How do I get through this?

  1. I need words of wisdom here...I am really hurting

    I am having a really hard time with my life right now. I feel that I am trapped between my Faith in God and my non religious family. I wish my family would follow in my path into Christianity, but they won't. Today, I chose God over family. My mother is very, very mad at me. But my heart just told me to go with God. I missed my sisters bridal shower. I don't enjoy being around people that swear a lot and drink a lot, and have nothing good to say. So I didn't go. Tomorrow afternoon, I am spending the day with my sister. I feel that one on one time with my sister is so much better then just being in the same room as her.

    I guess some of my family is upset with me too. But, this isn't really the whole problem. I can't really go into depth, because I have lost track of why my mother and I do not get along. It has been going on for too long, and I can't take it anymore. The reasons I come home late sometimes is because I just don't want to go home, I don't want to deal with my mothers negative attitude. I'm tired of crying all the time. I'm tired of my mother not listening to ME. I sit and listen to her, I try to do what she wants, but for some reason it's just not good enough. Tomorrow night I guess I am going to be having a 'talk' with both mom and dad. I don't look forward to it.

    I will sit and listen to what they have to say, but they need to listen to what I have to say. I'm to the point where I just don't want to live here anymore. I just want to leave for a while. But I guess running isn't going to solve much. But it would give my mother and I a break.

    Well, thanks for listening, if you've read this far! Sorry so long. I just really need to let it out. I need some words of wisdom. Prayers if you will. I'm just so tired of everyday being sad, and in pain. I'm tired of crying all the time.
    Last edit by kristi915 on Jul 28, '02
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   Love-A-Nurse
    kristi, ((((hugs)))). the only thing i am going to say about your post is, no one can "make" a person believe in what they believe in and in this case, the faith that you believe. all you can do is let your light shine and maybe this light will one day shine through them. i can only imagine the pain you must feel at this time. i am glad to hear you say you will talk to your parents and if nothing else, tell them you love them. keep the faith!
  4. by   live4today
    Kristi....((((((hugs))))))) Ditto to what Stephany has told you in regards to your faith, and desiring for your parents to become Christians. DO keep the faith, continue praying for them, and most of all....pray for strength to endure that which WILL come up against you BECAUSE of WHOM you believe in. Satan will attack you from all avenues of your life just to keep you depressed and angry at the situation around you. DO NOT give him the glory, give the glory to God. Go to our private prayer group and share your concerns there with the ladies so we can be praying for you collectively. I will email you tomorrow too. Stay encouraged, and know that you are loved. If you want, you are more than welcome to come stay in my home. Even got a bedroom for ya. :kiss Just know everything will turn out just as it is suppose to in the long run because nothing you extend in the name of the Lord comes back void as long as you are living in God's Will yourself. Let your light so shine before men that they will desire to have that light in their life, too. :kiss
  5. by   LasVegasRN
    I'm going to put on a serious hat here and try to give a shoulder to lean on.

    When you are going through a spiritual journey, you are also experiencing a change within yourself. It's kind of like doing spring cleaning, of yourself. At some point you have decided you need to clean your house. You've been busy dusting off the cobwebs, sweeping up all the debris, and opening up the dark curtains to let sun come in. Guess what? Some people want and like you to keep a cluttered house. They don't want you to change because they liked you the way they were.

    When you start a spiritual journey, you start to see things more clearly. You may no longer have on the clouded and distorted glasses you have been struggling to look through all of your life. All of a sudden you see pictures that are hanging askew. You see mold that has built up on the tub you didn't see before. Now, you want to clean it up. Why? Because you want to get your house in order. You feel the need to get your house in order, because your soul is longing for that sunlight that was blocked out for so long.

    Now that your spiritual house is getting clean and you are sitting there in your living room enjoying the clear view, it's hard to get out and go into someone else's cluttered house. You want to tell them, "Stop! Clean it up! There is such a beautiful view outside and you are missing it!". Sure, they hear you, but they have to want to clean on their own. Their cleaning may involve breaking old habits that hurt others. Their cleaning may involve simply acknowledging that they have let their house because overwhelmingly filthy. Whatever their cleaning involves and needs to involve, remember, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

    Sure, it's hard to see that mess. But, in time, when you have fully completed cleaning your spiritual house - the house that embodies your mind, soul, spirit, and love of YOURSELF, you will have no problem going anywhere. Why? Because when you have achieved that total cleansing and getting your house in order, you will be so calm with yourself that NO ONE - no amount of drinking, cursing, or whatever, will shake the firm foundation you have made.

    You know what else? Once you have established that foundation of truly loving yourself, your spirit, and mind, it will shine through. You won't have to say a WORD, because it will be apparent in every thing you do, say, and how you act. Some may even see that in you and ask what you have done. You'll be able to say, very simply, "I cleaned my house."
  6. by   live4today
    Originally posted by LasVegasRN
    I'm going to put on a serious hat here and try to give a shoulder to lean on.

    When you are going through a spiritual journey, you are also experiencing a change within yourself. It's kind of like doing spring cleaning, of yourself. At some point you have decided you need to clean your house. You've been busy dusting off the cobwebs, sweeping up all the debris, and opening up the dark curtains to let sun come in. Guess what? Some people want and like you to keep a cluttered house. They don't want you to change because they liked you the way they were.

    When you start a spiritual journey, you start to see things more clearly. You may no longer have on the clouded and distorted glasses you have been struggling to look through all of your life. All of a sudden you see pictures that are hanging askew. You see mold that has built up on the tub you didn't see before. Now, you want to clean it up. Why? Because you want to get your house in order. You feel the need to get your house in order, because your soul is longing for that sunlight that was blocked out for so long.

