Husand Won't Stick Up For Me With Evil Sister-in-Law (his sister)

  1. Y'all are my online community and I gotta get this off my chest.

    Christmas 2002: Christine's (dh's sister) stupid @#$%# dog lunged at my 1 year old and almost bit her in the face. I saw the dog "warning" her to stay away and was able to grab her just in time.

    Well, their dog would NEVER bite (cause she's just so doggone nice, I guess) so I must have made it up. It developed into us having a rip roaring figt in my M/FIL's kitchen (the meeting place of the farm). Then I was asked by dh to come talk it out with Christine. The "talk" consisted of her repeatedly calling me a liar and spewing a laundry list of misquotes of every word that had come out of my mouth for the previous three years. Dh just stood their. Didn't defend me. Didn't sya that if I say the dog tried to bite Kayla, the dog tried to bite Kayla. I begged him to stick up for me right in front of the witch to no avail.

    BTW, they live in Pittsburgh, but the dog always has to come to IL's farm even when her lazy husband sits home on his fat arse watching football/baseball, etc.

    Since that time the dog has lunged at her several more times. Stupid @#%$# dog. BTW, I do love dogs and own a goofy 80# yellow lab.

    Well around September I was assured by my dh that the dog was much better with Kayla now that Kayla's older. And to save peace, I reluctantly started allowing Kayla near the Stupid @#%$# dog. Stupid @#%$# me. I knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn't safe and I just let it happen.

    Well, Christmas day Stupid @#%$# dog bit Kayla in the face. Thankfully it was superficial. I didn't see the fight and Christine's Stupid @#%$# daughter lied saying first that she accidently pushed Kayla into the coffee table and then that the dog pushed her into the table. It was a cabin and kinda dark, Kayla was hysterical only able to say the first letter of Stupid @#%$# dog's name. So Stupid @#%$# me believed Stupid @#%$# daughter.

    Well Stupid @#%$# husband won't even call sister. He is such a bleeping wimp. I am so beyond PO'd at him. I sent her an e-mail cause talking just don't happen btw she and I and I would have to do it over the phone. She won't even reply to e-mail and still he won't call her. It's always tomorrow, too late, too hot, too cold too whatever.

    BTW, here's the e-mail I sent the *itch:
    Just wondering if you received this e-mail since we haven't heard back from you. In case you're trying to e-mail John instead, you need to send his mail to **** as e-mail is not on his pc right now.

    Hi Christine,

    I am writing you regarding the injury to Kayla on Saturday night. You may or may not be aware that Kayla was not bumped into the table, which is what we all thought since Lauren stated she bumped her, and then changed to saying that Belle bumped Kayla. I noticed in better light that Kayla had 2 bite marks on the bridge of her nose. In addition, the only words Kayla could get out when it happened were Belle, Belle.

    I asked her in your parents' living room "how did you hurt you're nose?" Kayla: "Belle hurt it." As I was putting her in the car to go home, "How did Belle hurt your nose?" Kayla: "She scratched it." "How did Belle scratch you?" Kayla: "With her teeth."

    Now, I would hate to have a repeat of two years ago, I will however, do whatever it takes to protect my daughter. Two years ago, things got ugly. They should not have. Your dog tried to bite my one year old. Since that time, both John and I have seen the dog lunge at Kayla. In addition, it bit Matthew over the summer (in the face, just like Kayla). So, whether or not you want to face it, there is a problem here; a potentially very dangerous and expensive problem.

    Your dog will NOT EVER be near my child again. I will NOT be treated the way I was treated two years ago. How you behave is your decision, but I won't be so nice this time. In addition, John agrees that the marks on Kayla's face are from your dog. You can ask him why he didn't contact you.

    Please e-mail back with the date of Belle's last Rabies vaccination. We need to know this for obvious reasons.

    My regret is that I allowed family dynamics to cloud my judgment. I knew that Kayla was not safe when around Belle, but allowed her near the dog to appease John and you, etc. I will NOT make that same mistake again.

    I'm perplexed as to why this dog has not been euthanized. I know if it were my dog, I'd be crying the whole way to the vet and I'd be crying explaining the reasons to my child, but I'd would euthanize the animal. What if it had bitten her eye or caused other serious injury? She is still at risk for developing an infection.

    Sue Zorn
    Sent it delivery receipt, return receipt, nothin back. How do I resolve this. I'm thinking if she doesn't give me the vax info of calling animal control so that can chop Stupid @#%$# dog's head off and test it. :angryfire

    This is adversely effecting our marriage. How the heck can I trust him when he can't/won't stand up for me and won't even stand up to my daughter. I am a mess.

