I am exhusted....:(

  1. Hello everyone:
    I am sure by now you all kind of know a little about me...here I am again....I am not going to criticize my job or my nursing profession here....I just want to share with you all a very stressfull issue of my personal life...I dont know any of you but you are all health care providers and I hope you wont mind listening to me....I just to need to let it out....I am just exhusted.....frustrated...I am begining to hate my life
    Ok as you all know I have 4 children, 2 of my children live in Canada with my ex and my 2 step children live with their mom and step dad and we get to have them every other weekend. My children are adorable, I love them very dearly. My husband and I are willing to do anything for our 4 children. We are sad by the fact that none of them live with us. We are happy to see them whenever they come to stay us....both of us have faught with our ex'es, spent lots of money for legal fees just so that we would be able to see our kids.
    My ex brain washed my oldest daughter, she did not talk to me for 3 years but now she talks to me, wants to move to USA to live with me...I just cant bring them here, I still need to go to court to change the custody order (I want sole custody, right now we share joint custody) and also not to mention the time will take to go through immigration issues. However I am waiting patiently and very very happy that my children finally realized how wrong their father was.
    On the other hand, my husband is also constantly taking trips to court just so that he can see his children. The children love to visit us. They adore me and as much as I adore them.
    My ex was abusive and my husbands ex left him and their two children for a man she met online (sounds like a Jerry Springer Show...isn't it??...lol). I had to give my children to my ex because my daughter did not want to live with me and my husband gave the children to his ex because the children were only 1 and 2 yrs old and he thought they needed their mom.
    All we wanted is to see our children, we did not mind having joint custody, that they lived with our ex'es.....but we had nothing but agony in our lives....my husbands ex always accused me of doing things or saying things which are nohing but BS. I knew we needed money for lawyers so that we could fight for our rights, so I took two jobs. Both my husband and I work our rear end off , we both pay our ex spouses child support, not to mention all the gifts and goodies that we get for our children, everytime my children ask their dad for anything he tells them off and he tells them to ask me for money. My daughter cries and tells me how guilty she feels becuase the way her dad constantly puts me down. My husband on the other hand also pays child support. His ex does not work, her excuse she does not have any work experience. So whatever my husband earn, half of it goes to pay child support....on top it his ex constantly ask him for more money....I have enrolled my step children under my health insurence, all I pay is $5 co-pay, but his ex expect us to pay $2.50!! She can not afford $5 for her children??....my step children tells me their mom shops at Nordstrom, Vicotia Secret...so on...she has money to shop in all those expensive places but she does not have money for the children!! She spends the childsupport for her own luxery...you may be thinking I am just a jelous person....which I am not, I would do anything for our children, but I am just frustrated that I work so hard to provide for my family but at the end I get nothing but abuse from my ex and my husbands ex. I want to fight with them and tell them how selfish they are, I want to curse at them, call them names but I am not allowed to say anything because our lawyers dont want us to look bad when we go to court....I have no choice but to tolerate all the abuse from both of these individuals.....I work 6 days a week, I dont get any break, no matter how much I make it never seems to be enough.
    I wish I could bring my children to USA now, I wish I could tell that selfish woman (my husband's ex) that she is nothing but a money hungry B.... but I cant.....I am begining to hate my life...life sucks....I hate the legal system....they dont care how we live....if I did not work as a RN my poor husband would not have enough money to pay for his rent....because of the amount he pays for childsupport. I dont mind paying for the children, but it irritates me when she wants more.....both of our ex-spouses are using our children as pawn and the legal system does not give a damn....
    I have a cold now, I am mad and very upset, I can not afford to get sick now....I need to work....we have to pay our lawyers....it is soooooooooo frustrating.....
    I am sorry for taking all of your time. I have no one to share my pain with....people will think I am gone crazy....
    Please pray for me so that I dont loose my sanity.....so that I get the strength to fight for our children....
    I dont want anything....I just want our children....I want them to be happy.....
    Thank you all
  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   birdgardner
    You have my prayers, Shantas. I hope things get brighter for you soon - what a rough time you're going through now.
  4. by   MA Nurse
    I understand what you're going through. I have a blended family as well.
    My kids are with me more than my ex, thank God. I have learned that you have to keep your mouth shut when you really want to go off on people (the ex's) you will look better in the long run if you act better than they do. It sounds like you're having a hard time, maybe because it's Christmas, too? If I were you, i would fight for your kids.
    Hang in there and be strong.
  5. by   Nicky30
    I'll say a little prayer for you. Hang in there, I hope all your hard work pays off and you can have all of the kids together soon.

    It's always harder at christmas. Kudos to you for your superhuman efforts.

  6. by   kimmie4476
    Your post almost exactly mirrors my life, so just know you are not alone.

    My husband's ex left him 14 years ago for another man and we have been fighting to see the children since then. The kids are old enough now to make their own decisions (the youngest 2 are now 15 and 16, and the oldest one is now married) so we get to see them regularly without a fight. Only problem is now the ex is divorced from her man and is going through a second childhood, partying and carrying on keeping the kids out at night to drive her drunk butt home, so when they come to our house all they do is sleep!

    To keep the peace, we are actually still paying child support for the oldest one who is married, and probably will till the youngest turns 18. My husband was recently injured and is now out of work for the next 3 months, so yep you guessed it, I'm working as many extra shifts as possible to cover the bills and child support.

    I guess this probably isn't cheering you up much, but just know you aren't alone, and that you WILL get through it!
  7. by   LiverpoolJane
    Shantas - I don't know how old the children are but take it from me the years fly by, I know it is very trying for you now andI share your frustration of handing money over to someone who is too lazy to work. My son is 25 now and when he was younger I could never imagine a time when he would be an adult. These two people (the two exes) are having it all there own way now and I do hope you get things sorted to your satisfaction. Soon however the children will grow up and then the financial support will stop and the children will no longer be under negative influences. I married briefly when my son was 10 - 13 and was hurt beyond belief when my own son took the side of my ex - even though he had made both our lives miserable when we were married, he had also told his version of events to so called friends and I was critised by them. I cannot describe the pain I felt as this man was not my sons father. Anyway it sorted itself and I have the satisfaction of him being thought a fool by everyone - even his own family - who I am still on very goods terms with.
    Hang on in there - you are allowed to feel wounded by this - but try and see beyond this time - it will get better, I promise.
  8. by   MoriahRoseRN
    I am sorry you are going through this right now, please keep your head up. Already you have seen it come to pass with your daughter, and your other children will see through the lies your ex has told them.

    You need to take some time for yourself and regroup, your body is trying to tell you to slow down. My prayers are with you in this tough situation. God bless!
  9. by   Thunderwolf
    Since the topic is non Nursing, moved to Break Room.

    Hope things improve for you, Shantas.

  10. by   Justhere
    Shantas, hope everything works out for the best. Maybe since your daughter is older she can tell the judge that she wants to be with you instead of her dad.

    Hope you have a Merry Christmas.