I lost my sister today.....

  1. I can't believe what has happenned this morning. I am in such shock. My sister, 38 yo, sufferred a massive coronary this am and died. This is so hard... I feel so lost and hurting. I don't know what to do...there's nothing I can do. My sister and her husband live across the country from me....in Florida. My BIL called this am right after she died, spoke to my mom, didn't give too much info....my mom was hysterical....didn't get anything he told her correct. I couldn't reach him, or anyone. I absolutely could not believe it. I spent an hour and a half tracking down and calling the hospitals in the Tampa area. I was ready to give up when one kind soul gave me some more hospitals to call....the last one I called confirmed that my sister was "in the ER"...my heart skipped a beat, I thought, she must be alive.....right?.... As soon as I asked for her, gave her name, I knew; I knew by that "tone" you get in your voice, when she transferred me to the charge nurse and she had that "tone"....I knew. At first she tried to find my BIL for me, then said I would have to get info from him, explained about "HIPPA". But he was gone. I told her what I had been told, she confirmed it. I told her I was nurse, and I understood all about HIPPA, but could she please just tell me what happenned???? Bless her, she told me. As hard as it was to hear that my sister was coded for over an hour, that she regained a pulse only long enough for her husband to come to the bedside and kiss her good-bye. They lost her.
    I later spoke with my BIL's sister. My BIL is overcome with grief...it was just the 2 of them out there, living their dream.
    They had just sold their house, bought an RV, they were planning to spend some time travelling the US. They were getting things ready, packing, etc.My sister is alone in some OMI in Florida waiting for an autopsy, and I feel horrible. I feel so sad because we had slowly drifted apart over the years. There were some issues, but we spoke, just not often, I was upset b/k the last time she came to town she didn't make time to see us....that was 2yrs ago. We have communicated since then via email, etc, but I feel so eaten up w/guilt.... Why didn't I make an effort to connect with her???? Why did I let her drift, let our relationship drift? The thought of losing her never crossed my mind. Now all I want to do is go out there, tell her how sorry I am....
    It's too late, he plans to have her cremated, I will never see her again.... I have thought about flying out there in an effort to see her before this happens...I just don't know....I haven't even spoken to him.
    Oh, and I love this, the couple of "friends" I have told so far, have made comments like :
    "well,you weren't that close to her, so...."...so what, I shouldn't grieve losing my sister, my sibling I grew up with....shared a life with? What is that all about??
    I'm sorry this is so long and confusing.
    If you have a loved one you haven't connected with in awhile, don't let time go by without letting them know how much you care.....don't let it be too late...
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  2. 80 Comments

  3. by   Tweety
    I'm am so terribly sorry for you loss. Must be quite a shock.
  4. by   kids
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I lost my mom, brother and (much loved) mother in law to cancer in a 3.5 month period last year.
  5. by   pickledpepperRN
    I am so very sorry.
  6. by   leslie :-D
    my dear moondancer.............i am so heartbroken for you and am so deeply sorry. words cannot begin to express my heartfelt sympathies...please do not feel guilty....she knows you love her.

    leslie xo
  7. by   weetziebat
    [font=Comic Sans MS]I am so, so sorry for your loss. My sister died at 39 of SBE and I know how much it hurt. My heart goes out to you.
  8. by   Spidey's mom
    Condolences on your unexpected loss.

    steph
  9. by   Saved_by_Grace
    My heart goes out to you......I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
  10. by   nekhismom
    I'm so sorry for your loss. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

    You have EVERY right to grieve, to be upset, to hurt, and any other emotion that you may encounter now as you try to react to what has happened. And you have every right to be angry with your friends for even suggesting that you shouldn't be that upset.

    Sending my condolences and prayers your way.
  11. by   NotReady4PrimeTime
    Moondancer, you have my sincerest condolences. Hang in there, kiddo.
  12. by   jemb
    How horrible! So sorry, Moondancer. (((((hugs))))))
  13. by   dianah
    Oh my, what a dreadful shock! So sudden! Please do allow yourself to grieve, foregoing the endless "should-haves" and "would-haves," which don't help at all. My little brother died suddenly at age 41. We were close through childhood memories and experiences but I didn't see him very often at all. I too felt very guilty that I hadn't made more of an effort to see him more, and voiced this to my sister and my cousin. They responded with surprise that I would even entertain any guilt; "He knew you loved him," they both said. And I'm sure your sister knew you loved her.
    I hope your family can/will support each other, remembering the good times too. Get some rest when you can; remember to eat and drink, even though you probably won't feel like it. You're in my prayers. -- Diana
  14. by   skislalom
    My condolances are with you...I just recently lost my mother, I can't say I feel your pain, as that is your pain, but I can tell you understand it. Many thoughts and prayers to your and your family in this difficult time.

    ~T (who just happens to be 38 as well)

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