I've sent my daughter to hell

  1. Ok so, my daughter is a second year college student.
    Last year she had the room mate from hell. This girl looked like
    Elvira, had problems cutting herself, drank heavy and ended up pregnant and having an abortion. We made it through all of that. Well this year we get a sweet humble room mate she has a 4.0 GPA very nice, her entire family including g-maw brought her to college. I think Wow! this will be soo much better. NOT!!
    This girl is dating a 15 yr. old and is hooked on porn! Whats up with this? She even had the nerve to approach my daughter and ask her if she knew another girl that would have sex with her so her boyfriend could watch!!! The boy is 15!! and even if he was older thats still warped! Of course its too late to change roomates, so she is stuck! DID I send me kid to hell or what? It seems no matter how much we prepare our kids for the world, its never enough. My instinct is to go and get her and say sorry but you have to come home, but I know thats not right.
    Any thoughts or suggestions? Do we ever really get our kids raised?
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  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   kittyw
    Can you talk to the dorm mom/leader?
  4. by   Sleepyeyes
    I think it's great that your relationship is so excellent that she confided in you.
    When my daughter was in college, all her roommmates were "great." No prob.
    yeah, right...
  5. by   nursegoodguy
    I definitely agree with sleepyeyes here!
  6. by   ptnurse
    I would go with my first instinct and pull her out. Of course she is a young adult and you guys should talk it over. Losing a semester of school seems not a bad option in light of what she is being exposed to. There needs to be a place where she can relax and feel secure. That place at school should be her dorm room. If she is not safe there then where. Maybe an off campus apt. with more settled roommates? If I were in that situation, I would be looking for a way out and I am way pass college age.
  7. by   BadBird
    OMG 15 years old is way too young, how old is this girl? I think that you are lucky that you have a good relationship with your daughter, it's great that she can talk to you about sex. I don't know what I would do, did your daughter talk to you about this because she is uncomfortable and wants out? I don't know if it would be possible to switch dorm rooms now but I would definately inquire about it.
  8. by   oramar
    This girl that is involved with a 15 year old could find herself in trouble with the law. She is a adult and he is a minor. God knows what she could be charged with. She better watch her step. If his parents find out they could very easily go to police.
  9. by   NurseDianne
    I don't know, just when you think "all clear" something jumps out at you. The sex, drugs & rock n roll (ok i was trying to be cute), is rough enough on college students. But to have perverted young people around well.......it makes keeping that GPA up doesn't it?

    What about a room swap? Surely there are other in the dorm who are not getting along.........Apartments are expensive and well as private dorm rooms. But, I don't think it's right to pull your daughter from school. My opinion. Be so very greatful that she talks to you~ what a wonderful thing.

    Just remember you raised her the way to be, and her openness and honesty w/ you is a credit to yourself.

    Best of luck!
  10. by   live4today
    andrewsgranny....as a nurse......we are obligated to report any child abuse that becomes knowledge to us. That said.....you are now obligated as a nurse to report the matter to the authorities so that the 15 year old CHILD who is being sexually abused by that LEGAL AGED ADULT FEMALE can be freed from what may end up ruining his young life down the road because no one bothered to intercede on his behalf.

    Does he like the sex and the attention from the female.....of course he does. Does it make it right? Of course not. It's illegal, and you have the power to save that young boy from further sexual harm......porno world of whatever could happen to him...and in the process......even save the adult female in question from her own self-destruction.

    Your daughter may be of legal age, but I bet you and dad are paying her college tuition, right? Well......If my daughter were in a situation like that.....I would intervene for all involved....your daughter, the adult female.....the young child.

    It's good that your daughter told you this. She just may want you to do something about it. It may be her way of saying "Mom and Dad, help me out of this mess!"

    Have a talk with her again about this. See exactly where her head is on this matter. Regardless......that adult female is committing statutory rape of a minor, and is dragging his young mind into the porno world.

