Living Together

  1. Hola Allnursers!

    I'm hoping to get some opinions, experiences-good & bad...for those who have lived with with a significant other (other than a spouse, you get the idea) I already know the religious stance on co-habitation, but that's not what I'm looking for in this post! (once again, you get the idea!)

    Anyway, what was your experience? Did it work, not work out? Did you choose to marry, go separate ways? Were finances an issue? Were you pleased, sorry with your decision?

    Probably more questions than a hyper 5 yr old I know, but hey I'm interested :imbar thanks guys :wink2:
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  2. 24 Comments

  3. by   JonRN
    I wish I had lived with my first 2 wives instead of marrying them, woulda been a lot cheaper.

    Pappy
  4. by   BadBird
    I agree with pappy, I wish I lived with my ex husband first, I never would have married him. My present hubby and I lived together only a few months before we married. We have been very happy for 6 years now. My thinking is you wouldn't buy shoes that you don't try on would you?
  5. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Yes it worked beautifully with my husband and me. We lived together and were engaged well over 18 months before "making it legal" and only felt pressed to do that when the military was moving him. We wanted to go together and being legally married was the only way it would happen. Both my sisters lived with their s/o before marriage and have been married long term now. Many more I know have done this too, with a large degree of success. I never really looked at as trial marriage, just learning to live together and deal with one another's idiosyncracies. I would have been happy to live with him a lot longer if the military did not make matters a bit more urgent.

    Many will recommend AGAINST it; Dr. joyce Brothers, Dr. Laura(sigh I wont' touch that) and other "PROFESSIONAL" counselors and "relationship experts". It really is up to you. For us, it was a great way to learn to live together and see if we were compatible; I was not eager to repeat the first mistake I made w/my first husband long ago. So yep, I recommend it. Married 14 years now, two wonderful kids later!

    Just a word of caution; be aware of community property statutes and what the State you live in has to say about Common Law Marriage--- should it not work out! Unless you have a clear understanding of your rights and responsibilities, you could be very unhappy that your living together was seen as marriage in the eyes of State Law and therefore community property laws would apply. Think about that carefully, first. Good luck!
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Sep 27, '02
  6. by   adrienurse
    Well I haven't, but my sisters and just about everyone else my age who is married have. Most of them are still married, so there you go. They also say that married sex is the best kind of sex there is.
  7. by   ICUBecky
    personally...i think it is a great idea to live together before marriage.

    i have lived with my fiance for over a year and we recently just got engaged. gosh, you learn SO MUCH about each others idiosyncrasies...when you are living together. you learn how to compromise way before you take the plunge. for example, i am somewhat of a slob and he is neatfreak...we learned this very early on...so we compromised. he wouldn't freak out if i left my shoes in the middle of the hallway or my purse on the floor, but i would pick them up before we went to bed. we agreed to thoroughly clean the apartment TOGETHER every 2 weeks. when he cooks, i clean up. when i cook, he cleans up. one week he takes out the garbage, the next week i do. i want 4 kids, he wants 2...so we have agreed on three. things like that.

    we also have had our share of fights, but it's a good thing, b/c one of us just can't leave and go to another apartment. we can go to another room, but sometime we will have to come out and face each other.

    we definitely made sure we talked about finances before we moved in. honestly, i am considered the breadwinner, but that doesn't bother him in the least bit. we each have our own checking accounts (which we use for fun money on ourselves or each other), but share a savings account (which most of our paycheck goes into) for things that we want to buy together, or rent, or utilities, or grocery store food. it really works out well!!

    anyways, personally i am glad we decided to move in together. i absolutely love the fact that he is there every night when i go to bed and there every morning when i get up.

    i also know a bunch of ppl who lived together first and are still married. but, i also know a bunch of ppl who didn't and they are all freakin' divorced. that tells me enough!

    becky
  8. by   recnurse1
    My man and I have lived together for 7 years... we went to get our marriage license today!
  9. by   Rustyhammer
    So, you'll finally be an "honest woman" recnurse?
    My and mine "shacked up" for a couple of years before we got married. It will be 18 years this December.
    -Russell
  10. by   CATHYW
    In spite of how I was raised, my husband and I lived together for 3 months before we were married. BECAUSE of how I was raised, we married at the end of the three months-I wanted my soon-to be-born grandson to have an "honest woman" for a grandma. He was born 6 days after we married. We have been married almost 6 years.

    My daughter and her husband lived together a little over a year before they were married. They have been married 7 years. My son lived with his wife for 7 months before they married. They are soon to be married for 4 years. I don't think it is the best solution in the world, but it seems to work.
  11. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Lived with hubby for about 3.5 years before we were married. I personally think it was a good thing. Of course, we had a child together already.

    Married now...... probably shouln't comment on that though :chuckle

    Good luck!

    Heather
  12. by   aimeee
    Hubby and I lived together for about a year and a half before we were legally married, and when he moved in we considered that to be a committment to each other and still consider that to be our true anniversary. 20 years for us come February.
    Last edit by aimeee on Sep 28, '02
  13. by   misti_z
    Me and my husband lived together for 3 years before getting married. I highly recommend it--it was good for us anyway.

    I was going to nursing school so he was left with the bills (I paid my car payment and insurance). I bought groceries and paid anytime we went out.
  14. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Rusty when in December is your anniversary? Mine is Dec 3rd. Married in Arizona...lovely day. Poinsettias all around, 80 degrees, sun shining, oranges and tangerines fully ripe......a day I will never ever forget. The best day of my life......along w/the births of my kids.

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