job descriptions

  1. Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

    Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

    Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

    Banker - A fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

    Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

    Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

    Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

    Lawyer - A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief".

    Mathematician - A blind person in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.

    Programmer - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

    Psychologist - A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

    Professor - Someone who talks in someone else's sleep.

    Schoolteacher - A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked

    Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the
    personality to be an accountant.

    Topologist - Someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
  2. 3 Comments

  3. by   twarlik

    Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!
  4. by   Shamrock
    :chuckle :chuckle
  5. by   Ted