Is this spoiling a child?

  1. Hello, I was wondering if I could get some expert advise on if I am spoilng my child. I'll tell you what happened.

    Today my Aunt asked if my nine year old could come over and spend the day with her and her two grandchildren ages 6 and 4. I said sure. She told me to pick her up around 8pm.

    While my daughter was there, the kids got into it a little tiff.. The girl shoved my daughter and my daughter shoved her back. The little boy ran and told my Aunt. My Aunt comes and says to my girl, (my Aunt is 79 years old) "Look, if you can't get along, I don't want you here anymore."

    My daughters feeling were hurt. She snuck in the back room and called me and said she wanted me to pick her up. I said I would. A few minutes later she called and said everyone made up and for me to just come get her at 8pm. Fine I said.

    After she hung up, my Aunt picked up the phone and was pretending to cry and said "Mommy, will you come and get me?" then she made both of her gradkids do the same thing. My daughter started to cry even harder and asked them to stop because they were hurting her feelings,and my Aunt said, "You're a big baby."

    I went and picked her up. Later I was telling my mother and she said I was wrong to go get her. That I should of left her there to figure out her own problems. I know this has been long to read but I need to know...WAS I WRONG TO GO GET HER? Thanks, Shygirl
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  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   LasVegasRN
    Okay, I realize I am biased and emotional when it comes to my baby girl but NO you were right to go get her.
    That Aunt is completely OUT OF LINE. I would not want my daughter to learn how to bully anyone or that it is acceptable as an adult. I would not want my daughter to learn that it's okay to call other people names just because they don't agree with something you did or with the way you feel. I would not want my daughter to learn that she should hesistate to CALL HER MOTHER when she feels uncomfortable.
    Sorry, but that Aunt would not get the pleasure of my child's company ever again.
    Last edit by LasVegasRN on Jul 2, '02
  4. by   live4today
    IMHO...NO YOU WERE NOT WRONG!!!

    You -- being the mother of your nine year old daughter -- had every right to protect your child's feelings from the abuse that the adult was making against her, and your Aunt should be very ashamed of herself, and apologize to your daughter for taking a childish approach to dealing with a child's feelings whom she was responsible for during her visit in her home.

    If the problem were just between the three children, then I would say, leave them alone a bit to see how they work out their differences, but at their ages???.....come on now...really. BUT the problem went from being at a child's level to including an adult who was supposed to be a positive example to those three little ones, and she should have modeled good behavior in the children's presence, and should NOT have instigated a "WHINY SESSION" between the girls by acting like a bully herself.

    Is your Aunt your Mother's sister? If so, the dysfunction is showing, and your Mother and Auntie are still playing out the dysfunctional teachings that they were more than likely raised to mimic. (See my thread about that on this website). Many adults suffer from this "dysfunctional family syndrome" today, and yesteryear. These same adults carry on the family history of dysfunctional treatment into the current generation of children in the family. Did your Mother and Aunt treat you that way when you were a child? Perhaps you could share your rationale for having picked up your child to those other two kids parent(s) and let them know your Auntie's behavior was very inappropriate for an adult.

    I grew up in a "dysfunctional family", so I know how damaging it can be, and how dysfunctional traits can be carried over into the next generation and so forth until someone comes along and says "ENOUGH ALREADY!"

    I applaud you for using your heart and intellect in your decision to go pick up your child. It's not up to a child to fight another adult's issues (what your Auntie did to humiliate her, especially in the presence of her two younger cousins). THAT is something you and your Auntie should work out OUT OF THE HEARING RANGE of those small children. I, personally, would cross Auntie off the list as a child care provider...don't care if she is "family", not all "family" are equipped to care for children. :kiss
    Last edit by live4today on Jul 2, '02
  5. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Had it just been the girls having problems, I wouldn't have gone to get her. Sometimes kids do need to figure things out for themselves.

    But your aunt crossed the line. Imagine that! An adult essentially bullying and taunting and teasing a child, then encouraging other children to do so! Your child cannot learn to "figure things out for herself" if she doesn't feel she is in a safe environment with a supportive adult in charge.

    Heather
  6. by   sunnygirl272
    you were right to go get her, in my humble childless opinion. your aunt was verbally abusive, and not at all appropriate in her attitude.
  7. by   bestblondRN
    I agree that you were right to go get her--if it had only been a tiff between the kids, then I would have let them work it out, but your "adult" aunt crossed the line BIG TIME! How unfortunate that she has no insight into her behavior or how much she hurt your child's feelings......I would be all over her for that sort of display of idiocy.

    Sorry.....I hate bullies.....
  8. by   shay
    A big ditto to what all the previous posters said. I'm sorry, but your aunt crossed the line.

    I would do what my sister does for my niece, she tells her that sometimes grown-ups can be mean and do stupid (silly) things too. Your daughter should be reassured that your aunt's behavior was not correct, and that she can always call you if she feels uncomfortable in a situation.

    Good for you for being there for your kid, mom.
  9. by   BadBird
    No, I don't think you were wrong, I think you Aunt is a old Bully.As a matter of fact I would not have anything else to do with that Aunt, do not invite her over for anything. Let the miserable old bat stay in her own home and if she asks why tell her you will not tolerate child abuse in any form.
  10. by   sandstormsdust
    the kids - alright they are still learning...
    but the aunt..... she (IMHO) has some growing up to do
  11. by   Sleepyeyes
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    Had it just been the girls having problems, I wouldn't have gone to get her. Sometimes kids do need to figure things out for themselves.

    But your aunt crossed the line. Imagine that! An adult essentially bullying and taunting and teasing a child, then encouraging other children to do so! Your child cannot learn to "figure things out for herself" if she doesn't feel she is in a safe environment with a supportive adult in charge.

    Heather
    Right on, Heather.
  12. by   kelligrl
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    Had it just been the girls having problems, I wouldn't have gone to get her. Sometimes kids do need to figure things out for themselves.

    But your aunt crossed the line. Imagine that! An adult essentially bullying and taunting and teasing a child, then encouraging other children to do so! Your child cannot learn to "figure things out for herself" if she doesn't feel she is in a safe environment with a supportive adult in charge.

    Heather
    What she said...and you shoulda poked your aunt in the eye on the way out...(JUST KIDDING )
  13. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by kelligrl
    What she said...and you shoulda poked your aunt in the eye on the way out...(JUST KIDDING )
    Actually, I think that would be totally appropriate in this situation!

    Heather
  14. by   kids
    Stuff like this just PIZZEZ me off.

    You were totally right to go get your girl.
    I would have some real choice words for the Aunt and, if I was friendly with the other kids Mom I would call and tell her what happened also.


    I don't care what the situation is, it is NEVER acceptable to demean, belittle, humiliate or tease in a mean way any child. It is also totally wrong to tolerate or encourage bullying.

    It amazes me that some people haven't read the news papers or listened to the news...a frequent trait in kids who shoot up schools...they were picked on.

    You just give that girl of yours a BIG hug, tell her that it is always OK to call Mom, and that some times in there are people who are mean and ugly on the inside and they like to hurt other people.

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