The thread about unlearning what we learned from our parents got me thinking about other ways we are like our parents. Of my four children, two of my boys and my daughter are so much like my husband that it is sometimes eerie. They have the same personality traits, the same mannerisms, and the same annoying habits. My other son is much more like me. On a deeper level, they all have the same morals and value system that my hubby and I share. I see my FIL frequently in a lot of the little things that my dh does. Both of us came from unhappy family situations however, and have tried very hard to be different than our parents. My FIL was physically and emotionally abusive, and MIL was cold and distant. Hubby has never laid a hand on me or the kids, and has always been very loving. My own mother is a controlling, manipulative, negative, self serving person who spent the first 17 years of my life telling me how ugly, stupid, and worthless I was, and how I could never compare to my sisters. I found out years later that she told them the same things. My father was so uninvolved in our lives, the only real memories I have of him are of him sitting in front of the TV. As I have gained some perspective over the years, I think that may have been his way of avoiding my mother. I will never know for sure, he died shortly after I left home. As hard as I have tried to be unlike my mother, I still catch myself using some of her expressions. DH tells me some of my mannerisms are like hers too. I guess we are all doomed to take on some of our parent's traits.
Jul 12, '02
RninICU, you are right on. My Mother is also a manipulative person with a negative outlook on life. I think she has been chronically depressed for years, but she would never admit to it, and she would receive any idea of that nature so poorly that none of the 3 of us kids (I am the eldest) would DARE mention it to her. My father is very protective of her, but she rules him with an iron fist. I think his protectiveness comes from the fact that he has had a chronic health condition for many years, and she has stuck by him (telling anyone that would listen about how many Dr's. appts., etc. she has to go to with him).
One of my most memorable adult conversations with her was about 15 years ago. Mom said that life with my Dad was "better every day." I was astonished-she rarely refers to anything personal. They have been married for 53 years.
Anyway-traits. I hear my Mother's voice and laugh come out of me sometimes, and I am appalled, because I never liked the sound of either, very much. I try to be much more loving and kind to everyone than she was/is, and usually suceed. My Mother is a very strong woman, but I believe that I get my tenacity and desire to succeed from my Dad. He was always adamant about standing up for what you believe, and "say what you mean, and mean what you say." I have the work ethics of both of them, and basically the same religious and lifestyle practices. I am glad that they are my parents. We were a dysfunctional family, but I think that most families are dysfunctional, in some way.
Jul 12, '02
I look a lot like may mother. She's also an RN. I really never thought I had much in common with my father. It seems though that now that I'm getting older, I'm turning into him (without the mustache, of course). I have his drive, his bizarre sense of humor, his temperament... I even think like him sometimes. I can read his mind.
Jul 12, '02
I think I was more like my Dad when I was younger. We like to travel (couldn't be in one place more than 6 months~ been to 29 states), but now, as I'm getting older, I see more of my Mom coming out in me.
I see alot of me in my children. Especially the 16 and the 7 y/o. But I also see alot of their Dad in them. Especially in the 13 and the 9. We even call her (9y/o) JR because she acts like her Dad, talks like her Dad (Hillbilly accent~ none of the others have it!
) and she looks the most like her Dad.
Isn' t it amazing how traits are passed down even though we swear we'll NEVER be like our parents?
Such as when I'm fussing at my children....when did I grow my Mothers finger?
Jul 12, '02
I really didn't think I resembled either parents growing up, and loved the fact that I did NOT look like them.....to me anyway.
Now that I am growing more...MATURE...I find myself talking like them, looking like them, acting like them......GEEZ!
With my own three children......the middle child grew up with her father's parents constantly telling her that she should have been a boy because she was the spitting image of her father....inside and out. However....today, I am happy to say she is turning into her mother more than her father....she still has some quirks of his, but she's improving with age. :chuckle
The oldest girl and the youngest girl have personalities just like mine.....always have. They also look like BOTH their father and myself. People use to say my ex and I looked like brother and sister anyway.....thank God he's a handsome man.
Jul 12, '02
I have made it my personal goal in life to be NOTHING like my mother or my father......from the time I was 15 I swore I would never be like either one of them and have pretty much stuck to it although I think I have inherited mom's depression.......
Jul 13, '02
Why, I AM NOTHING LIKE MY PARENTS!:imbar
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