From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.
The best submissions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue
COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
always see right through them.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But
consider, it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push,
he keeps trying.
Would love to see more....
I love the remote control! Now I can explain to my wife why I'm so obsessed with it! And I bet she'll never bug me again for it! Hmmm... unless of course she'll ask, "Well, which one am I?" since I have more than one remote control.