    Ask yourself this question: If it were your 15 year old son, would you want another parent to intervene and bring it to your attention? There's your answer. :kiss
  11. by   LasVegasRN
    This may be my first post where I will get flamed!

    Oh, the things I could tell you from when I lived in the dorm. Some I told my parents about, some I will NEVER tell them about. Fact is, it's life.

    Please allow me to be blunt here: You are not going to be able to protect your daughter from the world. She is in college, she is living in a dorm. Life is now up close and personal. It's time for her to start learning how to deal with these things up close and personal. This is the proving ground. I'm not saying to throw her to the wolves, not by any means, but there is only so much you can do and only so much you should do.

    Now may be the time to go from asking "What can I do to protect my daughter?" to "Daughter, what are you thinking you can do to protect yourself and how can I support you in your decision?".

    Just my thoughts from a daughter who lived in dorms and a mother of a daughter.

    Oh - and the 15 year old boy? It's not your business. Stay out of it.

    My $0.02 - and no chair to hide under, I'll take it like a woman.
    Last edit by LasVegasRN on Sep 13, '02
  12. by   researchrabbit
    I will never forget the day I walked into my dorm room -- which I shared with a "friend" to find her naked in bed with her boyfriend, and then they asked me to join them!!!!!

    You NEVER saw anyone run away so fast!

    I told her later that if that happened again, I was going to the dorm administrator.

    I don't think we were ever friendly again, but he was never in our dorm room again, either...and I changed rooms at semester's end.

    I think Vegas is correct -- this is a learning experience in how to take care of oneself.
  13. by   NurseDianne
    Originally posted by LasVegasRN
    This may be my first post where I will get flamed!

    Oh, the things I could tell you from when I lived in the dorm. Some I told my parents about, some I will NEVER tell them about. Fact is, it's life.

    Please allow me to be blunt here: You are not going to be able to protect your daughter from the world. She is in college, she is living in a dorm. Life is now up close and personal. It's time for her to start learning how to deal with these things up close and personal. This is the proving ground. I'm not saying to throw her to the wolves, not by any means, but there is only so much you can do and only so much you should do.

    Now may be the time to go from asking "What can I do to protect my daughter?" to "Daughter, what are you thinking you can do to protect yourself and how can I support you in your decision?".

    You go girl!!! I do agree! I have two girls. 19 and 14. Of course ya'll know the oldest just got married almost 2 weeks ago. As parents we want to protect them. To do what's best for them. As I always, (well almost always, cause heaven knows I'm not perfect ), the honesty and trust is in place, until you prove me wrong.
    I suppose I would like in my either post, try to help her move, if that's what she wants. But, she does have to deal w/ it in her own newly adult way.

    love your post ( never saw the need to flame)




    Just my thoughts from a daughter who lived in dorms and a mother of a daughter.

    Oh - and the 15 year old boy? It's not your business. Stay out of it.

    My $0.02 - and no chair to hide under, I'll take it like a woman.
    :chuckle :chuckle :imbar :imbar
  14. by   andrewsgranny
    Thanks you all for the advice. I will call her this P.M. and see whats going on. I know that as a mother I need to step back and let her use her skills she has learned from home to deal with these kind of people. But I also know as a mother that its only my nature to want to protect her and go there and rip this girls head off and throw her out of the dorm and pick up my purse fix my blouse, kiss my daughter and leave humbly. I cant help it. Trust me my daughter has a mouth and can use it well. So I try not to worry abut that. But I worry have I prepared her for such HE!! ?
    As of right now she is only in the dorm to sleep. So she isnt around her. But why should she have to avoid her? Why shouldnt the other girl have to avoid my daughter? She's the one thats an idiot and a child molester. I think it should be that girls place to wonder where SHE can live. Wonder if SHE can get a dorm change. Anyway thanks for all the good advice. And yes I am proud of the relationship we have developed over the years. She is a good girl. And will be a good lawyer one day.

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