I Need Advice Re: My Dtr.'s Friend Please

  1. ok guys, work your magic....

    today tiffany brought home one of her friends, who i know comes from less than healthy family dynamics. this friend was showing me her pinky finger which was bent, quite swollen, immobile and painful. one of their larger male friends had sat on it 1-1.5 wks. ago!!!....i'm telling you it's broken, no doubt. this friend told me her mother saw it when it happened and never brought her to the md.

    now this poor girl, is going to have to have her finger rebroken to be aligned properly. i put a call into the mother (w/the dtr's permission) and left a message on her vm....no call back. i did not leave a specific message.

    my inclination is to call the dept. of social services but then was thinking that the doctor or er will ask questions. i told tiff's friend that the doctor might ask her mother some questions on why she didn't get her dtr. tx, which the dtr. told me "i'll just tell them i never showed my mother"...

    what should i do???? i'd like to call the mother tomorrow and if i get her vm, should i leave a more specific message, stating my concerns???? this just enrages me, knowing what this poor little girl is going to have to go through, never mind the pain she's enduring now....anyone?

    leslie
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   warrior woman
    As an RN you are legally bound to report neglect or abuse of any kind EVEN if it is only a suspicion. Your license binds you to report what you know. Hope this helps.
  4. by   gladtobeOB
    It's a sad state of the world we live in today. The reasons could be numerous as to why she didn't take her, no insurance, not enough time in the day(seriously you know how long you set in the er just for a splint and an xray) and the sad one is maybe they didn't think it was a big deal, it will heal on its own.......Fellow nurse told me about a pt who had come in for an NST fetal monitoring and her baby about 1 1/2 yrs old was fussing something terrible and she asked why? Well apparently before they had come in she had grabbed a hold of a hot curling iron and burnt her hand leaving a huge blister and the rest of her palm reddened. Poor thing. My neighbor let's her 2 & 4 yr old run throughout the neighborhood, on the road on top of the garage roof etc, and sometimes they are out naked. She doesn't seem to care until I had call children and youth on her (she already has an open case) they didn't take but an hour to get here. People in general are getting so ignorant and lazy. just mho.
  5. by   suzanne4
    If the mother doesn't respond to you, is there a school nurse at their school?
    The nurse is usually able to get things taken care of without any blame being placed on you.............
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I am with Suzanne here.....(((Leslie))) for wanting to do the right thing. You are a good gal!
  7. by   leslie :-D
    thank you guys....my compter was just reconnected tonight.... i left a more specific voice mail stating my concerns with the mother, since she never called me back. i warned her that medical personnel will be asking questions, should she decide to seek medical help for her dtr.

    suzanne, school is out for the summer so that isn't even an alternative. i will pursue this even further tomorrow....there are no excuses. even in the hospitals it states that no one will be denied service because of inability to pay.......and truly, it doesn't take a health care professional to tell that this finger is broken. thanks to all, i really appreciate it.

    leslie xoxo
  8. by   suzanne4
    School nurse was just if you were worried about repercussions for yourself. Of course, it doesn't take too many brains to see if something is broken, but the nurse can get many more things accomplished sometimes with the family.

    It was just a thought......................forgot about school being out right now, as over here, the kids are all in school....................
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    me too, I forgot about summer vacation.....duh on me.
  10. by   jnette
    Wow... this is really sad.

    What would happen if the girl just went to the ER on her own?

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...???

    Being a minor, they'd HAVE to contact a parent, right? How humiliating would THAT be to the mother? The girl could just tell them (and her) she couldn't stand the pain any longer, and needed to have it looked at.

    That way it would be taken care of... and the mother just might learn not to be so apathetic next time, too. :stone
  11. by   leslie :-D
    update:

    the mom called me back tonight at 9:30 after i left her a final message on her vm.

    she denied ever having seen her dtr's finger.
    the dtr. told me her mother did know.
    the dtr. and MY dtr. are at another friend's house tonight for a sleepover. i told this mother that i was mandated to contact dss and she told me "do what you have to do, i have to call my dtr.".....anyway, my dtr. called and her friend in question is still there.

    furthermore, another mom called upset, saying she looked at so and so's finger when it happened (she too is a nurse) and that it wasn't broken then. she continued with "if you're going to call dss, then you may as well report me too since i said it wasn't broken."

    aarrgghhh, this truly sux. the finger does appear as if it's been fx'd for awhile in that it is bent and swollen at the knuckle/metaphalange site. in an initial injury, the entire finger would have been swollen...and the girl's mother still is letting her dtr. remain at the other girl's house tonight. i want to do the right thing. who am i to believe? i find it difficult that this girl's mother did not know anything about this....i have to pray on this.
  12. by   jemb
    I like the idea of having the girl present herself at the ER if she is willing to do so, maybe even accompanied by your daughter.

    I know from experience that parents sometimes are too preoccupied with the many dysfunctions in their own lives to notice something like a child's injury. (Where's the special font for sarcasm?)

    Kudos to you, Leslie, for wanting to get help for her, and if it involves reporting her to the authorities, do it! Even if the mom denies having known about it, the kid will get the medical attention she needs.

    If you said her age, I missed it -- how old is the girl?
  13. by   leslie :-D
    jemb,

    she's 14 yo....i'm still praying on the right decision....i suppose i could always tell dss BOTH sides but i don't want to unnecessarily destroy anyone's lives either. i think i'll have my dd call this girl tomorrow noc, and if she didn't get her finger reset then i will definitely report the mother....this is what i'm thinking now.

    i'm also thinking of the dramatic stories i've heard from many of dd's friends and have to separate teenage histrionics from the bare facts.
  14. by   BamaGirlRN
    Has the girl told her mom that she wants medical attention for her finger? If so and the mom said no, then and only then would I call DSS. But if the daughter hasn't complained about it then they are really both at fault whether or not the mom was aware of it or not.

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