If I Ever Speak About Having Another Party........

  1. .......pleeeeeeze talk me out of it!!

    As you all know, my dh and I just had our 25th anniversary, and yesterday we threw ourselves a big bash complete with about $500 worth of decorations, food, beer, and other libations. We invited most of our co-workers, family, friends, acquaintances.......even our bosses. And out of the hundred or so people we invited, FIVE---count 'em, five---showed up. Even my sister, who had enough energy to go to the farmer's market and sit through a three-hour hair appointment yesterday, couldn't muster up enough social graces to come. In fact, the only folks who bothered were our landlords and Micah's grandparents, plus a lone colleague of Bill's. Not a single one of my colleagues came, even though I put out invitations and maps to our home in every department, as well as inviting people personally.

    To say that we were disappointed is the understatement of the month........here we were, celebrating a milestone in our lives, in our beautiful home that's taken a week to clean and prepare, with food and drinks for a hundred, and only twelve people altogether to enjoy it. I will say that our eldest dd and SIL came through in a BIG way, making food, taking pictures, and keeping our spirits up as the hours passed, and our sons were also the gracious hosts, filling drink orders and being on their best behavior; and for that we were both thankful to the point of tears.......they made us so proud. :angel2: And the few who did come, brought cards and gifts and entertained us with great stories from their own longtime marriages.

    But out of all the wasted time, effort, and resources, I guess we learned some valuable lessons........who our real friends are, and more importantly, who they aren't. Maybe by the time our 50th rolls around, we'll have discovered how to make REAL friends ---either that, or we'll have decided that the only people we can count on are a few family members and our landlords!

    So now I get to go in to work tomorrow, feeling like Charlie Brown all over again, like I did way back in fifth grade when I invited 12 classmates to my birthday party and only one, my best friend, showed up. Part of me wants to walk in and tell everybody "Hey, thanks for NOT coming to my party Saturday", while the other part just wants to curl up inside myself and save what's left of my shredded dignity by pretending the whole thing never happened. I don't often say the word 'never', but at this point I am perfectly comfortable with the idea that I will NEVER take this sort of risk again.......brings back too many bad memories of my childhood and teen years, of being a loser, of sitting at home with my parents watching "Police Woman" on Friday nights, of sleep-overs never invited to and proms never attended.

    Oh well, que sera, sera......... at least, we have a well-stocked fridge, a book full of photos and a really clean house!
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  2. 25 Comments

  3. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from mjlrn97
    .......pleeeeeeze talk me out of it!!

    As you all know, my dh and I just had our 25th anniversary, and yesterday we threw ourselves a big bash complete with about $500 worth of decorations, food, beer, and other libations. We invited most of our co-workers, family, friends, acquaintances.......even our bosses. And out of the hundred or so people we invited, FIVE---count 'em, five---showed up. Even my sister, who had enough energy to go to the farmer's market and sit through a three-hour hair appointment yesterday, couldn't muster up enough social graces to come. In fact, the only folks who bothered were our landlords and Micah's grandparents, plus a lone colleague of Bill's. Not a single one of my colleagues came, even though I put out invitations and maps to our home in every department, as well as inviting people personally.

    To say that we were disappointed is the understatement of the month........here we were, celebrating a milestone in our lives, in our beautiful home that's taken a week to clean and prepare, with food and drinks for a hundred, and only twelve people altogether to enjoy it. I will say that our eldest dd and SIL came through in a BIG way, making food, taking pictures, and keeping our spirits up as the hours passed, and our sons were also the gracious hosts, filling drink orders and being on their best behavior; and for that we were both thankful to the point of tears.......they made us so proud. :angel2: And the few who did come, brought cards and gifts and entertained us with great stories from their own longtime marriages.

    But out of all the wasted time, effort, and resources, I guess we learned some valuable lessons........who our real friends are, and more importantly, who they aren't. Maybe by the time our 50th rolls around, we'll have discovered how to make REAL friends ---either that, or we'll have decided that the only people we can count on are a few family members and our landlords!

    So now I get to go in to work tomorrow, feeling like Charlie Brown all over again, like I did way back in fifth grade when I invited 12 classmates to my birthday party and only one, my best friend, showed up. Part of me wants to walk in and tell everybody "Hey, thanks for NOT coming to my party Saturday", while the other part just wants to curl up inside myself and save what's left of my shredded dignity by pretending the whole thing never happened. I don't often say the word 'never', but at this point I am perfectly comfortable with the idea that I will NEVER take this sort of risk again.......brings back too many bad memories of my childhood and teen years, of being a loser, of sitting at home with my parents watching "Police Woman" on Friday nights, of sleep-overs never invited to and proms never attended.

