It sucks to be a mom of adults!!!!

  1. It really sucks to be a mom of adults, or well just bearly adults. My children are 19 soon to be 20 years old. My son is in college and is studing ministry. My daughter is in the army.
    I can not make the boo boos go away anymore. IT really sucks!!!!
    My daughter is depressed ( I think clinically) She finally told one of her supioror officers and they are going to get her counseling.
    I am soooo far away. Granted I could be farther away if she got moved over seas. I thank God she is stateside. But she is in Kentucky and I am in SC. I listen to her on the phone crying and all I want to do is drop my whole life and run to her and make this boo boo go away but I can't. It is awful.

    You know, you work everyday of your childrens young lives and your goal is get them on their own. The problem is one day they are, and you can't fix their problems any more. It just sucks!!!!:stone

    All of you out there who are mom's of older children my prayers are with you because nobody ever prepared me for this.
    All of you out there who pray; pray for my daughter and for my son, who will be going back to college shortly.

    Thank you as always for letting me vent
  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   debralynn
    We will pray for you too mom! I'm sorry you are hurting right now. Its good that your daughter is seeing a counselor! And wonderful your son is studing the ministry. Sounds like you got two big winners for kids. Hang in there!
  4. by   Tweety
    Hugs. It's tough letting go isn't it. Hope your daughter gets the help she needs.
  5. by   CseMgr1
    I share your grief I have a 25 year-old son, who is married to a LAZY little nitwit, who wants to do nothing MORE than to sit on her butt at home...and make babies, and complain and want everything that they can't afford, while he beats his brains out at work. She won't keep house, so HE has to come home and take care of the housework, and then gets two screaming babies dumped on him (one is a 3-1/2 year-old, the other 10 months old). In addition, it is difficult for me (or his doting aunt, my sister), to have an intelligent phone conversation with him, for she is constatntly interrupting him (my mother would have worn me out with a switch, if I had ever done that!):eek

    Anyway, I have a BIG problem with this lopsided relationship, for during the short time I was married (and I have to give my ex credit where credit is due), we shared the housekeeping and child care responsibilities, during the three years I was in nursing school. Not only was I attending school full-time, but I was also working part-time at a local hospital, in order to pay for our son's child care well as for the tuition that the Guaranteed Student Loan Program didn't pay. My ex also took full responsibility for our son's care (he was 9 months old, when I went back to school, and 3-1/2, when I graduated) on the weekends I had to work (as well as for those unexpected weeknights, when we were given mandatory care plan assignments that required going to the floor to research...not to mention all those nursing courses, in which I had to do clinicals from 3-11 (I didn't get home many of those nights until well after midnight, and STILL had assignments due, for the next day's class). And, then, there was the time when our son's day care center called, asking us to pick him up, for he was coming down with the chickenpox....and it happened, JUST AS I was getting out for the last quarter break before graduation. The poor little guy was miserable and screaming, with all the inherent miseries that the pox brings...and he was in quarantine for the entire 2-1/2 weeks that I was out of school!

    Sorry to ramble on. I know how you feel, because you love your kids (my son and two grandchildren were the best things I got out of my 9-1/2 year marriage), and when they are in trouble, you want to take care of them all over again. The only thing is, is that they are too old to spank (I would LOVE to have that option with my daughter-in-law, but her redneck family would kill me, if I did) It hurts to see them hurting...and not be able to intervene.
  6. by   oramar
    I think what you are saying is that it is tough to be the mother of adult children who are away from home. I agree with you there. However, I love being the mother of adult children. When they were little I felt the heavy burden of the 24 hour a day care very intensely. It was not until they got a little older and began taking responsibility for themselves that I started to enjoy them. My children are very powerful, independant people. I think that is because I made them do things for themselves as soon as they could because I could not stand to do them. I find the more grown up they get the more I enjoy them.
  7. by   GraceyB
    As an adult child, LOL. I thank my lucky stars that my parents are still alive and married. I absolutely love the fact that when I have issues or anything to talk about I can pick up the phone and they are there. You may no think that is enough but it really is good to know that mom and dad are always there to listen, give advice, love and send hugs and kisses over the phone.
  8. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Must be horrible seeing your kids make mistakes, have serious troubles and go thru life's pains, knowing there is little or nothing you can do to help. I can only imagine. Mine are not adults, nearly yet. I dread all this you speak of. I hope my kids' decisions are good, solid and make them happy, whatever they may be. That's all any parent can hope for, right. You guys have my empathy and support.
  9. by   H ynnoD
    I'm still waiting for the Teen years, which are just around the corner for My daughter.Exciting and Scarey at the same time.....
  10. by   kids
    I know what you mean beckymcrn.
    Oldest child just turned 23. Last year she got pregnant and the father walked. My daughter was totally devistated, even tho she wasn't far away it was pure hell to see and FEEL the pain she was in. The father did come to his senses in her 5th month. He adores his son and my daughter. He has some *issues* (very controling, poor anger management & verbal abuse) but is making an active effort at changing. He is in individual and they are in family counseling.
  11. by   Disablednurse
    I will probably get flamed here, but Csemgr1, did your son not help make these children that his wife "dumps" on him. I understand that she does not work outside the home, but she is there with two children under the age of four and that cannot be easy. First of all, you need to let him handle his own marriage problems and grow up and mind your own business. If he is old enough to be married and have a family, then you need to let him handle it. When an adult child moves out, they are saying I can do it on my own and you need to let them. Do not constantly bail them out. If you do, you are not helping them. They will never know how to stand on their own two feet if you do, because they will always come running back and never be able to be independent.
  12. by   beckymcrn
    Thank you for all of your replys. Yes the hardest part is that my children are away from home. Several hours away. They both know I am here for them always with unconditional love and support in whatever they do.

    Thank you again for your support!