It's been two years since my brother died

  1. I've been kind of pensive today - tonight is the annual gala that I attended two years ago. The tickets are very, very expensive, but some benefactors always donate a few tickets so that some nurses can attend. I went out and bought an evening gown and really glammed up for the event. I felt like a true princess and I enjoyed the experience. It was magical.

    Sadly, it was that evening that my brother took his life and I can't help but think of him when I think of the gala. Things go through my mind that shouldn't, but do. I wonder about his last evening and how it compared to our night at the gala. I think about what he was thinking, the decision he made and him going through with it.

    I also decided that I couldn't go this year because I'm part of the gala video presentation this year. They wanted to do a tribute to people and those who they've loved and lost and they set the montage to music. I participated. They had us do a photo shoot with a photograph of the one we lost. I brought a photo of JP in a canoe on a lake. I

    learned yesterday that he and I really stand out because his is the most natural, unposed photograph. I don't think I could have stood watching it.

    It's been two years. He was my baby brother. Does it ever stop hurting?
  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   KaroSnowQueen
    The answer is....yes and no.
    You always miss them. It just doesn't hurt as deeply all the time as it does at first, and yes two years IS at first. It DOES get better. You DO get better able to deal with it. You WILL be able, eventually, to think of it, and even to speak of it without thinking all of these deep thoughts that come along with it now. Some day you can think of him, and miss him, without the tears, and just remember how much you loved him.
    I lost my mother violently and my grandson unexpectedly, so I understand some of what you're going through, and my heart goes out to you.
  4. by   leslie :-D
    anniversaries will always be painful, i think.
    my life can be rolling along uneventfully and then an anniversary comes up.
    i've lost a few people so very close to me.
    and on those days, i don't fight anything-just let emotions and thoughts freely flow.
    and the next day, i'm pretty much baseline and life goes on.
    so allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling.
    it's also a way of keeping his legacy alive, by yet another way of showing him how much he is loved.

  5. by   TazziRN
    My brother has been gone since 1989, when he died from head injuries. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and his last days in ICU. I promise you, the hurt does go away. You won't even know it's happened until one day you realize you were able to think about him without the pain. You will always miss him, but the day will come when it won't hurt the way it does now.

  6. by   dianah
    You've received such heartfelt and true advice from the other posters. My brother died suddenly 5 yr ago, at 40 yr old. The raw edges slowly heal, and while a scar ever remains, the pain does diminish. The love will never fade. Allow yourself to grieve.

  7. by   JBudd
    My dh died 7 years ago, went through my ER and died in ICU room 6, where I sometimes have to transport patients. Avoidance of the site isn't possible. But for the first 2 anniversary dates, my kids and I left on vacation, traveled to great places, stayed busy, told good memory stories about dad, cried some and went on.

    You may never want to face the gala again, and yes, I'd've cried too. But just maybe next year will let you have a bit of catharsis, and bring some normality back to that place for you. With time, I've found that room 6 isn't as bad as it used to be. Time numbs things. Still miss him, but not as sharply.

  8. by   muffie
    extreme hugs to all above posters
  9. by   clemmm78
    Thank you all to those who responded and for those who thought of me. I'm much, much better today. I was caught really off guard by my feelings last night. This time last year, DH and I went to a Dennis deYoung concert (formerly of Styx) and this time, we're going out tonight for a night of comedy with some friends.
    So, I'm going to make it an annual tradition to go out and do something fun on the w/e of JP's death. And, as people have said, the pain does get less and less. It already has. I tell people that all the time! It just is so different when you're on the other end of it.

    Thanks again, I do appreciate the good wishes.
  10. by   CHATSDALE
    all i can offer a shoulder and hugs
  11. by   pickledpepperRN
    My cousin, who was like a brother, died in 1966 at age 21.
    When our grandmothers living grandchildren get together we remember him and wonder what he would be like now.
    But is does get easier.

    You are in my prayers.