WOMEN

  1. Martha's Way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

    Martha's Way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

    The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

    Martha's Way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

    The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

    Martha's Way #4: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt
    for an instant "fix me up."

    The Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.


    Martha's Way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

    The Real Women's Way: Celery? If it doesn't have calories, why keep it?


    Martha's Way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

    The Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so don't do it.

    Martha's Way #7: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

    The Real Women's Way: Take a lime, cut it in quarters and rub it on the rim of a tall glass. Put lime in glass, fill with gin and
    tonic water and sip until the throbbing goes away (repeat as required).


    Martha's Way #9: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes
    opening jars easy.

    The Real Women's Way: Go ask the cute neighbor to do it.

    And finally..


    Martha's Way #10: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

    The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine?
    •  
  2. 26 Comments

  3. by   MitziK
    I have a sign by my front door that says: Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here! Thank you betts for making me smile
  4. by   hapeewendy
    round my house we call martha stewart
    "the crafty b*tch*

    nothing personal, its just who really has the time/energy to do the things she does?

    I once saw her make (I admit they were cute)
    these homemade easter baskets from scratch
    with her own chocolate etc etc
    and I just thought , that would be nice if all I had to do all day was make crafts n chocolate

    guess shes doin somethin right tho
    shes a bultibillionaire , and I cant even sew
  5. by   Fgr8Out
    ::mischievous grin:: I have this great little Tree Ornament Craft project I thought I might pass on to Miss Martha.... Angel ornaments made from glitter, brickabrack and....(a tampon). Think Martha will include it on her Holiday Show????
  6. by   mother/babyRN
    Now THAT was funny....I may be a Martha but I am NO Martha Stewart....Today I noticed that all 3 toddlers had runny noses...Fresh out of frilly hankerchiefs and even kleenex, I sacrificed the sleeve of my shirt...I would not make it to Martha Stewarts property line....
  7. by   mother/babyRN
    Fgr8out,
    Am getting ready to go through menopause, thus, have a tampon surplus at the moment....Just how DO you make those ornaments...I am treating my hot flashes as "bursts of creative activity".....Please send directions!
  8. by   hapeewendy
    heck nurses are incredibly creative ppl!
    we should have our own special!
    I could burn various food items no doubt
    but I could make a funky fortress outta urine hats and k basins (for childrens amusement, I swear I have never played at work, hah)

    and you guys could have your special on
    How to make ornaments outta female hygiene products

    ratings ratings ratings!
  9. by   mother/babyRN
    Gosh, I think we REALLY want directions on how to make those ornaments..And, those plastic bedpans (never used, of course), make GREAT potato chip holders at theme parties....(No matter how I try to explain that, it will never sound right...)
  10. by   micro
    martha stewart ain't ever gonna be
  11. by   CEN35
    lmao!!!!!:chuckle
    i had to check this post out! gawdddd......i get so sick of hearing about martha freaking stewart!!! like nobody in the world could come up with some of the lame stuff she did? too bad brian doesn't have a little smiley face that pukes that i could insert right here :imbar on martha stewart!


    me


    p.s. - i'll stick with the real women betts, ecspecially for #10! :roll
    Last edit by CEN35 on Apr 11, '02
  12. by   Fgr8Out
    Ok so I lost the original site for the "Tampon Angel" Christmas Tree Ornament. I'll have to wing it.

    First, you have to use the kind of tampons that flare at the bottom (which leaves the Tampax brand OUT). Tie gold twine about 1/4 of the way down from the top of the tampon (string side up). This is the head/face. Flare out the bottom of the tampon to give the appearance of an Angel gown. Decorate the face with eyes, face, etc... using gold or silver markers (or whatever creative thing you have in mind). Cut out little pieces of lace and attach to the back for "wings". Spray the entire creation with spray glitter. A gold pipe cleaner wound around and placed at the top makes a cute little "halo".

    I really wish I still had the site to share... as the picture of the final product really puts my lame little instructions to shame.

    I like the "Specimen collection hat" chip holder idea a LOT! LOL!!! Love all the clever ideas out there.

    Lori
  13. by   night owl
    I'm with you Rick. Get tired of hearing and seeing ANYTHING about her and put off reading this post until I saw that it got 10 replys....She'd make dog poo look good! I guess if you had billions of dollars, you could do everything you want with anything!!! .......******!
    ~Mich

    PS- I was thinking more of the smiley with the "to Martha Stewart finger" LOL
    Last edit by night owl on Apr 11, '02
  14. by   night owl
    Martha Stewart ain't no woman, she's a "Craftbot!"

close