I have a serious problem with my kids and computer...need advice

  1. OK, this is the thing. My kids are smarter than me when it comes to the computer. My dtr has downloaded garbage, despite my anger, it happens over and over. I go upstairs to the main computer, and there is Ja Rule's ugly face all over my screen. (I like his music, but man, he is not photogenic!) Or the latest is the word Babe which sparkles, it's cool, but not what I want. Which is why I gave up and got a laptop, which they are FORBIDDEN to touch.

    When napster went down, they got Kazaa, this was OK, dtr had it set appropriately, etc...


    The last few weeks, I have been inundated with porn e-mail. Hubby is fairly computer illiterate, so I figured it was something the kids did, but I had NO idea that Kazza allowed you to download porno video's!!

    My dtr has been away more nights than not this last month, she got invited to three vacations with her friends, which I let her go b/c we had to forgoe a vacation this year. So, that leaves my son as the culprit. My husband doesn't know the first thing about downloads, or Kazaa, and barely can manage an e-mail, in fact hates to have to e-mail at work.

    So...that pretty much leaves my son who has had the opportunity, the means, and the know-how, not to mention the hormones (He's fifteen.)

    How did I find out? Well, my dtr was on Kazaa tonight, and clicked on a Ja Rule song she had saved, but it was really a lesbian porno flick, I mean there is XXXXXXXX rating on this thing. My dtr called me upstairs to see it, I was aghast that my 13 yr old dtr saw this, and no doubt watched it for a bit before telling me.

    I don't think it is fair for my dtr to be banned from the computer, and I REFUSE to put aol on a perfectly good computer...I despise aol, it is a virus that infects every inch of a computer, so it's just not an option.

    What else can I do?? I don't want to network the computers, b/c no doubt they would download a virus, it's easy enough, I did it once very innocently.

    But, other than aol, no other ISP's seem to provide the parental controls. We actually had aol, but my dtr set it to save my password, and then changed it, so now I can't even get on. She swears she didn;t do this, but I have to wonder, maybe it was my son??

    I confronted him of course, I didn't mind the nudie girl stills, centerfold type stuff, nothing explicit, but this I will not stand for on myb conputer. I told him, If you want that $hit on your computer, you have to grow up, buy a computer, and get your own ISP, THEN and only then, can you load MY computer with crap like that!!! I frankly wouldn't care so much, expect for all the prono spam. I have spent more time the last 2 weeks deleting my e-mail from mailing listrs, and I figured they took that notice to batch e-mail me to other lists as spite. Now I guess they are only responding to "My" interest!


    How can I secure the computers?? What program will never allow them to set or change my passwords??

    HELP me take back control.

    (PS, I don't need a lecture on how they shouldn't have had control in the first place, OK?? I already know that, it is obvious, please don't rub it in, just help me deal with the results, OK? Thanks)
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  2. 31 Comments

  3. by   live4today
    Hoolihan......seems to me I heard of some program or something that parents can have put into their computer system to block sites that they do not wish their children to have privy to. I will check on it tomorrow and get back with you. It must be terribly frustrating as a parent to deal with situations like that. ((((hugs))))) :kiss
  4. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    We have XP hoolahan. Every user has their own account that each person has to log off and on. Each person can have their own screensaver, desktop, short cuts, etc. (perk #1) It's rates the accounts. Hubby and I are administrators. Son is not. It limits what he can right-click and save, send to, etc. They also cannot add or remove programs or change any passwords.

    Also, if you're using Internet Explorer, one of your pull down tabs at the top is "Tools." Choose "Internet Options," and then pick the tab that says "content." I've never really messed with anything there but that's where you'd do it.

    I don't know how, or if, you can secure your changes so he can't fix them back, but it's a start.

    If you look through your cookies and temporary internet files you can see exactly what time and date certain sites are visited, and narrow it down better.

    Hope this helps a little. PM me if you want.

    Heather
  5. by   Rena RN 2003
    double click "my computer" icon

    double click c: drive

    double click "windows" folder

    double click "history" folder


    will tell you exactly where anyone has been on your computer and which day it happened. double click on any one thing and it will tell you the time it happened.


    if you go to the top of this page and click on tools, then click on internet options, then choose the "content" tab, there is a content advisor that will allow you to change the levels of acces to certain types of sites (language, nudity, violence, etc.)


    another option is to password the computer so that it must be supplied before you can do anything on it. that is a hassel but it depends on how much you want to stop what's going on.


    and in the childs defense, if you can find no "proof" as to where he/she is going, many times if you register for anything online (like an email or whatnot), those member list/email addys are "sold" to porn sites.

    i get at least 10 a day and i've never visited a porn site and no one else uses the computer here but me.
  6. by   Mkue
    Oh, those darn PORN pop ups..UGH !! I was getting them on my old computer, but now that I've switched computers I don't have them anymore. thank god, they are so irritating !

    Hoolahan did you say that AOL has a virus? or is a virus?

    Thanks!
  7. by   nurseman
    I'd definitely stop resending to the porno or any other spam. In my opinion they know they have a live one if you actually get to the bottom of the spam to read the delete me from your list instructions. I've heard that McAfee has an anti-spam software program that has filters for porno, credit cards. Haven't used it only saw the spam in my Hotmail account

    A way is to check what pics they have being viewing is to look in the cashe file
    In explore it is in a directory call "temporary internet files" that is located on the C drive under windows. I think I'm only 51 % sure as I use netscape.
    In netscape it is under program files - netscape - users - all users - cashe
    Again I can't be 100% sure. I'm at work now so I don't want to start messing around with the computer. The cashe file saves a copy of any pic that has been downloaded. If a web site is viewed again it takes the pic off the hard drive to save time. After a while the cashe is automatically deleted. Know a few of my brothers friends who got caught this way. Feeling really old writing this seems like just yesterday that I was sneaking around my best friends house to steal a dirty movie. Sure wish we had the net then.
    Big Brother is watching.
  8. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    My Documents

    C Drive

    Documents and Settings

    Local Settings (Cookies should be on this page also)

    Temporary Internet Files


    Also, if you right-click in the toolbar at the top of the screen, click "customize," you can add an icon to the toolbar that will take you to the history with one click.

