Let's see if I understand

  1. how America works lately.

    If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant.

    If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock-n-roll music or musician he liked.

    If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

    If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain, you blame the school for poor sex education.

    If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.

    If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroine was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

    If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

    If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

    And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the
    deceased blames the airline.

    I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates.
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   nowplayingEDRN
    BWWWWWWAAAHAHahahahaha!

    betts.....

    hilarious and yet profound truths are revealed with in. Thanks for the thoughts and the good laugh!

    Christie
  4. by   gwenith
    :Rotfl:
  5. by   kimmicoobug
    That was very funny, but so true.
  6. by   warrior woman
    Betts, you REALLY ROCK!!! Keep that great stuff comin'!!! WW.
  7. by   rebel_red
    and if a nurse gets her finger bitten partially off while caring for a combative patient it is her fault.....(see lgflamini's thread in general nursing)

    Sigh.

    The sick part is: as humorous as this is it is all true.

    Maybe I am just grumpy this afternoon....but I am so sick and tired of people refusing to accept responsibility for their actions....

    Here is my contribution (true story)

    A man was robbing a Home Depot. When the cashier opened the drawer, he reached in and grabbed for the money. The cashier then slammed the drawer shut, breaking a finger or two of his. He successfully sued the Depot, as "he should not have been injured during the course of committing a crime." Hope the cashier at least got a merit badge out of it.

    Tres
    (who is off to do something outrageous and inane as soon as I figure who to blame it on.....and hey maybe in the process I'll lighten up....)
  8. by   passing thru
    Reminds me of the one I heard on t.v. recently, re: Cuban refugees. If they can make it the 40 miles from Cuba to Key West in their little boat / swimming / floating on a raft, and if they put both feet on AMERICAN SOIL- - - - they are given citizenship with all it's rights & privileges.

    DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

    Mexicans, Panamanians, & all those South Americans who cross the U.S./Mexico border............. and are working here............
    All of those illegal immigrants are sent home.........to Mexico.

    But not the Cubans !

    Good thread, betts...........we live in a strange & weird country.
  9. by   H ynnoD
    I lost it I guess when I reprogramed my computor.I had an obituary for the Death Of Common Sence,it would have gone well here.Don't you all Know its always someone elses fault.:chuckle
  10. by   jadednurse
    Donny, is this the one?...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Death of Common Sense


    Today we mourn the passing of a friend by the name of Common Sense. Common sense lived a long life but died from heart failure. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices. He helped folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

    For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.

    A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including, body piercing, whole language, ebonics and new math. His health declined when he became infected with the "If it only helps one person it's worth it" bug.

    In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. Common Sense knew the end was near when

    Schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies
    Reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate
    A teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch
    A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student
    Schools need parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when a student is pregnant or wants an abortion.
    Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports. Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low-flow toilets, smart guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.

    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son Reason. Three stepbrothers survive him: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner. Not many attended his funeral unfortunately, because so few realize he is gone.

    Author unknown
  11. by   H ynnoD
    Almost exactly jadednurse,The one I had must have been a revised version,cause it had more examples....
  12. by   jnette
    Betts, I see you're still at it !

    Keep up the good work ! Great stuff !
  13. by   betts
    Sad as it is, it's all true. "What a Life!"...Huh?
  14. by   Mkue
    All True, that's for sure

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