I'm not sure if I feel like crying for sadness or JOY!!!!

  1. My oldest child has informed me that I am a grandma (maybe)????

    Now, if there were not a maybe, I would be thrilled. He is old enough to parent, certainly responsible and has enough love in his heart to nurture another life.

    Here's the problem, he's not sure the baby is his. He is not sure he wants to do DNA. He desperately wants this child to be his.

    History: He was in a long term relationship for about 8 years with his high school sweetheart, she met someone else, got pregnant and delivered her own child 1 day after his birthday.

    Now...... this "girl" (23 yrs old) who I assume he had had relations with, just delivered a baby girl this month and says it could be his?????? could be?????
    This is her fifth child, I have never met her, but understand that all 5 have different fathers. :angryfire

    My son is under the impression, she is going to give this child to him, He does not love her, just the child. One question running thru my mind is this "did this person see an opportunity in my son?" And purposely get pregnant? In all fairness, I know she did not get pregnant alone, possible my son helped, if so, great, be responsible, but don't make any life changing decisions you may regret.

    Better yet, make decisions you can live with, 90 years from now.

    Thanks for listening, as a parent you only want the best for your children, and his desperateness breaks my heart.
    Last edit by NDivine on Jun 13, '04
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  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   leslie :-D
    if it is his, which can be determined through paternity testing, then i say congratulations....just make certain all legal obstacles are covered.

    leslie
  4. by   Rhoresmith
    You said she wants to give the baby to your son, and he wants to believe the baby is his ? doesn't want a paternatiy test? well then if he does that I hope that he doesn't change his mind down the road and have the test and then that will just break so many hearts. Your son sounds like a WONDERFUL caring man and if he chooses to raise this child I hope he get the Mom to give up all legal rights so that if she decides that the other man may be the dad and starts down that road you ( being the worlds best Grandma as all Grandmas are) and your son and the child have legal options.. Good luck, and being a Grandma is the GREATEST I know I am one
    We are here for you keep us posted
    Rhonda
  5. by   Energizer Bunny
    I soo hope he decides to have the paternity test!!! If he does and the baby girl is his, congrats!!! But, the mother sounds like a real *ahem how to put this nicely* ........well, we'll leave it at that. You never know what was going through her mind or what she's up to! OIY!

    It would be too bad if your son (and you) fall in love with this precious bundle just to find out later that she is not even his!!! I wish you all the luck in the world! please keep us updated on how things are going!
  6. by   Havin' A Party!
    (Oooops. Wrong thread. Sorry.)
  7. by   NDivine
    Quote from earle58
    if it is his, which can be determined through paternity testing, then i say congratulations....just make certain all legal obstacles are covered.

    leslie
    You are right leslie, the thing is he is not being rational, and does not think he needs paternity testing. He says things like "she looks just like me". He desperately wants her to be "his".
  8. by   NDivine
    Quote from Rhoresmith
    You said she wants to give the baby to your son, and he wants to believe the baby is his ? doesn't want a paternatiy test? well then if he does that I hope that he doesn't change his mind down the road and have the test and then that will just break so many hearts. Your son sounds like a WONDERFUL caring man and if he chooses to raise this child I hope he get the Mom to give up all legal rights so that if she decides that the other man may be the dad and starts down that road you ( being the worlds best Grandma as all Grandmas are) and your son and the child have legal options.. Good luck, and being a Grandma is the GREATEST I know I am one
    We are here for you keep us posted
    Rhonda
    Thanks Rhonda,

    you are right, now convincing him to do the paternity test is the goal. To avoid all heartache for everyone involved, I will bring up the issue of the child years from now, when our entire family is totally in love with her, and "what if" mom changes her mind then?????? Unfortunately, he is dealing with emotions I am not familiar with, and simply have to pray he makes the right choices. I feel guilty in a way, that I have not seen the child (different state) even tho, I have had opportunity, for that reason, She would be easy to love no doubt, but I wish to avoid the heartache, if in reality my son is not the father.

    Thanks for you support. I sure I will be back plenty a time to vent.
  9. by   leslie :-D
    your son is not acting logically now....i think it's really sweet that he wants the baby to be his but anything can happen down the road. does he live with you? you can always make that a condition...that he needs to verify that the baby is indeed his; if so, then the baby will be part of a loving and nurturing environment. he needs to act like a responsible father would, and 'wishing' does not make it so. come on nana, put your 2 cents in. he's being guided by his emotions right now. but potentially speaking? i think it is so awesome...a wonderful opportunity.
  10. by   purplemania
    Does he want the baby to raise, or does he want you to raise the child? So sad that the mother does not sound responsible for her own life, much less anyone elses. I would ask him to do the paternity test so you will know if the child is really your grandchild and he will know whether to expect to pay child support for the next few decades. Also, there is the potential that the child could inherit your estate someday. Even if it doesn't seem like much to you now, wouldn't you want it to go to your relatives or to someone you designate? Your son sounds like he is letting his emotion get in the way of making sound decisions. I hope you work this out and the baby has a good home.
  11. by   SmilingBluEyes
    In all of this, the ones I feel most for are YOU and the child. Neither of you asked for this situation. The child needs a parent and I am glad your son wants to step up to the plate. But I agree w/the others. A paternity test is a MUST to get the ball rolling for them all.............
  12. by   nurseygrrl
    If your son wants this baby, and she is willing to give the baby to him...whether he is biologically related to her is really not important. If he is willing to be a daddy and you are willing to be a grandma...go for it! JMHO
  13. by   NDivine
    Quote from earle58
    your son is not acting logically now....i think it's really sweet that he wants the baby to be his but anything can happen down the road. does he live with you? you can always make that a condition...that he needs to verify that the baby is indeed his; if so, then the baby will be part of a loving and nurturing environment. he needs to act like a responsible father would, and 'wishing' does not make it so. come on nana, put your 2 cents in. he's being guided by his emotions right now. but potentially speaking? i think it is so awesome...a wonderful opportunity.

    :chuckle Just a chuckle, my son is an adult, about 27 y/o never been married, never really dated, just his school sweetheart. Somedays, I wish he were still living with me, times seemed simpler then.
  14. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from NDivine
    :chuckle Just a chuckle, my son is an adult, about 27 y/o never been married, never really dated, just his school sweetheart. Somedays, I wish he were still living with me, times seemed simpler then.
    have him move back home with his baby (once paternity is established); oh that sounds so lovely. i cannot wait to be a grandma!!!!

    leslie

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