If I may, I have an idea reagarding DISCUSSIONS

  1. can we try to have a conversation with others on a topic about why it is hard to have a discussion.

    rules are as follows:

    1. only respond to my original question in your honest opinion or stated [linked] facts.

    2. do not read any one's elses post before replying to my initial post.

    3. after replying, then and only then read with an open mind the next person's reply and only after reading and thinking for a bit, replying to whomever's post you agree with and then with a seperate post, reply to the person's post you do not agree with.

    4. please, do not based your response to a person's post simply because you like the person and please, do not based your response to a person's post simply because you do not like the person.

    5. remember, if you are easily offended, steer clear of this thread as this is a "test" thread to prompt an adult, mature, polite and honest discussion.

    6. please, be brief in your replies and be direct and clear to the point.

    7. if you don't like this idea, simply move on, thanks.

    8. please, be mindful that using paragraphs makes for better reading.

    9. after reading to the quoted agreeing or disagreeing post, read and think before posting.

    10. finally, if your only reply will be to prompt a laugh about this idea, please, don't repond.

    any one willing to try!

    remember the question is simply, why do you feel it is hard to have a decent discussion?



    who will join me in this discussion?
    Last edit by Love-A-Nurse on Feb 22, '03
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  2. 48 Comments

  3. by   Love-A-Nurse
    i will start, it is my honest opinion the reasons why we as a whole are not able to have an open discussion regardless of topic on these boards, is due to the lack of some not realizing opinions are just that, opinions [neither wrong nor right] and facts are just that facts [and deserve a stated or provided link or reference to support said topic
  4. by   karenG
    some good points here. I try not say anything I wouldnt say to someones face. this is about opinions- and personalities get in the way. there are some really strong ladies on this board!! (when are you all standing for president?) Guess sometimes people flame each other without thinking! But that happens in real life- sometimes I open my mouth without engaging my brain! and maybe somtimes people need to brought up short and made to think about what they really meant.

    I think that discussions take place, just that like all discussions sometimes they degenerate into arguments and we flame each other. But no one is hurt, maybe our pride is hurt! I've been flamed and its made me think about what I really meant to say, because thats the problem here, you have to be careful about how you say things- they may not always be interpreted the way you meant them. For me its hard sometimes, 'cos somethimes you all say things that I dont understand and maybe we use words in different ways. Your jargon is weird too! But then you must have that problem in reverse!

    so as Heather said earlier, in the words of Thumbers mum, if you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all!!! maybe we should remember that sometimes! But why take the fun out of life!!!!!


    Karen (now doning fire proof suit!)
  5. by   Tweety
    (I haven't read the other's responses yet.)

    But I really don't think it's all that hard to have a decent discussion. Are you talking about in real life, or on a message board.

    I think the biggest barrier to conversations and discussions lack of listening. We are so busy concentrating on ourselves and what we are going to say that we miss out.

    Also, like you said. Open-mindedness to differing opinions, and a willingness to even change our minds when we are wrong, is tough.

    Listening is an art.
  6. by   Tweety
    now i have read the posts.


    originally posted by love-a-nurse
    i will start, it is my honest opinion the reasons why we as a whole are not able to have an open discussion regardless of topic on these boards, is due to the lack of some not realizing opinions are just that, opinions [neither wrong nor right] and facts are just that facts [and deserve a stated or provided link or reference to support said topic
    can you back up you statement "we as a whole are not able to have an open discussion regardless of topic on these boards..." with some facts? what makes you think this? have you counted the number of topics and then concluded that out of x number of topics the majority deteriorate in "not open" discussions (for lack of a better word).

    i think sometimes, there are waves of negativities on boards. things get hot for a while and then settle down. people come and go, flame wars break out, opinions yelled, etc.

    but i would have to disagree with you. as a "whole" i think there are more good dicsussions than not on this board. that's why we keep coming back.

    don't let the flame wars and the negative discussions sour you against the whole board.

    that's my two cents. :chuckle
  7. by   aimeee
    I think we DO have many discussions on this board that go pretty well. The rules you have posted touch on some of the things that interfere. We are a diverse group and sometimes the things others say here may touch a nerve for one or more of us.

    I think we see the most trouble in discussions where people make value judgments about other large groups of people based on their "membership" in that group, be it religious, racial, political, sexual orientation, etc. One person will make a generalization about a group and then a "member" of that group comes along and takes that statement as a personal affront, posts a rebuttal, and then pretty soon other posters jump into the fray with personal rebukes.
  8. by   Q.
    I also generally think most discussions go well.

