Love & Life...Separated again...

  1. Hi Gang,

    Just a short post to tell you that after the couple short times I posted about a possible separation on the daily thread, I had therapy, thought about it a lot, and could not see myself staying,- so I left my husband, we are separated. Wasn't easy or pleasant...very sad. But he is doing pretty well, everything considered....and he has not had good luck at all lately. Not sure what happened, but something did. It is scary how feelings can change like that. However, I do have hope and optimism for the future....Not giving up on relationships because I know they can work. I really do. Maybe marriage is not the answer in itself though, as being married has never helped me stay in a relationship,-...but I know what can save a relationship, if it is caught soon enough, is talking and fixing the problems early....communication is a key, I think, IMHO.

    Anyway, thanks for listening...
    Last edit by NursesRmofun on Sep 17, '05
    •  
  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   donsterRN
    Many hugs :icon_hug: to you, Liza.
  4. by   jnette
    Communication IS key, just as you said, Liza.

    And both parties must be willing to open up.

    I'm sorry for the emotional turmoil.. for the BOTH of you.

    Wish you only the best. (((HUGS)))
  5. by   leslie :-D
    (((liza)))

    it sounds like you're receptive to keeping the lines of communication open, and that's half the battle. wherever it goes, i pray for a positive outcome that you and your husband will both find healing.

    leslie xo
  6. by   live4today
    (((((((LIZA))))))) I can both empathize and sympathize with you since I'm going through a divorce right now myself. It's my second divorce, and I still believe in the sanctity of marriage................my former husbands did NOT....thus...divorce being the option THEY chose.

    I'm glad that you are seeking therapy (as I have done in years past). Please allow yourself time to get to know you again before embarking on a new relationship. I am a "born again virgin" -- one year and nine months already -- and I do NOT plan on giving away "my treasures" again for nonsense. Sex should be a "gift" we share with the partner of our life AFTER falling in love with one another's "person".......the inside of who we are....not the outside of what is visably SEEN. IMHO......a man can find PLENTY of women to "have their way with", but it takes a "real man" to seek out a real woman who has something to offer him that no other man can get by a mere "feeling". I feel soooo empowered to be a "born again virgin" because this time I KNOW MYSELF and what I want and don't want in my life......including steering clear of deadbeats who only want to use me like a thrill, but not love me like his treasure. Do men like that exist? Well....time will tell. God has to literally send the man to me wearing a big sign that says "Sent by God to marry you 'cause I'm your man".
  7. by   H ynnoD
    Communication is the main Key.The times me and my wife almost divorced,There was very little Communication.Good luck on whichever way life takes you Liza
  8. by   NursesRmofun
    Thanks so much to all....Thanks Leslie for coming on to give me some empathy and a hug...I apreciate it. Relationships end for different reasons for different couples...but lack of communication seems to be a key in many breakups. But I stress the *early* part....if you catch it *early* there is more of a chance for repair. So, I agree Hynn oD. Sometimes it is just too late....I understand your feelings, Cheerfuldoer....You have been hurt. And you will have to do some healing and be cautious to start a new relationship again. I will be careful with my heart too....but I am lonely....
    Thanks all....

    HUGS!

    edited for typo
    Last edit by NursesRmofun on Sep 18, '05
  9. by   CseMgr1
    Quote from NursesRmofun
    Thanks so much to all....Thanks Leslie for coming on to give me some empathy and a hug...I apreciate it. Relationships end or different reasons for different couples...but lack of communication seems to be a key in many breakups. But I stress the *early* part....if you catch it *early* there is more of a chance for repair. So, I agree Hynn oD. Sometimes it is just too late....I understand your feelings, Cheerfuldoer....You have been hurt. And you will have to do some healing and be cautious to start a new relationship again. I will be careful with my heart too....but I am lonely....
    Thanks all....

    HUGS!
    I'm lonely too, but not lonely enough to to get my heart stomped on again. The BEST thing that ever came out of my marriage was my son and those three grandkids, who will love me NO matter what...and not because of some warped fantasy of what someone else expects me to be!

