Hilarious--best read out loud...

  1. The DH's high school class has gotten very active in some kind of chat-like news group. He forwarded this to me (we live in the south....)


    Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful
    kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her
    heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his
    brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane
    highway." Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat an
    apple through a picket fence." There are also the sneakier ones: "You
    know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after
    they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds."

    As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all
    that bad. I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was
    telling about her new Transplanted Northern friend who was upset because
    her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My
    friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about
    those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this
    woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you
    believe it?" said her friend. "A child of mine is going to be
    "taaaallllkkin liiike thiiiissss.."

    Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North,
    bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and
    their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten
    past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here.
    And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

    We've already lost too much. I was raised to say "swanee," not swear,
    But you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I swanee you don't.
    And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right
    much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is
    right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's
    hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or
    "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'" to
    do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over
    yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!

    My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't
    help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."

    Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
    1. Drinking straight out of a can.
    2. Not sending thank you notes.
    3. Velvet after February.
    4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

    Southern girls always say:
    1. "Yes, ma'am."
    2. "Yes, sir."

    Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
    1. "Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"
    2. "Well, bless your heart."
    3. "Drop by when you can."
    4. "How's your mother?"
    5. "Love your hair."

    Southern girls know their three R's:
    1. Rich
    2. Richer
    3. Richest

    Southern girls know everybody's first name:
    1. Honey
    2. Darlin'
    3. Sugah

    Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
    1. "Gone With the Wind"
    2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
    3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
    4. "Steel Magnolias"

    Southern girls know their cities:
    1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =(Atlanta as outsiders say)
    2. Richmon
    3. Challston
    4. S'vannah
    5. Birminham
    6. Nawlins'
    7. OH! And that city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!

    Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
    1. Bad hair
    2. Bad manners
    3. Bad blind dates

    Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised In The
    South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS (Girls
    Raised In The South!) Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".

    That Reminds me - I have a rubber stamp that says "Just because your
    Children were born in the South! does not make them Southerners.
    After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."
    Bless Yer Hearts
  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   karenG

    sounds like you have your north/south divide as well!!!

    do people really talk like that???

  4. by   debblynn13
    LOL.......yup they really do......LOL

    My brother married a southern gal....and I swear his accent is worse than hers now.

  5. by   Tweety
  6. by   Spidey's mom
    My family is from the south and YES, I have heard all those sayings.

    Very funny. I love that we have regional differences. Makes the melting pot a bit more tasty.

    Thanks for the chuckle.

  7. by   AmyB
  8. by   VivaLasViejas
    This is great!! Much of my family were Southerners too, and I grew up with sayings like "Goin' to church don't make you a Christian any more'n settin' in a henhouse makes you a chicken!"
  9. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from mjlrn97
    This is great!! Much of my family were Southerners too, and I grew up with sayings like "Goin' to church don't make you a Christian any more'n settin' in a henhouse makes you a chicken!"
    marla, you are a (?wrinkled) piece of work.
  10. by   nekhismom
    Well, it made perfect sense to me!! I'm a G.R.I.T.S. to the "t", I swanee!!

    My grandpa always said "i swanee" and it got on my nerves. Now that he's gone, i sure do miss hearing it, I'll tell ya!
  11. by   aimeee
    The swanee thing is new to me. Don't remember ever hearing that.
  12. by   Altra
    :chuckle :chuckle

    Thanks for sharing that! I lived in "Challston" for several years ... miss it sometimes.
  13. by   Angela Mac
    ya'll forgot the new southern classic "Where The Heart Is" starring Natalie Portman & Ashley Judd. A must see movie. It incorporates our favorite social hang-out: the Walmart.