I did it

  1. well........I finally did it. I filed for divorce!!!!!!Our name was in the paper today. I am glad I got out of this relationship but right now I am a ball of nerves and about ready to drive myself crazy. I had nobody else to tell so your it. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.. J
  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   nicola
    No advice since I've never walked in these particular shoes... I send you kind thoughts and prayers. Be gentle with yourself. Go for a walk. Take yourself and a good book out to dinner (this is one of my fav's!). Go to Bath & Body and get your fav scent in bath gel, bubble bath, lotion and body spray. Then go home, put on your most relaxing CD, run a hot bath, get a glass of wine and just SOAK!!!

    Oh, yeah, a phone call to your best friend would be in order right now!
  4. by   aimeee
    Jan, its been about 20 years since I went down that path and I'm sure the circumstances are different so I have no advice to offer you. Its a big step that takes a lot of courage though and I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you. Its gotta be tough going through this in the middle of nursing school. As Nicola said, be as kind to yourself and pencil in as many stressbusters as you possibly can.
  5. by   Aerolizing
    Been there, done that. The best advice I can give is just keep repeating it will all be over soon. My divorce was quiet without any fighting but it was still very difficult. I just kept repeating over and over to myself, it will all be over soon. It worked to help me get through the tough times like hearing sappy songs or seeing old married couples. I always thought I would be one of those types. Life goes on.

    Besides, med students are looking really really good these days.
  6. by   betts
    congradulationscongradulations congradulations congradulations :d
  7. by   Jenny P
    I've been there for a friend who has gone through a divorce this year; it took 10 months for the divorce to be finalized, even though there were no big custody or $$$$ fights. Lean on your friends often; if they aren't available, come here and rant as needed. You will need emotional and psychological support while you go through this. Please take care of yourself during this time and start to make healthy changes in your life now. You are worthy of happiness in this life; keep reminding yourself of that fact.
  8. by   janleb
    I get so much support on this BB whether it is personal or nursing. Thank you for you words of encouragement, just what I needed. It is rough when you have kids and trying to be everything to everybody. So I think I will take a deep breath and keep telling myself it can't last forever.
  9. by   klhs
    Janleb, I know exactly how you feel!... I asked my husband to move out on Halloween....I have an appointment with my lawyer next week to file. This will be ending a 16 year marriage. I have cried, prayed, been angry, prayed, and prayed some more!

    I wish you the best and loads of happiness.. the road will be rocky, but you and I both will make it!
  10. by   realnursealso/LPN
    Janleb, First of all hugs to you. I thought my husbnd and I would grow old together, the kids were finally grown, and it was our time. Well after 27yrs. my husband walked out the door. I didn't think I could make it on my own. Never lived alone in my life. I went from living with my parents to making a home with my husband. And at first I fought it, cried alot of tears, and felt sorry for myself. I was served with divorce papers 8 months later and 3 days later he was crying to me on the phone. Well, it's now been almost 2yrs to the day and he hasn't come back yet. But you know what? I survived and after 2 yrs I know I can make it on my own. It's so sad when you think of all the time and dreams that will never be, but you learn that you are a strong person and can make it on your own. I finally know that I don't need him anymore. I prayed to God to help me cope. I never had fingernails before, but you know what? I have them now...haven't bitten them in a year. It is very hard at first, but a poem from Dear Abby really helped. I'll share it with you.

    After a While
    by Veronica Shoffstall

    After a while, you learn the subtle difference
    Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
    And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning.
    And company doesn't mean security.
    And you begin to learn kisses aren't contracts.
    And presents aren't promises.
    And you begin to accept your defeats
    With your head up and your eyes open.
    With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child.
    And you learn to build all your own roads today.
    Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
    And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.
    And after awhile you learn
    That even sunshine burns if you get to much.
    So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.
    Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
    And you learn you really can endure......
    That you really are strong
    And you really do have worth
    And you learn and learn.....
    With every good-bye you learn.

    You made the right decision, the best one you could make for yourself. Don't second guess yourself. Hold your head up high and go on with your life. I finally have. I'm still not divorced, but if he serves me again I won't fight it. The man I loved and married doesn't exist anymore. He is gone, I am ready to learn more. Because with every goodbye you learn.
  11. by   janleb
    well I read each of the posts today prior to going to court. My soon to be Ex was teary eyed. he is always remorseful after everything is said and done. I have had yrs of tears and so I had no more. Everything went fine, I tried to remain fair for the kids and try to keep the relationship on decent terms. thankyou for your support, I just feel so drained today after everything was said and done. Have a great Thanksgiving!!!!!Janice
  12. by   JennieBSN
    Last edit by JennieBSN on Dec 8, '01