    But we are all human, have different experiences and "issues" that effect how we interpret a situation. It would be impossible and downright sad to remove the human element from such discussions. But I also think you make a valid point concerning the confusion of "opinion" and "facts."
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by 3rdshiftguy
    now i have read the posts.




    "can you back up you statement "we as a whole are not able to have an open discussion regardless of topic on these boards..." with some facts?" "

    "what makes you think this?"

    with all due respect, my complete sentence, i feel, answered your question. which stated, it is my honest opinion that we as a whole are not able to have an open discussion regardless of topics on these boards, [the answer] is due to some not realizing that opinions are just that, opinions [neither wrong nor right] and facts are just that, facts [it deserves a stated or provided link or reference regarding said topic is.
  10. by   cactus wren
    Ok, I`m game....

    First....This BB draws nurses from many different parts of the world, and what seems like a logical point of view from this redneck in the boomies of Az, sounds radical to a cosmopolitan person who lives in say NYC....and vice versa.....

    We also bring our serarate life experiances here....and one persons poison is anothers nectar....

    Remember.....I have the right to my opinions...even if you don`t agree with me....and you have the right to yours......and being only human...sometimes we can loudly disagree....

    And , as my dear Granmother always said....." Good manners don`t cost anything" So if you do disagree with some one, iy doesn`t hurt ...in fact is good...to be polite in your disagreement.....doesn`t happen often I know....

    I find that I completely disagree with a thread, I usually just don`t post....no sense in flaming anyone....we are all entitled to our own feelings and beliefs...unless they are actually endangering someone, and I don`t really see how that could happen here...though I often read them...gotts see what`s going on...
  11. by   ShandyLynnRN
    My personal opinion about the "discussions" that seem to get out of hand: sometimes it seems to me that people gang up on others. AT TIMES (not all the time, mind you) it reminds me a lot of high school cliques... at other times, it seems to me that people don't want to let other points of view come across without bashing them. At other times, I notice an "I'm right and you are wrong" scenario.

    there are even times where I sense that some posters feel that they are better than other posters because of points of view. I think that is what causes the defensiveness to come out.

    then there are the times where certain posters are just plain out of line, rude, discriminating, or TSTL.

    JMHO.
  12. by   WashYaHands
    Remember the question is simply, why do YOU feel it is hard to have a decent discussion?
    I don't feel that it's hard to have a decent discussion on this board. There are many decent discussions on this board with many views, opinions, links, etc. that have equal merit. Just because people don't agree with eachother on an issue, doesnt mean that the discussion isn't decent. That's what debate is about (expressing opposing views). It is debate, dialogue, discussion, not necessarily a fight.

    Personally, I try to check my attitude at the door (doesnt always happen, but I try). I have found that if I'm in a bad mood or have a bad attitude, it effects the way in which I perceive others posts. It also effects how I post. Try not to take it personally and don't insert emotion when reading where there is none. That's my opinion about discussions. You're all a great bunch of people. Just because I may not agree, doesnt mean I don't like you as a person.

    Linda
  13. by   Sleepyeyes
    I sincerely believe it's hard to have an honest discussion because:

    1. Personal issues cloud the poster's emotions==I suppose that's a given. People who feel inadequate in their personal lives always feel they have to "prove" themselves intellectually. Some of them become less seekers of truth than they are infatuated with their witticisms--- it's amazing how some things just never change, and snobbery is one of them.

    2. People don't realize how strongly influenced by their cultural group they are. For instance, I went back to college after a 10-year absence, and I was shocked at how "politically correct" this generation had become, never realizing that they'd been diverted from a reality-based education. Some folks labelled it "the dumbing=down of America." But the result is the same: "world-issue ignorance" due to "cultural-issue correctness."

    In other words, suddenly the substance of what was said became less important than which group was saying it.
  14. by   TX Guy
    Hi Loveanurse

    I can understand when people become frustrated on this board.
    I personaly have felt insulted on here before and actualy lost sleep thinking about the grand way I was going to humiliate this person next chance I had. Of course I wouldn't realy do it, because I respect myself and the other members too much.

    That being said, that same kind of freedom of speech and diversity is what makes this bulliten board and America great.
    I love diversity and embrace it even when the other person doesn't respond the way I want or communicate like I do.

    I have learned to stay away from posts that would push my buttons. And sometimes I have to take a break from the board If I start taking it too serious. I reserve the right to make a post that dosn't show my best side, and give everyone else that same freedom.

    Thanks
    Paul

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