Hormone Hostages (Men)

  1. HORMONE HOSTAGE

    Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth, and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or male child.

    DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
    SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
    SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

    DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
    SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
    SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

    DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
    SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
    SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

    DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
    SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
    SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

    DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
    SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
    SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.


    Top 10 Things PMS Stands For:
    1 Pass My Shotgun
    2 Pack My Stuff
    3 Perpetual Munching Spree
    4 Puffy Mid Section
    5 People Make Me Sick
    6 Provide Me with Sweets
    7 Pardon My Sobbing
    8 Pimples May Surface
    9 Plainly; Men Suck
    10 Please; More Salt


    Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN, BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE TRASH!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
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  2. 22 Comments

  3. by   renerian
    ROFLMBO! Funny Heather! That 60 second posting thing is bugging me today .

    renerian
  4. by   emily_mom
    FUNNY!!!!!! The last also works for toilet paper roll changing.....

    Kristy
  5. by   Lausana
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
    SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
    SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
    :roll Love it!

    Also works for wearing PJ's in public
  6. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by Lausana
    Also works for wearing PJ's in public
    I'm not the only one that does that?

    (you should have seen what I took Brian to school in.... thatnk goodness the car never breaks down!)

    Heather
  7. by   FutureRN~Pookie
    Hey guys. Just wanted to let you know (Heather and Lausana) that I , too, go out in my PJ's. No jeans during Aunt Flo's visit!

    Pookie
  8. by   Lausana
    Originally posted by FutureRN~Pookie
    No jeans during Aunt Flo's visit!
    Or any time I can help it! :chuckle
  9. by   l.rae
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    I'm not the only one that does that?

    (you should have seen what I took Brian to school in.... thatnk goodness the car never breaks down!)

    Heather
    I just get a kick out of some of the get-ups ppl arrive at the ER in....LOL...you know, those unexpected visits????...usually MVA's.....if l had a dime for every appology for clothes, unshaved legs etc...l could retire ....love the post.....right on target!
  10. by   hapeewendy
    hahah thats funny , I remember being in the drug store with my then boyfriend and I was picking up a few mmmmmmmmm lets call them essentials and he was all embarrassed and got all quiet and I said "whats your problem? women do have their periods you know, your grade 9 health class told you so remember?" and he said "yeah I get it but do you have to spend 15 minutes in damn aisle figuring out what your buying, I mean its not like shoes or anything right? they all fit the same and look the same dont they? he sputters on for another moment or so before he realizes that he is having an indepth conversation, with me, in the drugstore, in the "girly" aisle and shuts up I roll my eyes, pick up my SUPER DUPER VALUE PACK of "products" and proceed to have him carry them around while I shop a little more
    I suppose he could have said no to carrying them but that wouldnt be very sensitive of him now would it? oh and from previous experience I guess he learned not to mess with me at certain times, so win win situation I'd say
    now now now dont think I'm pure evil for bugging him about this, I was just surprised at his reaction ,and in turn, had to torment him, in a loving way of course haha
  11. by   J-RN student
    :chuckle :roll :chuckle
  12. by   JohnnyGage
    Originally posted by hapeewendy
    hahah thats funny , I remember being in the drug store with my then boyfriend and I was picking up a few mmmmmmmmm lets call them essentials and he was all embarrassed and got all
    :chuckle I've never understood why men get embarrassed by these things. I'm more than happy to pick up tampons, etc. for my wife. What?? Like the checkout guy thinks that I'm the one using them? I don't think so.

    I have to say though that the PJs in public thing really bugs me! Why, why, why?? Like looking like a slob to the world is going to make you feel better? *sigh* Some things I just don't understand. (And probably never will, so I should give up now...)
  13. by   hapeewendy
    I'll have you know that it takes a VERY SEXY woman to pull off the track pant bulky sweater combo !!!

    I havent really gone out to the store in my PJ's but I would assume its a comfort thing ...the fashion faux paus that most concerns me , even to this day is the whole socks with sandles dealie.... argh
    and I think my lil bf was "affected" because there was this extremely beautiful , I mean gorgeous , supermodel looking woman in the aisle at the same time , picking up her "essentials", in among all us regular women , and If I recollect there were a fair bunch of us in there at the time, musta been a sale goin on
    it was interesting to see the supermodel girl , pretty as ever, in tight pants and a halter top shopping among the bloated, grumpy, pj wearing masses, real humbling experience *yeah right*
    I Hope she had cramps !
    ( mean I know)
  14. by   JedsMom
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    I'm not the only one that does that?

    (you should have seen what I took Brian to school in.... thatnk goodness the car never breaks down!)

    Heather
    Oh no, the car didn't break down, it just got a flat tire, right in front of the school:imbar A nice gentleman offered to change it for me. Never made that fashion mistake again

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