Joke Thread

  1. to all:

    it would be neat to have a joke thread. some may or may not be appropriate? just pm me and let me know, and if somethings not appropriate and i will remove it.

    actually, this first one is kind of questionable? if it's too much let me know. i will remove it when i get home tonight, after my 12hrs.

    thanks, me



    playing doctor


    a little boy and a little girl were sitting on the porch talking, when the little girl suddenly winked and asked:

    "do you want to get undressed and we can play doctor?"

    the little boy replied..."you're so old fashioned"
    ..."spit out your gum, i want to play president"
    •  
  2. 181 Comments

  3. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to him and asked, "What are you in here for, buddy?" The dog looked depressed, "I'm in big trouble", he said, "My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep."

    "I know how you feel", said the second dog. "My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself... I pooped all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep, too."

    Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So what are you here for?" they asked.

    "Well," said the third dog, "my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life!"

    The other dogs nodded in sympathy, "So she's having you put to sleep, too, huh?"

    "No," said the dog, "I'm having my nails clipped."
  4. by   JMP
    Two small boys go into drug store, walk over to the tampax row and pick up a box.

    They go to the cash and the one boy says to the other "go ahead, pay for them, you need them".

    The cashier looks at the boy, and says " why are you boys thinking you need tampax"?

    The one boy looks at the cashier and says, "he is my younger brother, and the TV says you can ride a bike and swim with these things......and he can't do either, so we are going to try them"!

    Maybe an old joke, but always thought it was funny. Just recently heard it again.

    J.
    Last edit by JMP on May 13, '02
  5. by   CATHYW
    A little boy is sitting with the large family Bible in his lap. He is gently turning the old, yellowed pages. Suddenly, a large, pressed leaf fell out. Startled, the little boy cried, "Mom!" His Mom said, "what is it son?" Little boy says, "I was looking at the Bible, and I think Adam's clothes fell out!"
  6. by   CATHYW
    Sorry, ya'll. I hit "enter" one too many times. Must be my dyslexic fingers at it again!
    Last edit by Cathy Wilson, RN on May 13, '02
  7. by   RN-PA
    This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

    So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

    He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"

    But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

    But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

    He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

    A little voice came out of the box. "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
  8. by   semstr
    PM Tony Blair and President George W.Bush are sitting in a bar, chatting away about ....... well life and general things like health care and children rights.
    they murmur on for a few hours and the barman, while giving them a new beer, picks a few sentenses up and pricks his ears.
    George W. sees this and asks him: "well, what do you think about this?"
    The barmen says: "well Mr. President, I don't know, why do you want to kill one dentist?"
    George W. Bush turns to MP Tony Blair and says: "see, I told you, nobody is going to ask about the 25.000 Muslims."
  9. by   nursedawn67
    LMAO I think starting a joke thread is a good idea.....go for it!!!
  10. by   galenight
    ok.. I have 2

    A man goes to the lab for some work up. The lab tech explains to the man that she needs a stool sample, a urine sample and a semen sample. The old man, being very hard of hearing asks his wife what she says loudly, "They need your underwear dear."

    What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery man have in common?

    They both can smell it, but they can't taste it.

    (really really bad, I know.. please.. forgive me...lol)
  11. by   WashYaHands
    A Neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bartender, "How much do I owe you?" Bartender says, "For you, no charge" <dodging tomatos>

    If Snoop Doggy married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Pooh.

    If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.

    According to the Star Wars DSM IV, Fear of the force is called ObieWanKanobiaphobia.

    My other jokes would be deleted so, I'll stop now.

    Linda
  12. by   nursedawn67
    Originally posted by galenight
    ok.. I have 2

    A man goes to the lab for some work up. The lab tech explains to the man that she needs a stool sample, a urine sample and a semen sample. The old man, being very hard of hearing asks his wife what she says loudly, "They need your underwear dear."

    What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery man have in common?

    They both can smell it, but they can't taste it.

    (really really bad, I know.. please.. forgive me...lol)



    :roll :roll ROFLMAO!!!!!!! :roll :roll
  13. by   cbs3143
    Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by.

    They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the old man's problem.

    One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia."

    The old man said, "I thought it was a fart, but it looks like we were all wrong."
  14. by   donmurray
    A guy comes into a bar and asks; "anyone here own the rottweiler outside?" When the owner responds, the guy says: " I'm sorry, but my chihuahua just killed it!"
    "You're kidding, how could a chihuahua kill my rottweiler?"
    " I think it kind of stuck in it's throat!"
    or,
    A white horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. Trying to make conversation, the barman asks : Do you know we have a whisky named after you?"
    The horse looks puzzled: "What, - Eric?"
    or,
    In a different bar, after a few drinks, a man confesses to his friend that he killed his wife the night before. The friend is sceptical, but the man insists he disposed of the body in the compost heap in the backyard. His friend is still unconvinced, so after a few more drinks the man insists they go and see it. When they get to the yard, there at the back of the house is a big compost heap, with a woman's butt sticking out of the side.
    "Why did you not cover her up?" asked the friend.
    " Well, I needed somewhere to park my bike!"
    Ouch!

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