    Now that your spiritual house is getting clean and you are sitting there in your living room enjoying the clear view, it's hard to get out and go into someone else's cluttered house. You want to tell them, "Stop! Clean it up! There is such a beautiful view outside and you are missing it!". Sure, they hear you, but they have to want to clean on their own. Their cleaning may involve breaking old habits that hurt others. Their cleaning may involve simply acknowledging that they have let their house because overwhelmingly filthy. Whatever their cleaning involves and needs to involve, remember, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

    Sure, it's hard to see that mess. But, in time, when you have fully completed cleaning your spiritual house - the house that embodies your mind, soul, spirit, and love of YOURSELF, you will have no problem going anywhere. Why? Because when you have achieved that total cleansing and getting your house in order, you will be so calm with yourself that NO ONE - no amount of drinking, cursing, or whatever, will shake the firm foundation you have made.

    You know what else? Once you have established that foundation of truly loving yourself, your spirit, and mind, it will shine through. You won't have to say a WORD, because it will be apparent in every thing you do, say, and how you act. Some may even see that in you and ask what you have done. You'll be able to say, very simply, "I cleaned my house."
    BEAUTIFUL!!! SIMPLY AND BREATHLESSLY BEAUTIFUL!!! :kiss
  7. by   Beach_RN
    Kristi, I am so sorry to hear about your current situation. Relationships with moms can be difficult at times. However, please hang on to your faith! Continue praying to God for his guidance, He will see you through....and please try to keep those lines of communication open between you and mom!

    Brenda
  8. by   Beach_RN
    LasVegas RN........ beautifully said!
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by lasvegasrn
    i'm going to put on a serious hat here and try to give a shoulder to lean on.

    when you are going through a spiritual journey, you are also experiencing a change within yourself. it's kind of like doing spring cleaning, of yourself. at some point you have decided you need to clean your house. you've been busy dusting off the cobwebs, sweeping up all the debris, and opening up the dark curtains to let sun come in. guess what? some people want and like you to keep a cluttered house. they don't want you to change because they liked you the way they were.

    when you start a spiritual journey, you start to see things more clearly. you may no longer have on the clouded and distorted glasses you have been struggling to look through all of your life. all of a sudden you see pictures that are hanging askew. you see mold that has built up on the tub you didn't see before. now, you want to clean it up. why? because you want to get your house in order. you feel the need to get your house in order, because your soul is longing for that sunlight that was blocked out for so long.

    now that your spiritual house is getting clean and you are sitting there in your living room enjoying the clear view, it's hard to get out and go into someone else's cluttered house. you want to tell them, "stop! clean it up! there is such a beautiful view outside and you are missing it!". sure, they hear you, but they have to want to clean on their own. their cleaning may involve breaking old habits that hurt others. their cleaning may involve simply acknowledging that they have let their house because overwhelmingly filthy. whatever their cleaning involves and needs to involve, remember, it is not about you.

    sure, it's hard to see that mess. but, in time, when you have fully completed cleaning your spiritual house - the house that embodies your mind, soul, spirit, and love of yourself, you will have no problem going anywhere. why? because when you have achieved that total cleansing and getting your house in order, you will be so calm with yourself that no one - no amount of drinking, cursing, or whatever, will shake the firm foundation you have made.

    you know what else? once you have established that foundation of truly loving yourself, your spirit, and mind, it will shine through. you won't have to say a word, because it will be apparent in every thing you do, say, and how you act. some may even see that in you and ask what you have done. you'll be able to say, very simply, "i cleaned my house."
    simple and to the point! excellent, lasvegasrn!
  10. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by cheerfuldoer
    satan will attack you from all avenues of your life just to keep you depressed and angry at the situation around you. do not give him the glory, give the glory to god.
    yes, renee, thanks for this reminder. satan has no reason to mess with his "own", so he comes after god's children.
  11. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by b_matt
    ...however, please hang on to your faith! continue praying to god for his guidance, he will see you through...

    brenda
    amen!
  12. by   LasVegasRN
    Thanks, all, but I can't take all the credit for what I said.
    Yes, I have been through that spiritual journey and have cleaned my house. Yet, every now and then, I look up and there is a garbage bag sitting in the middle of my living room. How did that get there? And, I have to clean it up.
    When I get frustrated, downhearted, and feel like giving up, I pray. I listen to "In the Meantime" audio CD by Iyanla Vanzant (where I learned of love's house). I cry. Then I pray again. In the end, the sun (and you can also say, the Son) always shines through. :angel2:
  13. by   live4today
    Vegas says...."The Son always shines through."

    Amen! Amen! Amen! night everyone! Til tomorrow....I leave you....:kiss
  14. by   darby1
    I know myself what it's like to feel like a stranger in my Mom's house. I had always been the life of the party, until five years ago when I gave up my drinking and partying. I no longer desire to be around bad language and drinking alcohol, so I don't fit in during our Christmas party at Mom's. I've had my feelings hurt by my brothers also. My family believes in God, but choose to use Him as a spare tire. They only use Him when they need Him. I've just learned to do my own thing and keep away from people who don't make me feel welcome. It's a blessing to hear you girls talk about the Lord and I can tell you all know Him. We just need to continue to pray for nonbelievers, that they could know the joy of a walk with the Lord. It's great to know that there are many Christian nurses here, and I'll be joining the ranks in a few short years. You ladies have been an inspiration to me this evening, and I am glad to be a part of this fine group of people. Thanks for your time. Darby

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