    TIA Y'all.
  2. 22 Comments

  3. by   student_girl
    Humm, might be my irrational, immature, 23 year-old self talking, but I believe kids' welfare should be put first, as you're obliously trying to do. I'd have a guilt talk with dh. Make him feel guilty, he deserves it. As for the dog, call the spca. The next time she bites, it might be even more serious. Tell that to your sister-in-law (by email). And REFUSE to see her again, even during the holydays.

    Good luck!
  4. by   Roy Fokker
    Now I know I'm not too old and I certainly am not married.

    But I respect my cousin's wife a lot (she's married and a Mother of two) and one day while we were just talking and we got to the topic of relationships, she told me one thing:

    "Listen. Now whoever you are going to marry, she needs to have your 110% support. Your wife needs to have the utmost faith and confidence and you will support her. Even if your wife is wrong, never let anyone castigate her in public - especially members of the family. It doesn't matter who is doing the yelling! She is your wife - NOBODY, not even YOU, get to castigate her in public. Resolve disputes between yourselves in private and then carry that resolution to the party in dispute. It is absolutely humiliating and demoralising for a wife if she is being yelled at by someone else and if her husband won't do anything - if nothing else, to get the yelling at stopped.

    Don't ever forget this!"

    Now I love and respect this woman and she's talked a lot of sense into my (often very) thick skull.

    I hope you can resolve the dispute
  5. by   prmenrs
    I agree, report the dog to animal control. Ask THEM to find about the Rabies, since your request for info from dog owner was non-productive. Make sure your child is seen by the pediatrician. Document. And, lastly, assure your husband that the next time you plan on seeing his sis, the dog will not be there, or you won't. Don't mess with this dysfunctional family, it's not worth it.
  6. by   VivaLasViejas
    You have my sympathies. I have a sister-in-law like yours, and she made my life a living hell for years before I finally decided not to take any more. My hubby didn't stick up for me either (mainly because she intimidated HIM as much, if not more than, she did me!), a nasty little fact that brought us to the brink of divorce more than once. To this day she continues to be a master manipulator, an abusive, cruel, selfish woman, and generally a brass-plated b****. The only difference is, she's not a part of our lives anymore, even though she lives in a neighboring town. There is nothing she could say or do that would change my mind, either.......we tried to resume something of a relationship with her a few years back, but the veneer she put up to make us feel like she was really sincere about 'bringing the family back together' didn't last more than a few weeks, and all too soon she showed her real colors.

    That was the end of that, and now even my husband has no contact with her........he finally saw through all her BS and stopped trying to make family out of someone who didn't have a clue as to what family is all about. Our kids don't have a relationship with her or her daughter either, nor do they want one. It's too bad. But no relationship is worth the emotional abuse
    this woman dishes out to anyone who will put up with her for longer than five minutes. Sounds like your SIL is another real sweetheart..........again, I'm sorry it's that way, but you've got to protect yourself and your children no matter what.
  7. by   mattsmom81
    It amazes me how some people feel about their dogs....they exalt them, swear they can do no wrong, assume everybody wants to dote on them like they do. Dogs are dogs..they are animals and people come first...ALWAYS. Some of my family disagree with this. I have had it out with a sister of mine on this issue too. if family is coming over and there is ANY hint of ANY problem the dogs are automatically outta there ahead of time. This should be a no brainer IMHO.

    I empathize with you as I too married a wonderful guy who unfortunately had a crazy dysfunctional family. Most of us have one crazy inlaw out there...I am blessed with most of mine being evil and crazy. My husband was too much of a wimp to stand up to them... I ended up leaving him over it; we then got back together and moved 1000 miles away from them...that is what it took for my hubby to break away. It remains a sore spot however and it almost ended our marriage.

    Finally I had to say if you want to see these people fine but I will not....not worth the headache and heartache. Period.

    You may have to do this as well to get some peace of mind. I hope you can get your husband to see how much these people are getting to you. Does he realize he may lose you over this? Can you talk him into some marriage counseling and bring his family issues into it? We did this and the counselor helped open my hubby's eyes a bit..he was surprised when the counselor 'took my side'. In his mind it was my 'job' to accept his people no matter what. Wrong.

    Good luck to you and hope you can work this out.
  8. by   CarVsTree
    Quick note 'cause I'm gonna be late for work otherwise.

    We had a looooonnnnnnggggg talk last night (well sometimes I was yelling). He now understands how he hurt me and that by allowing her to treat me and our daughter this way it is the same as him doing it himself.

    We'll see how he fares with his sister. I'll update later.

