I never thought the ADN/BSN fight would happen in my own family

  1. First, let me make it clear that in my eyes there is no difference between an ADN and BSN. I do not want this to turn into a fight about degrees.

    My 17-yr-old wants to be a nurse. Several months ago I posted about her wanting to go into a BSN program even though she didn't have the grades for a scholarship or the money to live on her own. My husband and I, her grandparents, even nurses that I work with (both BSNs and ADNs) tried to tell her that the way to go is to get her first two years at a community program and then transfer over, or get her ADN and work while getting her BSN.

    Tonight the discussion came up again, and DH asked her why it was so important to her to start a BSN program right away. Her answer stunned me and cut to the core.

    "Because I didn't work my *** off for four years taking college prep courses just to go to a community college."
    Last edit by TazziRN on Jan 13, '07
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  2. 50 Comments

  3. by   dianah
    If she is isn't open to any advice from the voices of experience, and she really wants to do it a "her" way, she can arrange funding and incur the costs of the needed loans. They won't be your responsibility, they will be hers.

    Perhaps a counselor/financial advisor at the school of her choice can offer suggestions for the pathway or for funding for her choice.

    Does anyone ever REALLY understand teens' logic???

    Hang in there. One of my favorite sayings may apply here (but I wouldn't repeat it to her in this way; let her work it out herself and bear the consequences): you buttered your bread, now lie in it.

    Good luck to you and to her (at least she has internal direction!).
  4. by   TazziRN
    DH and I decided to do just that. We will help only as much as we're helping our son, and no more. He lives at home and pays a small rent. She will get that same amount, the rest is up to her. We have tried to tell he that living on her own will be way more expensive than she realizes, but she won't listen. She's going to have to learn the hard way.

    I just feel so hurt right now. I can't believe she made that comment.
  5. by   dianah
    I guess if it makes sense to HER, that's all that matters.

    I really shouldn't have offered any advice, as I don't know all the particulars. It just seemed from your post she was bound and determined to do it "her" way, and being almost 18, she is about at the age where she WILL do what she wants. Even if it means ignoring such good advice as has been offered in abundance.

    She may attend for a year or even a semester and then see the error of her ways, and decide to switch. Then again, she may just go through with it, and once she's done, you'll be proud of her (that she completed what she set out to do) --- and she'll get to pay all the bills off.

    Are you mainly hurt that your advice is being rejected?
  6. by   TazziRN
    No, I'm hurt that community college isn't good enough for her. I see no difference between ADNs and BSNs. It appears that she does, and I am not good enough in her eyes. I want her to get her BSN because that's what she wants. She apparently doesn't want to start at a CC because it's not good enough.
  7. by   dianah
    I'd chalk that one up to immaturity. But then again, we knew it all, at 17.

    Have you told her how her comment makes you feel? "and I am not good enough in her eyes." It may not make a difference to her now, but at least you've told her how you feel, and attempted to help her understand where you're coming from (that you're not, in fact, saying her choice is a "bad" one or the "wrong" one).
  8. by   dianah
    We need Steph and Leslie and SmilingBluEyes and some of the others with teens to weigh in on this . . . perhaps tomorrow, when others read the thread, they'll be able to offer sound and thoughtful comments.
  9. by   TazziRN
    There is no other way for us to tell her that we support her getting her BSN. she'll just have to learn that on her own. I think she figured out her comment wasn't the best to make because as soon as she said it, I walked away. I can't talk to her yet because I'm liable to say something I shouldn't. She knows that I will talk to her about it when I am calm, she'll just have to wait till then.
  10. by   dianah
    Hugs, Tazzi. You showed a lot of self-restraint, under duress. Perhaps after the night's sleep, she'll re-consider, or at least, realize how much she hurt you with her comment and its implications. I hope she knows, you and your dh only want the best for her (oh, how we try to protect our kids from disappointment and hardship!).
  11. by   SuesquatchRN
    Quote from TazziRN
    DH and I decided to do just that. We will help only as much as we're helping our son, and no more. He lives at home and pays a small rent. She will get that same amount, the rest is up to her. We have tried to tell he that living on her own will be way more expensive than she realizes, but she won't listen. She's going to have to learn the hard way.

    I just feel so hurt right now. I can't believe she made that comment.
    Tazzi, she's 17. Arrogant and disrespectful of her elders is almost a given. And knowing it all - girl, I could have achieved world peace had anyone just listened to me!

    I dropped out of a very good college - Hunter - when I was 18. (started early). I told the dean that I didn't think that they had anything to teach me. He responded, "At this point in your life, dear, that's probably true." Took me years to realize he was being sarcastic.

    Of course, now that I'm older I realize how very little I know about much of anything.

    Don't be hurt. She'll learn, and she WILL come to appreciate you and her dad.

    Butler said it best: When I was 18, I thought my father was pretty dumb. After a while when I got to be 21, I was amazed to find out how much he'd learned in three years.
  12. by   TazziRN
    Tazzi, she's 17. Arrogant and disrespectful of her elders is almost a given. And knowing it all - girl, I could have achieved world peace had anyone just listened to me!
    I hope this isn't a trait limited to girls, because I have another one coming up! I've been praying fervently that she takes after her brother, 'cause I can't handle another walking attitude!

    Butler said it best: When I was 18, I thought my father was pretty dumb. After a while when I got to be 21, I was amazed to find out how much he'd learned in three years.
    She may not live to see her 21st birthday! :angryfire

    Whoever said "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" must have been talking about a teenaged girl!
  13. by   UM Review RN
    I can't tell my 17-year-old anything either.

    He started talking about getting his own place one day when I was driving him home from the mall. He stated all the obstacles he planned to overcome, then finished with a serious question, "But I'm only worried sick about one thing--how are you two going to manage without me?"



    I nearly drove off the road trying not to laugh!

    I finally nodded and shrugged. "Umm....I dunno, honey. Guess your Dad and I will just have to figure it out all by ourselves."

    It's now become a standing joke between Dad and I, whenever we see Jr's chores not done, to quote that beaut of a line to one another.

    So I hear ya, Tazzi. This is a tough age for them, but it's definitely tougher on us.
  14. by   bethin
    My parents wanted me to go to a community college too. I'd have none of it. Alot of it was knowing that I would be living at home, no frat parties, etc. So I went to a major university and hated it. Yeah, there was parties and way too many of them. After 2 years I transferred to a community college and moved back in with my parents. I told my mom that I should have just went to the community college to begin with. But I don't think there's any reasoning with teens. We live and learn that's for sure.

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