Housekeeping Shortcuts

  1. Dirt:
    Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

    Cobwebs:
    Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

    Pet Hair:
    Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

    Guests:
    If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl, and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

    Dusting:
    If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

    Painting:
    Don't bother re-painting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...I haven't had the heart to clean it..."

    General Cleaning:
    Mix one-quart cup pine-scented household cleaner with four-cup soft water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh: "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   moz
    I like it and have been known to pile everything up in my bedroom and leave the door shut when unexpected guests, especially my mom arrive.
  4. by   Whisper
    I hide things in my wardrobe, and then run around spraying pledge everywhere, when my mum just pops in!

    backfired this weekend though, they saw my tip, I mean room, and I tried the whole,' would you preffer I pass my course or have a tidy room line?'
    didn't really work though... will have a tidy room as soon as my essays are in, or else
  5. by   jnette
    :roll

    These were great !!! Where do you GET this stuff !!!
  6. by   gwenith
    Oh! Gods SOooooo True! I'm an "indifferent" housekeeper at teh best of times my two favourite wall hangings read

    "If you must write in the dust do not date it"
    and
    "A creative mind is rarely tidy"

    My mother on the other hand could clean a city dump.
  7. by   ktwlpn
    That's great,Betts...Before I got married my aunt took me aside to give me a piece of advice-she told me that no matter what I did or did not do during the day I should always get the vacuum out into the middle of the living room floor and plug it in just before my husband was due home...My mom used to say that "The mark of a good housekeeper is a clean butter dish" I think of her whenever I wash mine-and that dish is clean-but don't look too closely at the rest of the house...You can't anyway because I am a big fan of mood lighting-when the family comes over the curtains are drawn and the candles are lit...
  8. by   gwenith
    found these on an old email thought i would add them in as they "fit" the flavour of the thread


    signs found in kitchens
    ------------------------

    1. kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!

    2. martha stewart doesn't live here!!

    3. i'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!

    4. so this isn't home sweet home... adjust!

    5. ring bell for maid service...if no answer do it yourself!

    6. i clean house every other day.... today is the other day!

    7. if you write in the dust, please don't date it!

    8. i would cook dinner but i can't find the can opener!

    9. my house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

    10. a clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

    11. cook can't take it anymore!

    12. i came, i saw, i decided to order take out.

    13. if you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards.

    14. you may touch the dust in this house...but please don't write in it!

    15. apology...although you'll find our house a mess, come in, sit down, converse. it doesn't always look like this: some days it's even worse.

    16. a messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

    17. if we are what we eat, then i'm easy, fast, and cheap.

    18. a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

    19. thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

    20. blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

    21. a clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

    22. help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

    23. countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on
    to lead normal lives.

    24. my next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

    25. gardening forever . . . housework, never!

    26. dull women have immaculate houses.


    the famous joke of the day one liner!

    never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
  9. by   betts
    Gwenith,
    Enjoyed reading those and may possibly have several signs made for ocassions; ie: guests,guests,guests...
  10. by   zudy
    One of my favorites:"If you come here to visit with me,drop in any time. If you come to see the house, make an appointment!"

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