I'm ready!

  1. I know I'm supposed to be packing, but I checked my mail, and got this from a vet buddy. It's not about this war, but I thought it funny, and might loosen up the tensions. If it doesn't belong here, I'm sure the mods where put it where it belongs.:chuckle

    A Call to Arms for Old Soldiers

    If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
    responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and
    Washington, D.C. But, I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old
    to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off
    to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
    until you're at least 35. For starters:

    * Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys
    only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that
    28,000 additional seconds per ! day to concentrate on the enemy.

    * Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
    is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into
    submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

    * An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
    until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on
    the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35
    and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
    wonders for the old beer belly.

    * An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
    early (to pee).

    * If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
    probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number
    would be a real brainteaser.

    * Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
    screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed
    a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than

    * They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in
    combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
    side, nor did I ever do any pushups after training. I can hear the Drill
    Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

    * And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
    anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
    He's still learning to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear
    pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts
    sticking out. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And
    that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an
    eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little
    more about life before sending them off to war.

    Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our
    hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right
    now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.