Hubby's in school- the tables have turned and it SUCKS. So there.

  1. Okay, I have got to spill this because I had the worst day yesterday!!! GRrrrrrrrrrr. Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling fantastic. I did almost all of my Christmas shopping online (thank you, lawd, for computers!!). I had my gingerbread scented oil wafting through the air, my Christmas lights were on and twinkling over our makeshift mantle (our entertainment center), and the air was crisp and about 50 degrees which is the way I like it. My husband and I were going downtown to exchange some perfume he bought me. He bought it ONLINE without smelling it, but that's a completely different story (with requisite fight, of course...). I rarely get a chance to dress up anymore- seems like I'm always working. I haven't had my hair cut in over a year, and I wear minimal makeup to work, hair always in a twist to keep it out of my face, yucky uniforms- you're all familiar with the drill. I thought we could go down there, windowshop a bit, have lunch or dinner...basically enjoy the afternoon. I let him sleep late, got ready, was feeling particularly pretty and extra-happy, and woke him up. He watches me setting out a nice outfit for him when he drops the bomb: He has to study all afternoon and evening for final exams. I said, why didn't you TELL me that??? I have been looking forward to this outing all week long. I let you sleep late. You could have studied last night, when we were at home doing nothing. Finally, he suggests that I go downtown myself (We live in New Orleans and I love the French Quarter more than life...almost...) because he doesn't like it down there. I should exchange the perfume myself, enjoy myself, and come back where I will meet him at the door. He will be dressed, pressed, and ready to hit the town for dinner out at WHATEVER restaraunt I choose in WHATEVER location. Sidetracking a bit, he, in all six years we've been together, has NEVER gone with me to the French Quarter. He hates everything about this city, and has been urging me to move since we met. I keep telling him if he would only go *with* me, I know he would have a good time. Okay, so this was the FIRST time he was agreeing to go, even though technically he'd already backed out of the shopping exchange trip for the first part of the day. I said, screw it, I love it down there, and it's always so beautiful on a bright, cool day, I'll go alone. So I did. And the whole time I wished he was with me. I fell in love with the city all over again, and drove home in a blur of good feelings and barely contained excitement. You know, forget it, I'll say it now...the reason he bought the perfume over the internet was because he didn't want to go downtown. A friend of his suggested that they go together to get Christmas presents for me and this guy's girlfriend. I had given him a list, and asked him to pick out a scent that he liked from a choice of five scents that *I* liked. I had also asked for a bracelet, and he knows my taste well, so I knew he wouldn't have a problem picking out something pretty. He refused to go, and instead ordered this damn perfume off of the internet without smelling it, thus saving him a trip to get it. Men, excuse me for a minute, but ladies, you DO SEE WHY THIS IS UPSETTING ME A BIT, RIGHT??? Then, when he opened it up to smell it, it smelled like my grandmother's a**crack AND HE TRIED TO CONVINCE ME THAT I WAS SELFISH and that it smelled good. It didn't. It was horrible. HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBLE. And then I had to go exchange the damn thing by myself. Okay, back to yesterday. I go shopping, have a great (but could have been greater with him or, hell, a girlfriend if I had any...) time, and go home. He is lying in his underwear on the living room floor reading a magazine. I'm still in such a good mood, I wait another hour for him to get up, putter around (my patience was waning at this point), and get dressed. Then he sits down at the computer. I ask him, so honey, is there anywhere in particular you'd like to eat? (For some reason, we always end up at a chain restaurant that has stuffed tater skins or some such crap and the food sucks and we BOTH complain about it...and then he wants to go again.) He says, no, this is YOUR day, tell me where you'd want to go and we'll go there. I had a first, second, third, fourth, and fifth choice. I was well-prepared. I suggest one. He says, great. We get in the car and drive there. We are dressed beautifully, my hair is shiny, we had hot cocoa from our favorite coffee shop on the way, and I'm in seventh heaven. We get to the first one and I pull the car into the driveway. There are teenagers outside in formal wear (winter formal or whatever) and he says, 'Uh-ohhhhh..' in this voice I've come to know as the "Kristi, prepare yourself for stinging disappointment because he's about to freak out on you and ruin your night"-tone-of-voice. I say, what? He says nothing. I pull forward and there is only valet parking. He panics. God Bless him, I love him, but he's ridiculous about this kind of thing. He wouldn't go to Red Lobster (not my fave, but he kept saying he wanted to try it) for TWO YEARS because he insisted that it was a super-dressy restaurant and we wouldn't fit it. Frigging Red Lobster!!!! GRRRRRR. I had to drive him by the Red Lobster THREE TIMES on three different occasions to show him people were going in wearing jeans and shorts before he would go in. Now. Valet Parking. He says, no, no way, it's too expensive. I say, honey, the parking llot is smaller than our apartment. They HAVE to have valet parking, otherwise where would anyone park their cars? He's not listening. He's lighting a cigarette. Okay, fine. Still in good spirits, I drive through and pull out the other side. Now on to number two. It's fifteen minutes away. Neither of us have eaten a bite all day, for various reasons. I'm fourteen minutes into the trip and he says, where are we going? I say, oh, number two. He says, uh-uh, there'll be a wait. He is talking in a I-have-a-headache-and-she's-a-raving-b*tch-voice now. I say, heaving a small sigh, okay. Fine. I turn the car around, drive back in the direction we came from, and on to number three. This one is now about 17 minutes away. We get halfway there and he says, You know there's going to be a wait THERE, TOO. I say, so what? I'm losing my paitence and my good mood is ceasing to exist. He says, okay, whatever. I say, okay, what about number four? He says, no, I've heard the food is bad. Okay, number five? Mind you, we're now driving in huge circles, on the interstate, off the interstate, up this road, back down this road, Uptown, Downtown...we did this for THREE HOURS. T H R E E H O U R S. Oh. My. God. I was having chest pains. No matter what I suggested, he shot it down, either with a no or, more commonly, a look like I've been smoking crack for even considering it. He says, I NEVER SAID we couldn't go to such and such place. I said, no, you never SAID it, but you rolled your eyes, snorted like a horse, and lit four cigarettes at the same time. I kinda got the impression that you didn't want to go there. He says, the problem is we don't decide these things before we leave. I say, WHAT? We decided this...choice number one...my day...all about what I want...anything ringing a bell? Then, when you didn't want to eat there, I gave you YOUR PICK of the remaining restaurants. I was feeling like I was going to vomit. My cheeks were flaming. My hair was wild. I wanted to kill him. I was gripping the steering wheel with my kung-fu grip and I was so hungry I wanted to claw his eyeballs out and eat them on toast. We literally drove to about forty restaurants in a three hour period, and he nixed every single one and denied that he did it. NOLA. Cheesecake Bistro. Marisol. Deanie's. Red Fish Grill. Andrea's. Lido. Bella Luna. Brennan's. Palace Cafe. Mama Rosa's Pizzaria (I was desperate here.). Carmelo's. Sapporo's. Thai place under the Dragon's Den. Frankie and Johnny's. He nixed all of them. I exhausted my list. I moved on. Bennigan's. TGIFriday's. Cucos. O'Henry's. The frigging Ground Pati, and he knows I hate that place. Outback. I pulled into a Burger King, ordered a box of chicken strips, ate them in less than a minute, and gave him the keys to the car. I said, I want to die. Take me home. Take me wherever. I have ceased to exist.


    DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE TOOK US??????????????

    ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL PULL HAIR OUT AND ROFL SOME MORE....

    THE FIRST PLACE I SUGGESTED.

    We've made up. However, I have determined that he is the .
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  2. 26 Comments

  3. by   Sleepyeyes
    That, or he has an undiagnosed phobia of good food.....
  4. by   vashka25
    :roll

    Okay okay okay....*snort*....I'm not laughing about the whole situation....honest!....
    Its just that I swear our men must have been in the same line when the "dining out with the other half" mentality was handed out in heaven!!!!!
    Only difference being that mine does the...."tell me where you want to go" ALL the darn time too...... *hint to honey*(I live in another dang country and don't even know what restaurants are in your town !!!!)

    ~Good luck girl !!!...we'll all be here to hear about the next episode!~

    ~Dawn~
  5. by   JenKatt
    Sounds like your husband and my husband need to get together and make a club
  6. by   sunnygirl272
    omg....sweetie..quit nursing and start writing books....you rock!!!
  7. by   kittyw
    OH MY !!!! Don't men realize there's going to be a wait and if you keep driving from here to there you only allow MORE people to get in line in front of you??? Ok .... here's what I did.... I programmed all our favorite resturants into my cell phone. I then call before we leave (or in transit).
  8. by   kids
    Buy him some aftershave that smells like your Grammas a$$ crack...he'll have to go into the city to exchange it .

