I can't do it anymore

  1. the header says it all, I can't do it anymore. I love the art of nursing, but I am so burned out on the job of nursing, the admin crap, the hospital sucking the life out of me. I honestly feel like the hospitla I work at is slowly and surely draining me of all I have. I know I'm depressed. I'm pretty sure I'm developing Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I already have asthma... and I'm only 24 going on enternity.
    My poor poor husband. My poor dogs. I care about everyone except me. I don't have anymore strength to give myself. I cry for no reason sometimes. I feel so overwhelmed, so unloved, so everything except what I should. Healthy.
    I don't know why I'm typing this hear excpet hubby isn't home, the dogs just look at me like "It's okay mommy, we love you" and work just keeps sucking life away. I just figured there's got to be a nruse out there, somewhere, that has felt the desperation I am feeling right now. This all encompassing emptiness. This is the worst feeling I can imagine. So alone. So, so...... not me.
    God if I was a nurse looking at me I'd be calling me a looney. I've already decided to go see my NP tomorrow... at least talk to her about my stomach aches, I can't even eat a slice of bread without my stomach cramping... and the farting has got to go... I can't be doing a nursing assessment and running out of the room every 2 mintues so I don't killy my patients with the gas.
    Don't say for me to leave my job, I can't. That would be going AWOL. I know alot of work is JCAHO comign next week, but I've felt this way for a long time, and the stress at work is just making it more apparent.
    Thanks for reading... I feel better....
  2. Visit JenKatt profile page

    About JenKatt

    Joined: Jan '01; Posts: 130; Likes: 5
    Informatics; from US
    Specialty: 14 year(s) of experience in NICU, Informatics


  3. by   cargal
    I am so sorry. This is a rotten time of the year to be stuck feeling that way, too. All I can say is 24 is awfully young, and you still have LOTs of time to find a niche where you are happy. Perhaps go back to school, use your nursing and say, computers for nursing informatics?
    Good luck and keep us posted.

  4. by   2banurse
    Hi Jenkatt, suffering myself with bouts of IBS, I feel for you. I would definitely speak with your NP. Is there any possibility of taking some time after the JCAHO? You need to start taking care of yourself.

    If you ever need to chat please dont hesitate...Wishing you the best!

  5. by   Stargazer
    Jen, I've said it before and I'll say it again: when you get to the point where the job is destroying your health, your family, your marriage, it's time to reevaluate. There are so many less-stressful settings in which you can work. Clinic nursing, consulting, case management...you are more than your job. And life is just too short to stay in a place that makes you feel like this consistently.

    Hope you're feeling better soon.
  6. by   RN always
    I have kept coming back to this thread, b/c I just don't know what to say except that you are in my thoughts. Hang in there and I'm sorry you are going thru this.
  7. by   JenKatt
    Like I said I can't go anywhere else.. it's the military, I'm stuck. I just wish I could deal with this... but I can't.. thanks everyone
  8. by   Rustyhammer
    And after JCAHO there will be something ELSE that is equally pressing.
    You have taken the first step and that is realizing that you are FRIED!!
    Take some time off! Do it now or do it later but don't wait until you are insane!
  9. by   Stargazer
    Originally posted by JenKatt
    Like I said I can't go anywhere else.. it's the military, I'm stuck. I just wish I could deal with this... but I can't.. thanks everyone
    Ah. Any chance of reassignment, or at least taking some leave?
  10. by   JenKatt
    I have Christmas off for the first time in 4 years... 10 whole days with my family. as for reassignment.. not a chance in hell.. I'm pretty much the only one who knows what the hell is going on and how to do it.. I'm really in an impossible position
  11. by   hoolahan

    Are you taking steroids for your IBS? That can contribute to the feelings of depression you are having. Things always seem waaaay worse when you have to take the steroids.

    As far as AWOL, well, does a dishonorable discharge sound that bad right now? I don't know that much about the military, but I would definitely tell the NP about your depression, and how work is contributing so much stress which is aggravating your IBS. If she won't/can't write you a note out of work for a week or two, keep calling out sick. What are they going to do, send the MP's to your house and drag you out of bed to work?? Well, maybe they would, but just let a few rip in the squad car if so.

    Seriously, please tell the NP everything! Try for a section 8 if you have to! Take care of yourself first. You can't serve your country if you are falling apart.

    Keep posting, we are here for you, even if all we can do is give you some cyber hugs! {{{{{{Jen}}}}}}
  12. by   shay
    Can you take a MLOA?
  13. by   JenKatt
    MLOA? I'm not sure what that means...
    I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I definitly have IBS, I'm just guessing that's the term for my stomach aches and farting and bowel problems..

    Thanks again to everyone, I just talked to Mom, Supernurse as she is known to the rest of the world... She was a typical mother... You need to take care of yourself... well no joke! If I could I would, but that's the thing, I feel so empty, so something... I just can;t explain it

    Hoolahan.. thanks for the laugh... you might not have meant it as one, but it gave me a chuckle.... yes a dishonerable discharge does sound very very bad... for me that would make all fo this so much worse, like I've failed at life. I lvoe the military and what I do, it's just the circumstances in which I am working right now. We can't call sick, we ahve to go to sick call, and the provider decides if we are sick enough to go on quarters, if we are it's for a very specific amount of time... most of the time they will just put you on light duty of give you a tylenol and tell you to suck it up... lovely ain't it? I have a 4 day week end coming up.. it'll be ok.. I need to talk to hubby and get him to work with me on this... I simply cna't do this by msyelf, not yet. And right now I'm not sure if I cane ver do this.. even with help... black hole, here I come
  14. by   shay
    MLOA= Medical Leave of Absence. You can also use it for psychological reasons.