I hate formality

  1. I had to vent this somewhere. I know people call me "Ms. Last Name" out of respect or because it's business, but I hate it. I prefer people call me by my first name. I think it's more personable.

    I just get so many business things and things from the board and everything with "Ms. Last Name" and I get irritated with it sometimes.

    Does anyone else prefer their first name to being called "Ms./Mrs. Last Name" or "Mr. Last Name"?
  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   sharpeimom
    I prefer being called by my first name. Once in awhile someone will just come up to me and begin to talk to me as though I should know who they are. Then it helps me if they call me something. If they call me either Mrs. ___ or Mrs. First initial, they're almost always present or former students of my husband's. If they think I should remember them and call me something like "Honey" or "Sweetie" then they were probably friends of my parents. If people use "Kathy" then they know me from around town, at work, or from a YW or church committee. "Katherine" means from work but didn't work WITH me, they're employed by a doctor's or dentist's office or something similar. When I worked at the state hospital, I was happy just being called some version of my first name because both my maiden and married surnames are unusual and I was less likely to be tracked later. It's interesting to notice how catalogues are addressed. Misspellings, wrong address, totally wrong name, etc. Yesterday, we received no fewer than EIGHT copies of the same catalogue! Different versions of our first and last names. Our animals get mail from the V-E-T, in their names -- not ours.
  4. by   TopazLover
    I prefer my first name for almost all communications. I always have and being a widow makes it even more uncomfortable to be called by my DH's name when i am with my SO.

    There are many versions of my name floating around. I am gramma _ (first initial) to my grands, mamma _ (first initial) to a certain group of friends, and many versions of my first name depending on the person who is talking to me. Some decide they know my real name and call me a couple of variations of that. My correct name is used by family, friends from K-12, and a very select few others.

    My last name is not difficult to pronounce and is spelled as it sounds but is often spelled wrong even if I spell it correctly over the phone.

    Catalogs, et al - We just got a bill at work with the correct name. Address wrong, phone number wrong, and business name wrong. They wanted to sell yellow pages ads and send out something that looks like an invoice. I blew up their phone to get them to stop sending these things.

    Remember the old vaudeville routine? "You can call me Ray."
  5. by   wish_me_luck
    Most of my mail that is from like stores and such have my first name, but it's the business stuff that even though it's business, it makes me cringe. For whatever reason I feel more comfortable when I am called by my first name. I feel like it's acknowledging that I am a real person, if that makes sense. I think there's a distance created in using formal addresses.

    I have noticed though that when you speak with a person on the phone they are more willing to call you by your first name, in business, I mean.

    I don't feel like I have "graduated" to the stage of being called a formal name. I am in my twenties and I feel like Ms. ______ is not where I am at in life. Maybe I will feel different in a decade or two when I am more established and perhaps, am married and have a family. Just not now.
  6. by   TopazLover
    You can call me Ray, you can call me Jay… – bob congdon Not vaudeville. I was wrong.

    I have a nephew who was called by his initials (first and middle name) until he went to college. There his roommate misheard the name and called him something else. The name stuck. I did not know this history when I returned from many years far away and asked who had taken a picture that was credited to his new name. Imagine my surprise to find my family member had a new name.
  7. by   leslie :-D
    you can call me by my first or last name...
    just don't call me late for dinner.
    ba-da-boom. ;p

  8. by   VivaLasViejas
    I guess I'm going against the flow here by DISliking the use of my first name in certain contexts.

    The one I hate the most is when some business person calls himself "Mr. Smith" and then calls me by my first name. IMO this is disrespectful, as it symbolically places me on a level below that of the business person. I am an old married woman, I've earned the right to hold the title of "Mrs.", and I've been known to say, "Well, Mr. Smith, this is MRS.----" and carry on the conversation without missing a beat.

    My kids' friends? It's always been Mrs.---- until I get to know them better. Which takes about half an hour, because I'm pretty easygoing in informal situations. I merely like to establish who is in charge.

    And it does irritate me to still be calling my PCP "Dr.----" after 20+ years of being his patient and even working together for a time. For heaven's sake, my other doc is "Stuart"....why can't I call this one "Bill"?

  9. by   wish_me_luck
    Haha, Viva. I feel uncomfortable calling my docs by first name. I think it truly might be an age thing. If someone asked me who I felt more relateablity to--teenagers or 30s/40s, I would say teenagers. I go to a young adult group at the church that I grew up in (I actually don't go to church regularly, but I still do stuff with them). It used to go from 18-40, now they have it split. But, anyway, I have been going but it's hard to relate because I do not have children or a spouse or even a significant other. I guess, I feel very much like a teenager still. I am single, childless, and live at home. The formality thing is a cringe that is like the "nails on the chalkboard" thing.

    Is it normal to not have that separation of teenager/adulthood thing in your 20s?
  10. by   VivaLasViejas
    Oh, heck no.......I think it's abnormal if we don't go through that, although a lot depends on one's station in life.....at your age, I was already married and a mother, so I had to grow up and be a grown-up. But in my early-early 20s, I was little more than your basic party girl in adult clothing---I didn't feel like a grown-up at all, even though I was old enough to drink in a bar and own a handgun. My body was 21, my psyche stuck somewhere between 15 and 18. And it stayed that way until I had my first baby.

    What a game-changer THAT is. One day, you're like 14 months pregnant and ready to burst like a balloon, but you are still not a fully grown adult. The next day, WHAM! They hand you this tiny bundle of baby and put it in your arms, and suddenly you look down and realize that you are responsible for whether this little critter lives or dies. That's a heck of a lot of responsibility for a 23-year-old, but you accept the burden and square your shoulders so you can carry it.

    That's how sharp the dividing line is between being young and childless and free, and being a grown-up forever tethered to another human being. It's also the end of adolescence as we knew and loved it........no more staying out late, no more partying, no more making whoopee in the grass behind the football stadium. But, it's well worth what we give up.
  11. by   wish_me_luck
    Leslie, I read your comment and I cannot stop smiling. I am trying not to laugh because my parents are going to think I am crazy (well crazier than they think I already am), but that's funny.

    Viva, thank you for your assurance. It means a lot.
  12. by   CrufflerJJ
    Quote from wish_me_luck
    I had to vent this somewhere. I know people call me "Ms. Last Name" out of respect or because it's business, but I hate it. I prefer people call me by my first name. I think it's more personable.

    I just get so many business things and things from the board and everything with "Ms. Last Name" and I get irritated with it sometimes.

    Does anyone else prefer their first name to being called "Ms./Mrs. Last Name" or "Mr. Last Name"?
    I like being called by my first name.

    That being said, as a 50-mumble-years-old child of a retired US Army person who was still jumping out of perfectly good aircraft at the age of 60, it was STRONGLY indoctrinated into me to call others "sir" or "ma'am."

    This has occasionally torqued off patients when I call them by the honorific, but I can't help it. It's how I was raised as a kid. It's very rare when I feel comfortable enough to address a pt by their first name. Coworkers (at my same level or below) are addressed y their first name. Docs are addressed by "Doctor", plus their last name.

    Color me old fashioned.
  13. by   TopazLover
    I am old enough that we were to stand when a doctor walked in a room. I once got chastised because I jumped up and offered a doctor my seat. It was reflex. I had to learn, or unlearn as the case may be.

    I now live far enough south that people call my boss Mr. ___first name. I am used to being called Miss _____first name. It still feels as if his clients are not respectful, but I realize I was brought up a bit like Cruffler. I call him Mr. ___last name to clients and potential clients.

    I don't lose sleep over names as long as it is not nasty.