    (((Hugs))) to all!
  10. by   live4today
    Quote from NursesRmofun
    Thanks so much to all...................Cheerfuldoer....You have been hurt. And you will have to do some healing and be cautious to start a new relationship again. I will be careful with my heart too....but I am lonely....
    Thanks all....

    HUGS!
    :icon_hug: Yes, I've been hurt badly...and that word doesn't even begin to explain the pain I've been through in two marriages and after both marriages ended. Don't get me wrong...I'm very lonely for the company of an honest man. I'm just not willing to fall into the arms of any man for that comfort no matter how lonely I am.

    It's NOT like me to be without a man in my life because I am very family oriented and very much into being "in love". I just haven't met a man yet who also believes in total commitment to one another, monogamy, and true love. I hope I live to meet one of those men.:uhoh21: He must also be single, he must also put God first in his life, and he must also believe in our love as something real and something to be cherished, honored and respected. I wish you well in your journey towards ending your loneliness. I know there is the "right man" for me in this world somewhere...the world is sooooooooooo darn big, it may take awhile to find him, or for him to find me. As long as I'm breathing, I'm game to remarry the right man.
    Last edit by live4today on Sep 18, '05
  11. by   NursesRmofun
    Quote from CseMgr1
    I'm lonely too, but not lonely enough to to get my heart stomped on again. The BEST thing that ever came out of my marriage was my son and those three grandkids, who will love me NO matter what...and not because of some warped fantasy of what someone else expects me to be!

    (((Hugs))) to all!
    Even though I have had different experiences, I do understand where you are coming from. I had shared this recently elsewhere here and will share it again....It sums up my feelings about life and how we live it...
    The Leveled Life
    It is not of the physcial body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive--to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are. Kubler-Ross

    I love it!
    HUGS!
    Last edit by NursesRmofun on Sep 18, '05
  12. by   NursesRmofun
    Quote from cheerfuldoer
    :icon_hug: Yes, I've been hurt badly...and that word doesn't even begin to explain the pain I've been through in two marriages and after both marriages ended. Don't get me wrong...I'm very lonely for the company of an honest man. I'm just not willing to fall into the arms of any man for that comfort no matter how lonely I am.

    It's NOT like me to be without a man in my life because I am very family oriented and very much into being "in love". I just haven't met a man yet who also believes in total commitment to one another, monogamy, and true love. I hope I live to meet one of those men.:uhoh21: He must also be single, he must also put God first in his life, and he must also believe in our love as something real and something to be cherished, honored and respected. I wish you well in your journey towards ending your loneliness. I know there is the "right man" for me in this world somewhere...the world is sooooooooooo darn big, it may take awhile to find him, or for him to find me. As long as I'm breathing, I'm game to remarry the right man.
    I am glad you are optimistic as well! I think we all should still have hope. There are good guys out there. I know that. Keep the faith! I really am somebody who jumps in with both feet, and I should slowwww myself down.
    HUGS!:icon_hug:
  13. by   live4today
    Quote from NursesRmofun
    I am glad you are optimistic as well! I think we all should still have hope. There are good guys out there. I know that. Keep the faith! I really am somebody who jumps in with both feet, and I should slowwww myself down.
    HUGS!:icon_hug:
    Here's a place I wouldn't mind going to so I could "jump in with both feet". :hatparty: This would make me forget how lonely I am!

    Dreams Beach Resorts in Egypt! Wow! Never knew it was so beautiful!

    Last edit by live4today on Sep 18, '05
  14. by   Thunderwolf
    Liza, hugs and kisses to you. Totally agree. Commitment is a heart and soul thing too, being present. It must have taken alot to get to this point...so, it speaks of your strength...the road traveled so far. Being a "born again virgin"...how admirable. Again, this too speaks of your strength. I've been divorced two years. Was married 16. It was the best thing that we did...parting ways. Sometimes, it takes a strong person to not only say this, but to actually carry it out. Commitment...but, only if the heart and soul is there...otherwise, it is only two strangers living under the same roof. How can one commit to that? Like you, I sought counseling; my ex chose not. It was a hard decision, but only after much soul searching and much thought. The marriage ended. Liza, I wish you the best in your new life.

    Wolfie
    Last edit by Thunderwolf on Sep 19, '05

close