Kids or not?????

  1. Alright, damn it........I've been surfing for hours now. Flipping from the childfree websites to the mommy/parenting websites.

    Look, lets just get right to the point of this post. I turn 30 in a matter of months. I have never been pregnant, have no children.

    Dh and I were supposed to start ttc next year....spring, maybe?
    Now I'm on the fence. Look, every time I think about having a kid, I think about my freedom going down the drain, my life ending, a ball and chain. On the flipside, I think about a wonderful child, fulfillment, family, the miracle of pregnancy and birth.

    ~sigh~

    My friends that are younger than me already have kids. My friends that are older than me don't have kids, but are struggling with infertility.

    I'm honestly NOT SURE if I wanna have kids......................like, EVER. I mean, okay, when I even say the WORD 'pregnant' out loud in reference to myself, I get NAUSEATED.

    Is this normal???? My bio clock is ticking folks. My eggs are shriveling. Tick tock tick tock. Part of me wants a family so badly. I love kids. But part of me says........OMG, my life will END!!!

    AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

    Please someone tell me I'm not nuts. :imbar
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  2. 35 Comments

  3. by   shay
    bump. BLEAH!! SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!!!!!!!
  4. by   moonchild20002000
    I don't think you are nuts.

    Its a really big commitment. I think most of us that have kids probably felt the same way. I know I did.

    I have 3 kids and I don't for one minute regret it! But,its the hardest job I have ever done!I don't feel like my life ended but it sure changed.I have to say that my life is better with kids. As hard as it is to parent I would not want my life any other way.

    I don"t think becoming a parent is for everyone and thats ok.I think if you have strong doubts mayby you should wait. You still have a lot of time to make your decision.

    Just my 2 cents worth.
  5. by   SusanRN2004
    No one can answer that for you...kids have been the best thing in my life AND the hardest!! Mine just passed through the teenage years so I may not be a good person to say...I think if kids came as teenagers instead of little and cute, a lot less people would have them....Those teenage years are so bad sometimes I wonder if that is why there was nothing written about Jesus during those years!!! (Just kidding)
  6. by   live4today
    Originally posted by moonchild20002000
    I don't think you are nuts.

    Its a really big commitment. I think most of us that have kids probably felt the same way. I know I did.

    I have 3 kids and I don't for one minute regret it! But,its the hardest job I have ever done!I don't feel like my life ended but it sure changed.I have to say that my life is better with kids. As hard as it is to parent I would not want my life any other way.

    I don"t think becoming a parent is for everyone and thats ok.I think if you have strong doubts mayby you should wait. You still have a lot of time to make your decision.

    Just my 2 cents worth.
    I totally agree with you, moon. If a person knows that they are not ready to become a parent, then avoid it at all cost because your life DOES change......and sometimes those changes are NOT to one's liking. You have to really really want to be a parent, Shay. Don't get pregnant because you think your "eggs are shrinking up".....become a mother because you desire to become one....to do so for any other reason is immature and irresponsible. :kiss
  7. by   shay
    Renee, as always, you are right.

    Thanks too Moon......you're right too. Heck, good responses all around.
  8. by   aus nurse
    Oh Shay, what a hard decision and one noone can make but you.

    I have just the one child, he has just turned 11. I tried for 2 years to get pregnant with him so he was dearly wanted and I do not regret having him.

    BUT.....it has been nothing like I thought. (and nothing like those damm ads on telly lol) I had never really thought too much past the baby stage you know (duh I know)....and it still blows my mind that I have responsibility for shaping this human being's whole life. I mean who on earth let ME do that??? The physical feeding and housing sorta stuff is not a worry...it is the emotional guidance (for want of a better word) that I mean. It is an awesome responsibility.

    For that reason I decided very early on not to have anymore. But, on the other hand, I have had the best moments of my life being a mum

    Probably not much help to you...I can see why you are sitting on the fence. It is a life changing decision.
    :kiss to you.
  9. by   l.rae
    Shay..we chatted earlier......what l wish l'd said.....never let fear make the decision....decide what u would do if u weren't afraid....and do it...the rest will come naturally....not easy....but u get what u need when u need it, not until then...have faith.....whatever u decide...we are here for u...LR
  10. by   debralynn
    :stone As you may know, I have a handicapped child and a normal child. I did not know what LOVE reallly was until I had a child. I did not know what a broken heart was until the birth of my handicapped child, but I also didn't know what hope, patience, pride, and answer to pray felt like either until he came along. I cannot begin to imagine what kind of person I would be if it wasn't for my two children. Yes, I am sure I would be able to do different things if it weren't for my son, but I am sure I would become bored with that! Thank God for my children! They truly do make me sane and insane all at the same time!!!!!
  11. by   semstr
    Why don't you just wait for a year or 2? or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6?
    getting 30, hey you're still sooo young! your eggs'll be perfect and waiting for a few more years.
  12. by   aj1973
    Shay, babe! I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm almost 29, married and just totally unable to make a decision about having children. My best friend is 27 and has 2 gorgeous little girls - the first when she was 21, I wonder if I've done the right thing by waiting I wanted a career, and money, and freedom before I had kids, but instead my husband and I have a mountain of debts that I don't know how we will ever pay off in time to have kids.
    I worry about not just being able to go out for dinner or to the shops, or to the gym when I want. I worry about not being able to give a child everything I would want to. I've recently started working in PICU and am now worried that i'll even have a child that doesn't have some awful genetic abnormality.:uhoh21: I worry about being able to get pregnant at all, I've never even had a pregnancy 'scare' - how do I even know if I can have kids??
    I think I'm going to drive myself nuts with all this worry.
    (*send me a private message and we can worry together if you like

    :roll
  13. by   RNIAM
    If your questioning then it's too soon. Give it some more time. Your still young.
  14. by   kaycee
    Wait until you are sure. You are still young. What is your hubby's feelings on this? You haven't really said how he feels.
    Children are wonderful, loving pain in the necks that you can't live with and can't live without. Make sure you and your hubby are on the same page and are ready at the same time.

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