Janleb, First of all hugs to you. I thought my husbnd and I would grow old together, the kids were finally grown, and it was our time. Well after 27yrs. my husband walked out the door. I didn't think I could make it on my own. Never lived alone in my life. I went from living with my parents to making a home with my husband. And at first I fought it, cried alot of tears, and felt sorry for myself. I was served with divorce papers 8 months later and 3 days later he was crying to me on the phone. Well, it's now been almost 2yrs to the day and he hasn't come back yet. But you know what? I survived and after 2 yrs I know I can make it on my own.
It's so sad when you think of all the time and dreams that will never be, but you learn that you are a strong person and can make it on your own. I finally know that I don't need him anymore. I prayed to God to help me cope. I never had fingernails before, but you know what? I have them now...haven't bitten them in a year. It is very hard at first, but a poem from Dear Abby really helped. I'll share it with you.
After a While
by Veronica Shoffstall
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning.
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn kisses aren't contracts.
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open.
With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your own roads today.
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.
And after awhile you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get to much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure......
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn.....
With every good-bye you learn.
You made the right decision, the best one you could make for yourself. Don't second guess yourself. Hold your head up high and go on with your life. I finally have. I'm still not divorced, but if he serves me again I won't fight it. The man I loved and married doesn't exist anymore. He is gone, I am ready to learn more. Because with every goodbye you learn.