Hey all OB nurses!!

  1. We actually had a pretty slow night last night. So when the phone rang, the OB tech said "let the machine get it!" We laughed about that and said we should get a machine and put the following message on it:"You had reach Labor and Delivery, we cannot come to the phone right now but if you think you're in labor press 1. If you think your water broke, press 2. If you see a head down their, for gods sakes, hangup and dial 911!...then go to Valley hospital!!!"(hospital across town) Clever huh?
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   Q.
    Neon - LMAO!!!

    Except how about "If you think you're in labor - hang up and dial your doctor!"

    and "if this is a breastfeeding question, press 1," and then it gets connected to some ghost line and it just sits there......ahhhh the beauty of peace and quiet on L&D.


  4. by   JennieBSN
    LMAO!!! You forgot, "if you have a question about paternity testing, or want to know why you can't have an orgasm with your 'baby daddy' at 3am, hang up and call the nearest surgery center to have your tubes tied."

    Don't I wish....
  5. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Kday you are awesome! If I hear the "my baby daddy" thing one more time I'm gonna scream!

    Heather
    (...still laughing!)
  6. by   neonnurse2
    Hey Heather, don't forget(pt wailing hysterically)"Mama! Mama! My booty hurt!!!!" Baby daddy is usually watching tv or whatever.
  7. by   neonnurse2
    "You have reached the labor and delivery unit. We can't come to the phone right now because of a never ending parade of pregos keep walking thru the door with no sign of stopping! Thanks to are charge nurse we have (once again)over booked inductions with out proper staffing. So needless to say we are running around like the Keystone Kops. At this time all questions stupid or otherwise will be redirected to some hospital across town. Thank you, *beep!*
  8. by   JennieBSN
    Originally posted by neonnurse2:
    <STRONG>Hey Heather, don't forget(pt wailing hysterically)"Mama! Mama! My booty hurt!!!!" Baby daddy is usually watching tv or whatever. </STRONG>
    LMAO!!!!! a little TOO close to the truth!!!! LOL!!
  9. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
    You guys are a riot!!!

    It makes me feel better to know that someone else experiences the things that drive me crazy on a daily basis! I too had a patient that I admitted to the post partum unit about 15 minutes before the end of my shift. Every thing I said to her, or question I asked her, she replied with a church-revival-type "Lord do my booty hurt!" After she did this quite a few times, her mother finally screams "Girl, don't nobody want to hear bout yo booty!"

    I did provide the next shift with a little comic relief when I stated very seriously in my report, "pt. was medicated with 2 Percocet for a hurtin booty" This is also the same patient who, when asked to rate her pain, stated it was nothing "a big fat joint" wouldn't fix!

    "If your booty hurt, press 1 now..."

    Heather
  10. by   oreo9400
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER:
    <STRONG>AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
    You guys are a riot!!!

    It makes me feel better to know that someone else experiences the things that drive me crazy on a daily basis! I too had a patient that I admitted to the post partum unit about 15 minutes before the end of my shift. Every thing I said to her, or question I asked her, she replied with a church-revival-type "Lord do my booty hurt!" After she did this quite a few times, her mother finally screams "Girl, don't nobody want to hear bout yo booty!"

    I did provide the next shift with a little comic relief when I stated very seriously in my report, "pt. was medicated with 2 Percocet for a hurtin booty" This is also the same patient who, when asked to rate her pain, stated it was nothing "a big fat joint" wouldn't fix!

    "If your booty hurt, press 1 now..."

    Heather</STRONG>
  11. by   Q.
    "Hello...you have reached Labor and Delivery. We are unavailable to assist you at this time because we are unable to hear the phone - as we have primips who are huffing and puffing, screaming and on thier hands and knees who are a fingertip and posterior. If you think you are in labor, please, hang up and dial your doctor. If you think your water broke, please...note the color of the fluid - because ANYTHING green coming out of your crotch at ANY TIME is bad, pregnant or not. If you think you are bleeding, please, stop having sex for one night in your life. All other concerns please feel free to leave a message - it will be answered in the order it was received. And if this is the ER - please do a quick ultrasound to make sure the patient does indeed have a uterus before sending them up. Thank you." *BEEP*
  12. by   neonnurse2
    Suzy, We must have had the SAME EXACT NIGHT last night! We had 2 prims wanting to "go natural." They sreeeeeeaaaammmeeeddd the whole night. (gee, what a wonderful bonding experience...)My favorite was a pt coming in with a full entourage, insisting that her water broke, "this time".
    Perineum was dry, 3 amnicators and a fern test came up negative, she sat there with her arms crossed over her chest and just couldn't believe it!....Well, after having sex, you normally have "wet stuff" leaking outta there!! Duh! I sent her home...
    "You have reached the L&D unit, nobody can come to the phone right now. If this is the ER wanting to send up a pt because she thinks she may be pregnant but isn't sure, your call will be immediately terminated following a very loud whisting bomb blast from L&D.
    All other questions stupid or otherwise will be redirected to some hospital across town. *BEEP*
  13. by   Q.
    Neon - LMAO!!!!!

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