Lucky pig

  1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

    If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

    The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

    A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

    A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

    Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

    The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the ...?!")

    The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

    The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

    Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

    Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

    The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........)

    Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

    Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....)

    A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

    An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

    Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

    Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

    Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sear's hairdryer:...Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

    On a bag of Fritos:...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion)

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought???? )

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body" (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accident if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning" May cause drowsiness. (and...I'm taking this because???)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

    On a Japanese food-processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (and you were expecting... what??)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe,uh...fly Delta?)

    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to f ly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

    After all this I can only say....DAMN LUCKY PIG


    Dave
    •  
  2. 5 Comments

  3. by   DIPLOMATICRN4HIRE
    Snort , oink
    Oint,snort
    Zoe
  4. by   l.rae
    how do they KNOW it lasts 30 minutes?????..things that make yo go hmmmmmmm........LR
  5. by   cactus wren



    Now, about that pig?? Is that a male or female pig...????:roll
  6. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by l.rae
    how do they KNOW it lasts 30 minutes?????
    Exactly. How do you know when a pig is having an orgasm?

    Heather
  7. by   Lausana
    Who'd want to be the one with the stopwatch that would be an interesting job in the name of science...

close