I'm going to be a Grandma

  1. 21 yo girl child dropped the bomb last night (or rather her Grandma did).


    Is a case of failed protection with a guy she dated for a couple of weeks. Guy has told her to 'get rid of it' or, if she has it demands she sign papers releasing him of any responsability. Her 19 yo brother is of the opinion that the baby doesn't need a father...it has Uncles. General consensus is that the baby will be better of without a father than it will with one that didn't want it.

    She was afraid to tell me (oh yeah, like I'd be the one to throw the biggest rock). She has considered her options and has made the decision to have the baby.

    We had a long talk last night and she understands what I mean when I say I am disapointed
    for her (not in her) and am unhappy for her (not with her). I hope this will be the motovation shes needed to get some purpose in her life.

    How ever it all turns out she's still my girl and I love her. I just wish she didn't have to go through this.

    As bizarre as it sounds on some level I am just a little bit excited about it.

  2. 14 Comments

    Hey nancy! First of all, congrats to you! You have every right to be excited!

    Let me share my experience. I was a senior in high school. I wanted to hang out, coast through the rest of my days in school, and then party all night and sleep in through the evening for a couple of months before I worried about what I was gonna do with myself. I was sure I was gonna be a nurse, but didn't know what kind, where, blah, blah, blah. I'm the type of person that cannot start something until I can see the final picture, and, well, once I see the final picture I'm too inpatient to hold out for it.

    So, at my mom's urging, and against my better wishes, I crammed up on courses in the first semester so I could graduate early, so I could start college early. For what? I didn't know, but it was what my mom wanted.

    Long story short, met a guy, and was 5 months pregnant by the time graduation rolled around. The situation is a little different in the fact that the father (my now hubby) was worthy of, and wanted to be a father. But I can tell you what that child has done for my direction, my purpose in life. I can tell you all the cheesy details of how after I had him, I knew I wanted to be an OB nurse, that a few months later I was a coach for someone else and that sealed it for me, that the very next day I went and "signed up" for nursing school. I can tell you how looking at him makes me want to be the best I can be, as an example to him. I can tell you that everyday, every struggle, I did it for him, and I did it for everyone who has ever knocked an unwed teenage mother.

    My mom was very supportive. She sounds alot like you She told me the same things, that she was not disappointed IN me, because a child is a wonderful gift, she was just disappointed that I was going to have to go through the struggle of working life out backwards.

    That's what I tell my young patients now. I did all the same things everyone else does (school, marriage, family) I just chose to be unique and do them in a different order. I tell them they can let their children be their excuse to be stagnant, or they can let their children motivate them to do better.

    I wish you tons of luck nancy! You sound like a great mom, and your daughter is lucky to have you!

  4. by   Sleepyeyes
    Congrats, Gramma-to-be!
  5. by   Lausana
    Congratulations Nancy! :hatparty:

    I've been there too Be excited....be really excited. That was the hardest part of being an unwed mom to be for me, people are almost afraid to be excited or congratulate you. I heard very little of that other than from my family and my best friends. (bf's family had already "made up their mind" that adoption was best for us, lol, I won't even go there) I didn't want to feel embarrassed or sad, I screwed up, ok now lets move on! I financially supported myself at the time too, so it wasn't like I was a delinquent, but people still felt sorry for me that it was going to be so hard for us. (sorry, there's still a just a tad of resentment there, lol!)

    Be glad the guy is out of the picture-that will just save her headaches!!

    Best Wishes Grandma!
  6. by   Brownms46
    [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Grandma to be and Mom to Be]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    Your daughter is LUCKY to have you as her MOM..
  7. by   Mary Dover
    Yes, my congrats to you also. I too, am a 'young granmama' (with the accent on the last ma please). There is NOTHING like it. I adore my little 6 month old grandaughter!

    As for your daughter, I too walked in her shoes, but I was even a few years older. At first, I beat myself up, for letting 'such a thing' happen. But this I know now - it was SUPPOSED to happen. Who knows what path I might have taken with my life, had I not been in a situation that forced me to grow up and finally become a responsible adult. By the time I found out I was pregnant, I had already pretty much tossed the idea of nursing school, something my family assumed I may do anyway. But honestly - looking back, becoming pregnant was the BEST THING that ever happened to me! The fact that I knew I was essentially in the pregancy alone, made me even more determined to succeed, and to be able to independantly support my child - WHICH I DO! My son (who is now 14) is one of my MANY blessings, and for many, many reasons!

