Marriage...husband...kids...

  1. Hi everyone,
    I was wondering if I could get some advice on how you all deal with marriage and kids while being a nurse. Im just a college student right now getting my prereq's done before I enter the nursing program and Im finding it difficult to balance everything out. Either I become a bookworm and hit the books that everything else suffers (housework, kids, bills, etc..) or I end up doing everything else and my studies suffer. Feel like Im always in a catch 22! Not that my hubby never helps me, just not always to the extent that I need. Which I really love his idea of watching the kids while I do home work...he watchs the TV while I yell at him to do something for the kids. Makes for an unproductive study time. *UGHHH* I can just imagine how bad this is going to be once I start the program and Im doing clinicals. I'll come home after doing them and have to do everything else.

    Any advice at all would be great! By the way Im sorry for any grammer or spelling errors...I've been stewing all night about this issue and its now 3am here....time to finally go to sleep! :chuckle
    Thanks again!!
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    First of all.... welcome to the board! You'll find alot of support here!

    Second.... you're never going to get the support you need from family and friends.... IF YOU DON'T MAKE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR! Sit them all down and spell it out for them. When I study, I need this. And the night before clinical, I need this. On Mondays and Thursdays I need you to make dinner. And I need you to help with the laundry a few nights a week. (It has been my experience that men need these types of things spelled out for them!)

    Then, on Monday night when you're studying and the kids are bugging you, you will at least have that verbal agreement to fall back on. "Remember when we agreed that on Monday you would make the kids dinner and keep them out of my hair while I study?"

    It's not that he doesn't care, he's just not used to functioning in that capacity due to the previous arrangement in your home, and it will take some getting used to.

    Good luck!

    Heather
  4. by   Robin61970
    My housework has suffered and I have found that I end up staying up late and studying after everyone is in bed because it is the only quiet time in the house. I am tired the next day and may take a nap, but it's what I have to do. I also take LONG baths(whether in the tub or not) with the fan on and take my books in the bathroom........nobody bothers mom in the bathroom or if they do it's at the minimum. I learned quickly though that my house has to be second and my GPA first if I want to get into nursing school and it has been a huge adjustment. I did tell hubby that it will be hard to start cleaning again when I get out of school....so I'm not...gonna get a maid,LOL.....
  5. by   ptnurse
    OBNURSEHEATHER gave you great advice, but I would add one other thing that might help. When I was in school I lived near the university and I always went there to study. I just found everything at home distracting as I would rather do most anything to get out of studying. It helped me organize my life. When I was home it was home that was on my mind and when I was at the library, it was studying and nothing but studying. Besides if you aren't home on the nights your husband is watching the kids, then you don't fall into supervising him while he supervises the kids. (This is one of my hubby's chief complaints--that I want him to do a task, but I want to supervise him while he does it.)
  6. by   lilshamrock
    Thank you for all your advice! I will diffinately use it. I like the idea of going to school to study. I only live 10 mins away from school, so its no big deal to go there to study. Get me away from all the frustration of trying to study at home. Im currently doing all my homework at night after the kids go to bed, end up staying up until the wee hrs of the morning. In the mean time before they go to bed I try to do all the housework which by the time they go to sleep I'm just too darn tired to do homework sometimes.

    I'll diffinately make it more clear to him. I guess plainly saying to him...watch the kids so I can study isn't enough. LOL I should put much more detail in it such as when the kids want something that means you have to get up and get it...watching them includes more that just watching them do something their not suppose to be doing. LOL :roll

    Thanks again!
  7. by   kids
    You really do have to spell out everything to most men when it comes to "domestics"

    When I was in school with 3 little kids (my first class was on a Monday, baby turned 2 on Friday) I had to be very specific with my boyfriend (later husband) about what needed to be done every evening and who would do it:
    -I cooked, he did dishes
    -I did the kids baths, he put them to bed (including dealing with them not staying there)
    -I loaded the washer and moved it to the dryer, he folded and put it away.
    The last things to do at night was to potty & feed the dogs, gather everyones stuff for the next day on the loveseat by the front door and a room by room 'sweep' to pick up any stray items. On Saturday mornings we would 'deep' clean and could do it in about 2 hours. He also had to learn to take the kids with him on errands on the weekends. This was not a routine that we came up with in the first week and immediately pulled it off without a hitch but by the end of my first year we had it pretty well down and were able to fairly easily adapt it to changing work and school schedules over the next 3 years.
  8. by   ptnurse
    This thread is a real eye-opener for me. I thought that my husband was the only guy that would stand between a load of laundry and a sink of dirty dishes and need more details about what he should do to help. I love him to death, but I must remember, details, details and more details.
  9. by   kids
    Mine is, at this very moment engaged in the spontaneous, unsolicited folding of clean towels!

    Never mind that I have been cleaning house for 3 hours and he has been tripping over the basket for 3 days.
  10. by   Sleepyeyes
    I cleaned my house as soon's the semester was over--whether it needed it or not!
  11. by   MomNRN
    I am only 1 1/2 years out of nursing school, but will never forget trying to balance kids, house, and husband. I did like sleepy eyes did - only kept house picked up and marginally clean! I would do other cleaning stuff between semesters or on holidays. It was tough - I can't imagine doing it again. We ate ALOT of frozen pizzas! I was lucky that one of my kids was in grade school and the other in pre-school or kindergarten. I tried to get the homework done after my classes or clinical before they came home - easier said than done! Good luck to you - it is tough, but worth it!
  12. by   sharann
    Hi lils and good luck w/school.
    I have a little bit of nonessential but happy trivia for you: The students in nursing school who had kids and good spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends, were some of the best and most organized students!
    So consider yourself ahead of the game in that department.
  13. by   lilshamrock
    Thanks, I'd like to think of myself as organized but somedays it just doesn't feel like it when I have so much to do and not enough energy and time to get it all done. Guess it's just preparing me for nursing!
  14. by   renerian
    Sit everyone down, especially hubby and spell out what you need help with. Call it laying down the line, shooting from the hip or take no prisoners.........let them know exactly how hard and demanding nursing school is on your time. Good luck,

    renerian

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