Well, the ol' War & Terrorism forum has been pretty contentious of late, so I thought I'd lighten things up for a minute with a little humor from www.topfive.com.
One of the inevitable side effects of constantly being at a national state of "heightened security alert" is that people start getting blase' about it:
The Top 50 Ways Americans Handle Danger
50> I repeat everything Danger says in an annoying, nasal-y voice.
49> I flick Danger's ass with a wet, rolled-up towel.
48> I give Danger a time-out.
47> I tell Danger those pants *do* make his ass look big.
46> I ask Danger to give me two tens for a five.
45> I volunteer to bunk with Danger in prison.
44> I show Danger's girlfriend his bare-butt baby pictures.
43> I remove Danger's mattress tag under penalty of law.
42> I hit on Danger's girlfriend while he's in the can.
41> I feed Danger Ex-Lax brownies before his important sales
40> I don't tell Danger he's got a booger hanging from his nose
before his job interview
39> I flush the toilet while Danger is taking a shower.
38> I kiss Danger right on the mouth after I've had a salami
sandwich with hot mustard and a big bag of Funyuns.
37> I leave a fake number and 10 dollars on Danger's nightstand
in the morning.
36> I borrow Danger's hedge trimmer then never return it.
35> I eat all of Danger's Thin Mints and leave him with half
a box of Lemon Pastry Cremes.
34> I go to Hawaii and only bring Danger a lousy T-shirt.
33> I record and rebroadcast Danger's games without the express
written consent of Major League Baseball.
32> I scare off the pigeons while Danger is feeding them.
31> I sucker-punch Danger in front of his girlfriend and make
him cry like a little wussy-girl.
30> I take 11 items into Danger's "10 items or less" supermarket
29> I send Danger tasteless postcards from Cancun.
28> I read the newspaper over Danger's shoulder.
27> I look Danger full in the face without benefit of duct tape,
bottled water or plastic sheeting.
26> I make sure that Danger doesn't get enough roughage.
25> I tell Danger that if Danger *really* loved me, Danger would
watch "Gilmore Girls" with me every week.
24> I put butter on the popcorn even though I know Danger
23> I flirt with Danger, even though Danger shows signs of an
alternative sexual orientation.
22> I reveal my love for Danger on a "Secret Crush" episode of
21> I use Danger's razor to shave my legs.
20> I pretend to be Danger's friend only to form a secret alliance
with Peril and Menace to beat Danger in the next immunity
19> I disclose Danger's secure location.
18> I sell Danger's used panties to Japanese businessmen.
17> I wipe my butt on Danger's shower curtain.
16> I deliver Danger's nachos and neglect to say, "Careful --
15> I make Danger sleep on the wet spot.
14> I threaten Danger with patently frivolous legal action.
13> I wash Danger's white Eminem concert T-shirt in a load of
brand new red flannel sheets.
12> Danger? I'm soaking in it.
11> I sabotage Danger's live call-in show with a thunderous
10> I shuffle my feet on the carpet before I shake Danger's hand.
9> I force Danger to take me to David Arquette movies even though
I have absolutely no intention of putting out afterwards.
8> I spit on Danger's Whopper while Danger waits patiently at
the drive-through window.
7> I hide Danger's stapler.
6> I bring enough gum for everyone BUT Danger!
5> Snapping my latex glove, I tell Danger to lean forward and
prepare to cough.
4> I gratify myself sexually beside Danger on the bus.
3> I do a pretend cough that sounds like I'm saying,
2> I toke up in the face of... hey, got any nachos?
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Way Americans Handle Danger...
1> I don't even bother suppressing my rapturous facial expression as I urinate in Danger's Jacuzzi.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com