just need to vent.................

  1. I just need to say this to someone and you guys are it!!! I have been looking to leave my husband for a while now and thought I had finally cracked it! he wont divorce me- not going into that now but have finally managed to get some money from him which enables me to get my own place- big enough for me and the boys. with me so far!? got the survey on the house I was hoping to buy and it needs some major structural work- was built in 1850 and the roof need strengthening, the chimney stack need rebuilding and a few other things! all of which is very costly and I dont have 30000 to throw at the house. so going to have to forget this house- which means I have thrown away about 1000. which I can ill afford. so back to house hunting. sigh.

    my computer has died and my back has gone- hurts big time!

    so today I am fed up and not sure what to do next.


    ps I will bounce back!!!
  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   Tookie
    Ok lets come up with some positive things to
    - I could say grab a nice cool drink of your choice and some chocolate - but that wont do !!!!!
    How about you get an old photo of him and put it in the freezer - put him on ice so as to speak.

    Have you got a friend who could give you a nice massage

    How about - going for a long drive on your own - turn up the music and sing real loud---- or go out in an empty tunnel and let out the biggest possible scream you can curdle

    Or maybe grab the cook book and make all your favourite things and share them with friends

    Go and look at that house and make a very long list and write them down - everything that is wrong with it and why you shouldnt buy - include things - you dont even know like maybe they have noisy neighbours or it has a ghost or anything that would make you unhappy in that house

    in all serousness Karen - you were not meant to be in that house another one better and more meant for you will come up - Good luck

  4. by   nursenoelle
    I can't think of any pearls of wisdom right now, except to take care and do something special for yourself- like a spa day or massage. I wish you success in househunting. This too, shall pass.
  5. by   warrior woman
    Sorry things are so rough for you right now. I know from painful experience how a house can turn quickly into a money pit! As far as hubby goes, Want me to beat him up for you? WW.
  6. by   gwenith
    Karen - so sorry to hear of your troubles. Maybe something good will come of all of this. Sometimes it does. It just might be that the right house for you is out there and just waiting for you to find it!!!
  7. by   Ted

    Here's a question. If getting your own place in important, how about renting?

    (Houses are money pits. Right now as a house owner who's facing the need to fix a leaking roof and to paint the whole outside of the house, I don't see the advantage in owning one. Wish I was renting now. . . . )

    Warm thoughts your way, Karen.

  8. by   passing thru
    I agree with Ted. Why take on a house during this stressful and transition phase of your life?

    Don't beat yourself up for spending the $1000. or 1000 pounds,

    congratulate your self for seeing it thru.....it looked like a good idea, you had to pay to research it, it wasn't what it appeared to be...and you recognized that - - - even though you wanted it for the size and location, it would be an "alligator" ...
    ( It would eat you up.)

    So, you were SMART enough to not sign anything.
    You used your head and not your emotions in your decision.

    We have a saying, ""Don't throw good money after bad.""

    It means don't keep throwing money into it, when the first 1000 showed you that it is a mistake.

    Some people , feeling like they are "losing" the 1000 if they don't take the house, would sign on to take the house and
    spend the next 20 years throwing money into it to make it liveable.

    That is throwing good money after bad.

    You did the financially wise thing, made a good decision.
    Pat yourself on the back.
    That's business.
  9. by   Shamrock
    Hang in there.
  10. by   karenG
    oh thanks for the support- you are great!

    Ted- most people over here buy houses- it is going to cost me 400 more a month to rent than to buy! which is crazy!! that takes it up to half my salary on rent- and dont want to do that! the people selling have been in touch with me and want to regotiate (sp?) the price- they are going to get quotes for the work needing to be done...........its a buyers market at the moment and they are deperate to sell. So I will just sit tight and wait and see what happens!

    Tookie- going to take your advise.........bar of galaxy chocolate, large gls of wine- australian of course! and curl up with a good book!!!

  11. by   nowplayingEDRN
    warm thoughts and prayers your way Karen (((hugs))) stay strong.
  12. by   jnette
    HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGS to you, Karen ! Thise "down days" can really suk.. but there's always tomorrow. And sometimes, it just FEELS GOOD to have a "down day".. so you can have the opportunity to EXPRESS all that yukky stuff going on inside ! Doesn't hurt to have a "wallow day" now and then. Actually, it feels downright GOOD once in awhile, right? So wallow all you want.. we know how smart, strong, and wise you really are !

    So enjoy the wallowing and get it out of your system, the be ready to rear up on your hind legs again tomorrow !

    We're all ears. And we're here for ya !
  13. by   Tweety
    Good luck in the house hunting. Sorry you're going through all that.

    Times have changed. So what if he won't divorce you. In this day and age, in the USA anyway, that doesn't matter. You don't need his permission to end the marriage. I know there's more to it than you shared, but when you said "he won't divorce me" that sounded so 1950's, LOL.

    Good luck and most of all peace. (((Karen)))
  14. by   Rustyhammer
    I hope the boys are handleing this ok.
    There has GOT to be something newer than an 1850 house out there. Take your time if you are buying.