    My son's father, pretty much told me the same thing 'that guy' told your daughter. The way I looked at it though, personally there was no other option for me, but to have my child. But you know what, the father IS responsible, at least in part, and at least financially! I am not certain of the legalities of his demand (asking her to absolve him of any legal responsibility), but I would definately check with someone who could answer that. As far as him being a 'father' - he in no way deserves anything remotely similar to that title. Let's call 'that guy' the 'sperm donor'. Hearing the way it sounds like you and your family have already accepted your daughter's situation, and have been so supportive (something she will continue to need for years to come) - your grandchild will obviously be loved. Take care you all and God bless you!
  8. by   Ted
    Originally posted by Brownms46
    [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Grandma to be and Mom to Be]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    Your daughter is LUCKY to have you as her MOM..
    DITTO!!! :hatparty:

  9. by   LasVegasRN

    (((( Heather ))))

    (((( Lausana ))))

    (((( Mary ))))

    You guys are wonderful and great for sharing! :kiss
    There are such great people on allnurses!!
  10. by   live4today
    Congratulations to you Gramma-2-be! :hatparty: :angel2:

    Being a Gramma of eleven myself, I've been down that road with all three of my daughters. It was never an option to terminate those little rugrats as they bring me MUCH joy! I wish you could see their sweet little faces because it would give you a jump on how precious being a Gramma really is. As for your daughter, she will grow up without trying because that is what motherhood does to a woman. I had a "strong-willed child" (middle daughter) who needed many kicks in the pants along the path of life, but today, she is mother of a 5 1/2 year old son that has given her new meaning to the word "responsibility, love, accountability, and cherishing life". She is a nurse today, but not until she went through the hardknocks of her life first. Let your focus be on loving that daughter and grandbaby in her womb. What joy will fill your arms on his/her birthday!

    As for the "biological sperm donor": Tell him he doesn't have to participate in his baby's life...no, not ever, but he WILL be hunted down for support since he thought his sperm donation was worthy of NOT being protected. Pleeeeeeeezzzzz don't let him get away scot free on that one. Tell him he can move to Timbuktu if he wants to as long as he remembers to mail his portion of his child's financial stability each month. Actually, if your daugther remembers the day/night of the conception, tell her to write that date down and hand it to the father on a 3X5 card to carry around in his wallet. That way he will always know when his life changed and WHY - therefore causing him to recall that date each month when his hand is writing out the child's support check - even in his lifelong absence from seeing the child grow up.
  11. by   JJFROG
    How lucky she is to have you! (and the uncle to be!)
  12. by   Cubby
    Wheee! Congrats! I have 7 grandkids and they are the reason I keep going. Both of my daughters had their children early and yes, I was a little worried about all the things you are worried about right now. It all works out. Being Bon-Bon (their name for me, don't know why but hey!) is the greatest joy in my life.Fun? You bet. I get to spoil my babies and send them home! Have a wonderous time, and keep us informed.
  13. by   prn nurse
    There is a lesson here for mothers of sons
  14. by   live4today
    Originally posted by prn nurse
    There is a lesson here for mothers of sons
    I soooooo agree with that statement, prn nurse! I sent my daughters each a book on raising sons in today's society. Each book addresses issues that deal with raising gentlemen for the future lady in their life. Girls need to also be raised to receive their future gentleman, so the challenge of raising children goes both ways. They must not only be taught how to be ladies and gentlemen, but those lessons must be CAUGHT as well by the role models their parents live on a daily basis.

    I saw a program the other day that was talking about how teens are finally getting the message of the dangers involved with premarital sex, and are opting to stay virgins until marriage. I think this would be wonderful, and I certainly plan on strongly encouraging my granddaughters and grandsons to remain virgins until their special spouse comes along. Teaching our children how precious and valuable the male seed and the female egg are should become a priority.