Is it just me or....

  1. Doesn't anyone go on dates anymore? I don't have a lot of experience with men because my first boyfriend ended up being my husband. It just seems to me that all men have on their minds is getting you into bed. I'd like to have some male friends but it seems as if it's all or nothing. I am separated from my husband and since we are still married, I don't want to enter into anything serious, but I do enjoy a man's company. A movie and conversation is all I want at this point, but I can't seem to get two words out before we are talking about sex! I don't want to have sex with anyone right now! Well, I do physically, but not emotionally and I don't want to do anything while I'm still legally married. I have no intention of reuniting with my husband. I also don't want anyone around my kids right now. I know this sounds juvenile, but I'm really lonely and all my female friends ( the VERY few I have) seem interested in having relationships that involve sex. Usually, they have a "friend" they go to when they are feeling--well you know. I'm not knocking that and I could have that if I wanted to--as a matter of fact I could have had it this weekend if I wanted, but that isn't what I want. Any advice?
    Last edit by Lisa CCU RN on Nov 27, '05
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  2. 24 Comments

  3. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    I think you just need to be honest with the man up front.

    If any pushing is done, then you know that they aren't worth another thought.

    I wish you the best. (no not that, well, if and when you want....) :chuckle
  4. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from Fun2Care
    I think you just need to be honest with the man up front.

    If any pushing is done, then you know that they aren't worth another thought.

    I wish you the best. (no not that, well, if and when you want....) :chuckle
    See, that's just what I'm saying, I don't say a word about sex and they jump on that topic! I'm trying to have small talk, get to know them, share a little about myself etc. and then it's " So when we gonna hook up"? What is that? I don't even know your last name! Can we go out first. Are they scared they are gonna have to pay or something? Cuz for all I care, I can cook us dinner and you can rent movies we watch in the house. Geez, I can cook my butt off. I thought men liked to eat. Seems they don't anymore though. Dang, my husband with all his faults, waited a month before he even started acting like he wanted to do that.
  5. by   Roy Fokker
    CRNASOMEDAY :: You ought to be closer up North and I'd be more than willing to show you you were wrong Hey, you say you can cook too! What more does a guy need?!

    No seriously. This whole "not really wanting to date in as much as want to have sex" thing isn't limited to guys - I know plenty of girls who think that going on a date or two without having actually slept is just plain wrong (not to mention wierd).

    I'm not going to be hypocritcal and claim sex is the last thing on my mind. I mean, I'm a guy, right? Sure it's on my mind.... but that girl better have a good head on her shoulders first. Besides, if she can't keep me interested in conversation, she's really outta there. And to know that, I need to know the girl, right? Besides, dates are a nice way to avoid potential problems later or - you know if you can tolerate some of their quirks early on or not.

    Sex is nice, making love is better.
  6. by   Roy Fokker
    Quote from Fun2Care
    If any pushing is done, then you know that they aren't worth another thought.
    I'll never understand why people seem to think coercion is better than persuasion. :uhoh21:
  7. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    CRNA, are you sure the "when are we going to hook up" doesn't mean "when are we going to go out?"

    Just a thought....

    I really think the "right man", whether it's one to just to date, marry, or talk to, will eventually come around. People always say that it happens when you least expect it.

    Also, is there someone in your life that maybe you only think of as a friend? Sometimes the person you are looking for is right in front of you, and you are looking beyond that person.


    Roy: My thoughts on that are: if any coercion or persuasion is needed, then one of the two is not ready to comply. When both are ready, when there are no doubts at all, then you'd definitely not have to coerce or persuade, and maybe not even have to ask. (...And people say there's no such thing as magic....LOL) :imbar
  8. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from Fun2Care
    CRNA, are you sure the "when are we going to hook up" doesn't mean "when are we going to go out?"

    Just a thought....

    I really think the "right man", whether it's one to just to date, marry, or talk to, will eventually come around. People always say that it happens when you least expect it.

    Also, is there someone in your life that maybe you only think of as a friend? Sometimes the person you are looking for is right in front of you, and you are looking beyond that person.


