I went to a funeral today...

  1. of a friend's wife. We had lost touch over the last couple of years. I just happened upon the obit in the paper the other day. I never met her, but was very very good friends with him through college and beyond. She was 30 years old and had a 4 yr old son. He said it started as Melanoma. She had probably had it for a year before they caught it. When they did catch it they told her she had 2-4 weeks to live. She lived 6 months longer. Can you imagine? It was the most horrible service to sit through. The little boy kept screaming for his Daddy to "open it up and let me see Mommy." My friend (her dh) just sat there quietly sobbing. He was like a statue with real tears. . . Why do we let ourselves lose touch with good people? I could have known her. Our families would have probably have been friends. . . I realized how much I missed him. Has anyone ever kept a friendship up with a man (or vice versa if you are a man) after you got married? Someone of the opposite sex who TRUELY was just a friend?! I know it's off the subject but there is so much on my mind.......I keep thinking of my own kids!......Thanks for listening.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   leslie :-D
    like a good friend, you are hurting for him and this poor child who just lost his mum. it does make one extremely vulnerable. and it's instinctive to become nostalgic, to wonder what if....i am sorry that you're hurting and am even sorrier for this very tragic event. be good to yourself and your family tonight. revel in your togetherness. peace.

    leslie
  4. by   nurseygrrl
    So sorry to hear that something so sad happened to someone close to you. Maybe you seeing the obit was God's way of getting you two back together. Maybe you will help see him through this terrible time.
  5. by   elkpark
    Bless you for attending the service! :kiss My long-time partner recently died suddenly, and I was shocked to find that almost no one we knew ("his" friends, "my" friends, or "our" friends) attended the memorial service (I had personally contacted them all and invited them -- it wasn't that they weren't aware of the date/time). I am still so hurt and angry and sad about THAT, in addition to his death ... It's painful enough to have your loved one die suddenly and unexpectedly, but it's that much worse to find out that the people that you thought were your close friends and cared about you apparently aren't and don't. I know, intellectually, all the stuff about people not attending memorials because of their own discomfort with death, etc., yada yada yada, but I can tell you it means a tremendous amount to the survivors.

    I hope that nurses are, in general, not as "squeamish" about attending memorials as the general public, but I would urge all of you to make the effort to attend, if possible, when you have any connection or positive feelings for the deceased or the surviving family and loved ones.
  6. by   Tweety
    My condolences. It's sad that when a person gets married or heavy into a relationship some of the other friendships and relationships slip slowly away.
  7. by   kastas
    Quote from elkpark
    Bless you for attending the service! :kiss My long-time partner recently died suddenly, and I was shocked to find that almost no one we knew ("his" friends, "my" friends, or "our" friends) attended the memorial service (I had personally contacted them all and invited them -- it wasn't that they weren't aware of the date/time). I am still so hurt and angry and sad about THAT, in addition to his death ... It's painful enough to have your loved one die suddenly and unexpectedly, but it's that much worse to find out that the people that you thought were your close friends and cared about you apparently aren't and don't. I know, intellectually, all the stuff about people not attending memorials because of their own discomfort with death, etc., yada yada yada, but I can tell you it means a tremendous amount to the survivors.

    I hope that nurses are, in general, not as "squeamish" about attending memorials as the general public, but I would urge all of you to make the effort to attend, if possible, when you have any connection or positive feelings for the deceased or the surviving family and loved ones.
    Wow, I am sooooo sorry for you. I do try to attend every funeral that I can where I know one of the living. I learned a valuable lesson in high school when my boyfriend step-dad died suddenly. There were MANY people there for his mom, but I was the only of his friends that showed up. He just clung to me. I know when you are young it is hard to deal with death, but as an adult you have no excuse. Again, I am so sorry for you. Did you have some family that showed?
  8. by   Energizer Bunny
    kastas......I haven't kept in touch with any of my old friends, whether male or female. Most of them probably don't even know about my kids. As another poster said, perhaps God put that newspaper in your path so that you could be there to help your old friend and his son.

    elkpark......I am so, so sorry that happened to you. Not only that your partner died but also that no one showed. Has anyone given you any reasons as to why they were so inconsiderate of your feelings?

    Hugs to you both!!!

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