    Heather
  9. by   researchrabbit
    Originally posted by hoolahan
    (PS, I don't need a lecture on how they shouldn't have had control in the first place, OK?? I already know that, it is obvious, please don't rub it in, just help me deal with the results, OK? Thanks)
    Why would ANY of us who have teenagers rub it in?

    We are all (ok, someone out there may have perfect kids and perfect control, in which case give me your address...haha) in your boat, girlfriend. They want autonomy, we give 'em a little, they get in trouble (but hopefully learn for the next time when we might not be there to save their butts).

    And those of us who don't have children can remember what it was like to be 15...

    Sounds like a trust issue to me. Your son should have a "vacation" from the internet for whatever time period makes YOU happy. Plus a grounding.

    My daughter has messed up bigtime twice now. Each time I asked her for an essay in which she has to write WHY she was wrong, WHAT she is going to do to put things to rights, and HOW she is going to use what happened in the future. This has worked very well for her because she gets mad easily but then when she thinks about it, she can see the other side and the essay helped her clarify what happened (and incidentally, why she can't blame anyone other than herself). May be worth a try for your son. Oh, and I destroy it after I've read it.
  10. by   Bloke
    Originally posted by hoolahan
    OK, this is the thing. My kids are smarter than me when it comes to the computer. My dtr has downloaded garbage, despite my anger, it happens over and over. I go upstairs to the main computer, and there is Ja Rule's ugly face all over my screen. (I like his music, but man, he is not photogenic!) Or the latest is the word Babe which sparkles, it's cool, but not what I want. Which is why I gave up and got a laptop, which they are FORBIDDEN to touch.

    When napster went down, they got Kazaa, this was OK, dtr had it set appropriately, etc...


    The last few weeks, I have been inundated with porn e-mail. Hubby is fairly computer illiterate, so I figured it was something the kids did, but I had NO idea that Kazza allowed you to download porno video's!!

    My dtr has been away more nights than not this last month, she got invited to three vacations with her friends, which I let her go b/c we had to forgoe a vacation this year. So, that leaves my son as the culprit. My husband doesn't know the first thing about downloads, or Kazaa, and barely can manage an e-mail, in fact hates to have to e-mail at work.

    So...that pretty much leaves my son who has had the opportunity, the means, and the know-how, not to mention the hormones (He's fifteen.)

    How did I find out? Well, my dtr was on Kazaa tonight, and clicked on a Ja Rule song she had saved, but it was really a lesbian porno flick, I mean there is XXXXXXXX rating on this thing. My dtr called me upstairs to see it, I was aghast that my 13 yr old dtr saw this, and no doubt watched it for a bit before telling me.

    I don't think it is fair for my dtr to be banned from the computer, and I REFUSE to put aol on a perfectly good computer...I despise aol, it is a virus that infects every inch of a computer, so it's just not an option.

    What else can I do?? I don't want to network the computers, b/c no doubt they would download a virus, it's easy enough, I did it once very innocently.

    But, other than aol, no other ISP's seem to provide the parental controls. We actually had aol, but my dtr set it to save my password, and then changed it, so now I can't even get on. She swears she didn;t do this, but I have to wonder, maybe it was my son??

    I confronted him of course, I didn't mind the nudie girl stills, centerfold type stuff, nothing explicit, but this I will not stand for on myb conputer. I told him, If you want that $hit on your computer, you have to grow up, buy a computer, and get your own ISP, THEN and only then, can you load MY computer with crap like that!!! I frankly wouldn't care so much, expect for all the prono spam. I have spent more time the last 2 weeks deleting my e-mail from mailing listrs, and I figured they took that notice to batch e-mail me to other lists as spite. Now I guess they are only responding to "My" interest!


    How can I secure the computers?? What program will never allow them to set or change my passwords??

    HELP me take back control.

    (PS, I don't need a lecture on how they shouldn't have had control in the first place, OK?? I already know that, it is obvious, please don't rub it in, just help me deal with the results, OK? Thanks)

    Net nanny is a good parent aid it lets you block porn sites chat and anything else you want to block .It is all password protected
    Each user can have a different level of access and can be turned off only with a password.
    there are several different programmes like this
    do a search on Google for "child safe internet" and it will bring up a lot of programmes that may suit your need

    good luck
  11. by   Rustyhammer
    ok...here's what I'd do.
    Ground them from the computer for a week or two.
    during that time get on there and explore and see what is on there and if you find nasty stuff delete it (or send it to me).
    You may have to do some searching for there are some good hiding places on a hardrive.
    Then, password your computer and limit what they can download (see Heathers post above).
  12. by   GPatty
    Maybe you could try a Christian Internet service.
    Type in Christian internet and do a search...
    or maybe internet blocks?

    Good Luck....
  13. by   sunnygirl272
    times like this iam glad we only have the boys QO weekend....lol.. we have them beat as far as computer savviness...but they sure have the hormones...when we have them they are not allowed on the puter unless one or both of us are free to either be in the room or inadn out of the room...but they don't know that is the criteria for privileges...lol...
    Last edit by sunnygirl272 on Aug 28, '02
  14. by   BadBird
    Well first of all I would not let them use the computer for anything but school work. I would put the computer in the family room where I could keep an eye on what they are doing. The first one to complain would lose all computer privilages for a month. Tough love on this issue I believe.

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