    Roy: My thoughts on that are: if any coercion or persuasion is needed, then one of the two is not ready to comply. When both are ready, when there are no doubts at all, then you'd definitely not have to coerce or persuade, and maybe not even have to ask. (...And people say there's no such thing as magic....LOL) :imbar
    No, I'm sure let's hook up means "let's have sex''. I was keeping it clean--they don't necessarily use those words. And no, I don't have any male friends at all and that's what I wish I DID have.This may sound dumb, but when I move, I have to ask my mom, sister, and dad to help me--I don't have a male friend with a couple of buddies to help me. My girl friend is always telling me how she's going out for drinks with her male friends, or to play pool. Since we live in an apartment complex that does not have washer/dryer hookups in the apartment, she says she can always call one of her male friends to come help her take her 5 baskets of laundry to the laundry mat and they stay with her and help too! I have been over there and she has a guy come over just to take out her trash! Maybe I'm just jealous, or lonely or I just don't know. I seem to lack the charm some woman have. I think I just need some male atention.
  9. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    Maybe I'm just jealous, or lonely or I just don't know.

    Heck, I'm married, and I'm jealous of your friend.


    I completely understand your feelings. My family always told me to get involved with church things, but there are many things you could try such as church groups or single parent groups.

    I'm sure you are very lonely. I was a single parent for 2 years. During that time I worked full time and went to school full time. There wasn't much time to meet people for conversation, and I didn't have the confidence to just go out by myself. There's times you need an adult conversation, and sometimes it's nice for the adult to be the opposite sex.

    It'll be rough for a while, but someone will come around.
  10. by   bethin
    I had the same problem. Haven't went on any dates in a while because of it. Every single guy, on the first date tried to get in my pants!! I know close to nothing about these guys but yet let's skip the get to know you part and jump into bed! It is frustrating. I don't say "let's hook up". I ask "do you want to go out on Friday. I'd like to see such and such movie and then we can eat." That's pretty straight forward. Nowhere in there does it mention having sex. I am not comfortable doing it on a first date, or second, or third. I have to know someone very, very well and that takes time. From now on I'm just going to tell the guys they can do themselves at home. I want someone who has morals and manners. Is that out of date?
  11. by   Roy Fokker
    Quote from bethin
    I want someone who has morals and manners. Is that out of date?
    Geesh! I sure as heck hope not! :uhoh21:
  12. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from Fun2Care
    Heck, I'm married, and I'm jealous of your friend.


    I completely understand your feelings. My family always told me to get involved with church things, but there are many things you could try such as church groups or single parent groups.

    I'm sure you are very lonely. I was a single parent for 2 years. During that time I worked full time and went to school full time. There wasn't much time to meet people for conversation, and I didn't have the confidence to just go out by myself. There's times you need an adult conversation, and sometimes it's nice for the adult to be the opposite sex.

    It'll be rough for a while, but someone will come around.
    You are right, someone will come around. I'm gonna go bed now and find a space between my kids--they are my only company for now. That's not a bad thing though--I can focus on getting us moved to Memphis and to nursing school--Yay!
  13. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    Doesn't anyone go on dates anymore?
    ...not as much as I did before I got married...LOL

    DH would kill me for that one...I tease him all the time about "juan", my fake latin lover hahahaha

    I have to say that when me and hubby would break up before we were married, I avoided dating like the plague. Not because I didn't want to, but because it just wasn't anything like it was when DH and I first met....we took our time getting to know each other, stayed up all night on the phone, met each others families...

    Now days it just seems like most men want to hit it and quit it...as my best friend says, who is single and facing same probs. *Sigh* just hang in there and don't give in on your morals...do what feels right...not what another person expects.
  14. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    My girl friend is always telling me how she's going out for drinks with her male friends, or to play pool. Since we live in an apartment complex that does not have washer/dryer hookups in the apartment, she says she can always call one of her male friends to come help her take her 5 baskets of laundry to the laundry mat and they stay with her and help too! I have been over there and she has a guy come over just to take out her trash! Maybe I'm just jealous, or lonely or I just don't know. I seem to lack the charm some woman have. I think I just need some male atention.
    Are they being "repaid"? I have a friend like that. Oh yes, she always has a handy man in a fix but it certainly comes with a price...

    Don't be so down on yourself. You are independent, smart, and intelligent. Just from what I know about you so far, you are nearly single-handedly moving you and kiddos to Memphis to seek out your education. Not an easy feat. I think that when you get used to male attention it is very hard to give up (believe me, DH has been deployed for 18mos now...i REALLY need some male attention!) But I am not going to compromise my morals...

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