    Oh well, que sera, sera......... at least, we have a well-stocked fridge, a book full of photos and a really clean house!
    I've had that happen before, a couple times but the last time was the worst. I don't know who was more embarassed, me, or my guests who were embarassed FOR me. There is NO good explanation or excuse on the part of those who didn't come - all I can say is that I would have come, cuz I think you are a love on the boards.

    What I DO have to console myself is that the people who DID come DO care for me (and in your case, your kids, too, God bless 'em) and many people can't count on one hand the friends that they have. You've got a wonderful family and a home to party in and the ability to clean the house and stock the bar and the fridge...

    Ok, NOT a totally lame attempt to make you feel better - LOL - I wish I could hug you and make it better!
  4. by   VivaLasViejas
    You already have, dear.......more than you know.

    Thank you. :kiss :icon_hug:
  5. by   jkaee
    Oh, Marla, what can I say???? ((((Hugs))))

    It truly saddens me that people, for the most part, don't seem to want to take the time to get together with others and celebrate. People are so busy doing other "things" that they forget what's really important.....celebrations and get togethers with the ones we love and care about.

    I will skip the fancy kids parties at Chuckie Cheese, or the fancy dinners at a country club.....but invite me and mine to a good ol' house party, and I'll show up with bells and whistles!! That's how we do parties with my family, and those are where the best memories come from.

    The people who were invited and accepted and didn't show up should be ashamed of themselves. As for going into work, I'd just say what a fabulous time you had.....and you did, with the people that matter. Really let them know all that they missed!!

    Like you said....live and learn. Hugs to you, my dear...... :icon_hug: :

    Remember what really matters....the friends and family that you can count on, that dear grandson, and us here at Allnurses!!!!
  6. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    I am so sorry!

    I have to agree with others, you know the ones you can truely count on are the ones that mean the most to you.

    You're right, what's done is done, but that doesn't make it any easier on your feelings. I hope you can get past this hurt you are feeling soon. :icon_hug: :kiss
  7. by   jnette
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) ) Marla.


    Yep.. jkaee hit the nail on the head. You simply invited the wrong folks.. now had WE at Allnurses been invited, you wouldn't have been able to hold us all !


    That really bites, and bites hard. I'm so very sorry you were disappointed, and I can feel the heartbreak in your post. :icon_hug:

    I guess we could all come out there and help you clean up those leftovers now, eh? :chuckle

    Guess we all learn sooner or later who are friends, and who are acquaintences.

    Yeh... I know that feeling, too. But don't let it get you down... you already have the best friend you could ask for.. the one you celebrated this event for and with ... your dh !!! :blushkiss

    Kudos to your dd and SIL ! They are to be commended !
  8. by   leslie :-D
    ((((marla))))- how disappointing. i am so very sorry. if people could only realize how their actions ( or inactions) affect others, total ignorance. i'm grateful for the people that did show up, esp your family who demonstrated such grace and sensitivity. and nothing or noone can take away the loving exhilaration that you and bill share. next time, stick to an intimate family dinner. i truly feel your pain. :kiss

    leslie
  9. by   Roy Fokker
    Marla, don't feel bad. Those tossers don't know what they missed! THEIR LOSS!




    Now....
    If you're worried about the food, I can help clean it up ya know?

    I'm a walkin' talkin' disposal can
  10. by   tencat
    Jeez. Some people are SOOO insensitive. Well, I woulda been there! :biere:
  11. by   grimmy
    [font=book antiqua]marla, i hate to say it, too, but i've seen this before - what is it with people who don't rsvp?? when i was a kid, it was just accepted behavior that you rsvp'ed so that your host didn't go overboard, spend an arm and a leg, etc. granted, i am not much of a partyer - at least, not the kind of parties i've heard about with so much drink and pseudo-sexual encounters - but i like casual conversation, nice music, good food. last get-together at work for me was the homecoming tailgating party, and we had a great time because at least 20 of us showed up, brought something, and could relax and enjoy. but the host noted that very few people rsvp'ed at all - to say they would or would not come. regardless of the insensitivity of those folks you invited, the ones that snubbed you and your's, the kudos will always be your's - you and your hubby made the milestone, and the people that had the grace to show up and celebrate with you have shown you the true colors - you all enjoyed it despite the party-poopers.
  12. by   truern
    Happy Anniversary :hatparty:

    I really don't "get" people...surely they knew the trouble and expense you were going to?!?

    A 30-second phone call....whether or not they could come...sheesh, is that asking too much??

    I'm sorry that happened, Marla. I, too, volunteer to help get rid of the leftovers..especially if they involve margaritas in any way, shape, or form
  13. by   Tweety
    Quote from mjlrn97
    Oh well, [I
    que sera, sera.........[/I] at least, we have a well-stocked fridge, a book full of photos and a really clean house!

    That's my girl, forever positive!

    I'm sure it hurts though. I'm sorry.
  14. by   unknown99
    Marla,
    It is their loss, not yours!!

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