    Thanks girls!
  9. by   Nurse Ratched
    This is an instance where your child's welfare MUST come first. DH should be advised (matter of factly, not angrily) that for her safety, the child will not be in attendance at any family function where the dog will be in attendance. Sister has the option of bringing the dog and not seeing her niece, or kenneling him for visits and seeing her. This is not blackmail; it is protecting your child.

    Secondly, you can file a dog bite report with your local health department, and indicate that you have been unable to ascertain rabies shot status, that this dog is a known aggressive animal, and that all you want to know is whether he has had his shots, as you certainly won't be around the animal anymore. The person at public health can get the information if you can't (in fac,t if you know if the dog has a vet, the PH person can call there and get the info.)

    Good luck. The issue with your husband is another one entirely. I presume he's not confrontational enough (given his past behavior) to INSIST that you attend family functions with the child, but if he does, I would have to wonder where this spine disappears to when he is around his family of origin.
  10. by   Rustyhammer
    If it were me...After the first incident the dog would have never been allowed in my house again. After the biting, I would have blasted him myself. "Come here doggie, Sit...good dog...BAM!"
    As far as hubby not backing you up? I can see where he wouldn't want to get into the battle but he is your rock. He should be there for you no matter what.

  11. by   talaxandra
    I love dogs.
    Many dogs are better than many people - "dogs are the best people."
    Despite this, any dog that unprovokedly attacks a person should be put down, as we have done with two of our dogs. Bart was odd from the get go (he was acquired when he was about a year old), and after he snapped at a boyfriend's hand he was gone. Marco was gorgeous, great with kids, but he went for a chihuahua when my sister took him on a walk - the size of a small pony, he was hard to stop. When he went for a toy poodle that was that - the vet said that he would always see small creatures as prey, and that he couldn't be trained out of it. It devastated us to have him put down, but there's just no competition.
  12. by   barefootlady
    Please understand, I know you are upset and angry that your small daughter was subjected to an injury and the guilty party will not return your request for needed information. Do as the other posters have instructed, report the dog bite to animal control, be firm in the resolve to NEVER be around this dog and SIL again. But, I would have a eyeball to eyeball talk with the hubby, I would tell him how his lack of support has hurt me, I would tell him that his love for his sister is admirable but as his wife you should come first in every way. His daughter suffered a needless injury and he should understand this will never happen again, you and she will not be visiting on occasions the SIL is there, especially if the dog will be present. You need to let him know that the seed of hurt was already there from the previous incident when she twisted your words and deeds and he just did not defend you. Let him know you love him but if he expects love and support from you, he has to give the same in return. While it is good to cut the people out who are a constant cause of stress and problems, this is a sign of a deeper issue and needs some attention fast. I do not mean to preach, but incidents like you describe have caused many a marriage to end in divorce.
  13. by   GPatty
    When we rescued our first Dane, he was fine for a couple of months, then began to lunge at our 16 y/o son for no apparent reason. He did this a couple of times, causing scratch marks on our son's hand.
    We began to muzzle him whenever he was in "family" population.
    One night, (on July 4th, we now know that the firecrackers are what riled him up) he actually bit our 11 y/o daughter. Hubby happened to have a rolling pin in hand and bopped Riley on his head with it, knocking him to the ground. Hubby called me at work, and brought our daughter to me. He explained what happened and that he thought he had killed our dog. Riley wasn't dead, but he sure has been more gentle than ever since then! We have gotten him neutered and changed a few things (Like keeping the trash on the landing to the basement since he seemed to have a "protection issue" with the trash can and that's where our son was every time Riley went after him.)
    He's a pretty good ol' boy now, but still has his tempermental moments~thank God hubby handles him when he gets hateful, which is few and far between anymore.
    I do think hubby should have stood up for you and your family with the issues. And I hope he does from now on...Good Luck and let us know how things go.
  14. by   fergus51
    I don't think the dog needs to be put to sleep, but she certainly should not be allowed around children. In the end, you can't control anyone's behaviour but your own. If I were you I would see if another family member can obtain info about the dog's shots (though if it's been a while since the dog bite and it was superficial, I don't think rabies really matters anymore) and just not participate in family events if the dog will be present. I also have a nippy dog (15lb terrier) and he is never off leash around children. NEVER. Kids are just too tempting for him to bite (anything loud that runs he thinks of as prey). On the rare occasions I let kids into my home, he goes in the bedroom for a nap. He doesn't appreciate it, but it's a decent solution and I don't see any reason why your SIL couldn't do the same if she insists on taking the dog to family get togethers.