I share your grief
I have a 25 year-old son, who is married to a LAZY little nitwit, who wants to do nothing MORE than to sit on her butt at home...and make babies, and complain and want everything that they can't afford, while he beats his brains out at work. She won't keep house, so HE has to come home and take care of the housework, and then gets two screaming babies dumped on him (one is a 3-1/2 year-old, the other 10 months old). In addition, it is difficult for me (or his doting aunt, my sister), to have an intelligent phone conversation with him, for she is constatntly
interrupting him (my mother would have worn me out with a switch, if I had ever done that!):eek
Anyway, I have a BIG problem with this lopsided relationship, for during the short time I was married (and I have to give my ex credit where credit is due), we shared the housekeeping and child care responsibilities, during the three years I was in nursing school. Not only was I attending school full-time, but I was also working part-time at a local hospital, in order to pay for our son's child care expenses....as well as for the tuition that the Guaranteed Student Loan Program didn't pay. My ex also took full responsibility for our son's care (he was 9 months old, when I went back to school, and 3-1/2, when I graduated) on the weekends I had to work (as well as for those unexpected weeknights, when we were given mandatory care plan assignments that required going to the floor to research...not to mention all those nursing courses, in which I had to do clinicals from 3-11 (I didn't get home many of those nights until well after midnight, and STILL had assignments due, for the next day's class). And, then, there was the time when our son's day care center called, asking us to pick him up, for he was coming down with the chickenpox....and it happened, JUST AS I was getting out for the last quarter break before graduation. The poor little guy was miserable and screaming, with all the inherent miseries that the pox brings...and he was in quarantine for the entire 2-1/2 weeks that I was out of school!
Sorry to ramble on. I know how you feel, because you love your kids (my son and two grandchildren were the best things I got out of my 9-1/2 year marriage), and when they are in trouble, you want to take care of them all over again. The only thing is, is that they are too old to spank (I would LOVE to have that option with my daughter-in-law, but her redneck family would kill me, if I did)
It hurts to see them hurting...and not be able to intervene.