    Seriously, I sympathize, I love foreign food...Greek, Thai, Mexican, Indian etc. Not DH...dinner out is Outback or TGIFridays. I love steak, don't get me wrong...but I can cook it at home, when I go out to eat I want food I can't cook myself!
    Last edit by kids on Dec 8, '02
  9. by   Stargazer
    OMG Kristi! That was hilarious and scary at the same time. Big hug to you and thanks for making me happy to be single today!
  10. by   shygirl
    Kristi,

    I usually never have time to read the really long posts, but I couldn't help it. This is some funny stuff here! You should write a comedy book. I was laughing so loud, everyone came to see what I was laughing at. They liked it to.
    can I ask the name of the perfume that smelled like Grandma's ...crack? LOLOLOL. PM me if you don't want to say here!
    Shygirl
  11. by   nurs4kids
    Kristi,
    I don't know about your hubby, but YOU are talented. As stated above, I normally don't take the time to read the long posts because I get bored with them. The above is hillarious!!! As for your hubby hating the French Quarter..well, I'm with him <sorry>. That has to be the nastiest place on earth..I feel like I need to run myself through a sterilizer after leaving there. The flip side to your hubby is one like mine who will NEVER decide where we're going...I'd love just one time to hear him say, "Let's go ...". As for your hubby feeling underdressed..well, you should be thankful. It never fails, I'm dressing me and the kids while hubby slooooooooowly dresses himself. We get ready to walk out the door..me and the kids dressed in casual-dress..I look at hubby and he has on those dang old blue workpants that he wears to work and a t-shirt that usually has a hole or two in it. He has, however learned "the look"..you know, the "i ain't goin' nowhere with YOU lookin' like that". He tucks his tail and returns to change. I swear, he'd go to a five star restaurant dressed in jeans and a strip of t-shirt...and never feel the least bit self-conscious.

    As for the "he's in school thingy"..I did it for two years with two small kids (newborn and one year). Was a real beech. He worked FT and went to school FT. I was also working FT. The only thing that got me through it was thinking of the $$$ we'd have when he finished. That was a year ago and he's still making the same he was making before he started. Talk about frustrated
  12. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by JenKatt
    Sounds like your husband and my husband need to get together and make a club
    Can my hunny join?

    Seriously, men just suck that way. We've pretty much come to the place in our relationship that we're accepting of the things which we cannot understand or comprehend.

    But I really have to know which perfume it is that smells like granny a**crack. Just in case....

    Heather
  13. by   NICU_Nurse
    Rest assured, the chances of ANYONE ever buying this (especially on this board) are zip. As I mentioned, we live in New Orleans, and there is a little boutique parfumeur that's like, over 100 years old, down in the French Quarter. In my area, we have sweet olive trees that bloom in the spring and fill the air with this sugary, sort of peachy, super-delicious smell. I had mentioned to him that I wished I could find a perfume that smelled like that- I would wear it day and night. Peachy. Peachy. He got online and purchased an 'Olive Blossom' perfume from this perfume maker, without smelling it, without a description of if even, and when it came in, it...well...I've already been there. Don't make me live through it again. As sort of an update, this morning, the alarm went off for him to wake up and go to school. I got up, went into the bathroom, hit the snooze at his request, and sat down to pee. I flushed the toilet, it started running. He says, jiggle the handle. I say, Okay. I jiggle. And jiggle. And jiggle. It keeps running. It's loud. It's sort of high pitched. I can't hear anything but the sound of rushing water and his voice vaguely complaining again and again, No...No....Noooooo....Jiggle it...jiggle it...Da*n it! Jiggle harder. Jiggle harder, da*n you! No! No! NO! This went on for ten minutes. The alarm went off again. He says, can you hit snooze one more time? I say, okay. I walk out of the bathroom. I lift one foot towards the bedroom door, and he says, muffled underneath the pillow, 'NO, jiggle it again. It's still running.' That was the point when I leaped on the bed to choke him and I can't remember much after that.
  14. by   Tweety
    Funny story!

    As difficult as you are to please, it's hard to imagine you've been together six years.

    Did you really think after SIX YEARS OF TELLING YOU HE HATES NEW ORLEANS he would go downtown with you? Silly womyn! LOL I know, I know, "if he loves me, he would go just to be with me"...barf.

    Where are your manners. Couldn't you have quietly thanked him for the gift. You live in the South. Polite Southerners don't get a gift and say it smells like granny's crack.

    But seriously, he must be the devil to drive around three hours and then go back to the first restaurant.

    Hysterical! I really needed a good laugh today!

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