Help with kids!!!

  1. Hey everyone this is kind of long but at this point I don't know where to turn. I have 3 boys 10, 5, & 3 the oldest lives with his father. But the younger two are here with me and dad. To put it bluntly my kids have behavior problems and I am a wreck. I have no clue what to do. We have tried everything from rewarding for behavior, spanking, time out, taking things away, talking to them, we have been in parenting classes etc. The 5 yr old has just started kindergarden and we have had a call just about everyday and he just started on the 4th. He was sent to the principal today and got spanked twice with the paddle. The 3 yr old is in a catholic pre-k 3 program and we have been up to that school everyday as well. My husband has pretty much sat in on the class EVERYDAY!!!! And I am like o.k is this how it's suppose to be everyday? WHy are we paying tuition? We can't afford for him to stop working and I am in my 3rd semester of 4 for my bsn. So on top of that my husband works an hour away at stennis space ctr (we live in biloxi). We have no family around most of my friends were literally washed out of town due to katrina. Child care is scarce but they BOTH have already been kicked out of daycare before and I fear it will only happen again. Today I was told that kindergarden is not a requirement and he might have to be pulled out because he is a danger to other kids. I was told the same thing the other day for the 3 yr old. Just to give you some of the things they do at school the 3 yr old hits, throws blocks, spits on kids, throws his food, runs from the teacher and ignores her when she calls him. The very first day she asked me did he have a hearing problem.!! The 5 yr old does the same thing. But what is so strange about this is they only do this with other people!!!! When they are with us they are just fine. We correct them on things but they are like normal kids as a matter of fact we are constantly getting compliments about how well behaved they are. I just don't get it!!!! What are we doing wrong? I am seriously about to go in depression mode I can't handle this. Tomorrow they have an appointment with a psychologist to be evaluated. I am seriously thinking that they are ADD or something. Dad is ADD and grand-dad is ADHD and their grandfather is ADD grandma on dad's side bipolar. I just don't get it can someone please give me some advice. I am seriously about to break down.
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  2. 5 Comments

  3. by   Lisa CCU RN
    You mention that their older brother lives with their dad, so I asume you are divorced and remarried. Could it be possible that the younger ones are jealous of their older brother living with their father?

    Please give more information about how long it's been since divorce, how often they see their father etc. I think maybe they are just acting out because they don't understand what's going on.
  4. by   dianah
    Behavior problems only with others, not at home / you've had parenting classes / hx family ADD?

    It sounds like your next step, having the kids eval. by psychologist, is the logical one. It is important, after taking a history of events from you and your dh, and observing the kids in his/her office with and without you around, that the professional observes the kids in the problem environment. The teachers/day care personnel need to be included in the interviews as well. Whenever I've approached them with simliar concerns, they have been more than willing to help, as it is a challenging (as well as a learning) situation for them, too.

    I am opposed to labeling kids as ADD for transient, age-related behaviour swings and trends. However, I am just as opposed to allowing a child's self-esteem to plummet and paving the way for a lifetime of misunderstanding, pain and self-hate from withholding appropriate evaluation and treatment d/t parental denial and pride.

    You're in a terrifically frustrating, vexing time (that really goes without saying). Feel free to vent here AND with the professional you will see. I wish for the best for you AND ESPECIALLY for them (!); keep us updated, if you'd like. -- D
    Last edit by dianah on Aug 17, '06
  5. by   cynt77
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    You mention that their older brother lives with their dad, so I asume you are divorced and remarried. Could it be possible that the younger ones are jealous of their older brother living with their father?

    Please give more information about how long it's been since divorce, how often they see their father etc. I think maybe they are just acting out because they don't understand what's going on.

    Sorry maybe I didn't make it clear enough. My second husband is their father. My first child is from my first marriage and when he turned 9 he asked could he live with his father (father was not in his life much) so I eventually gave in.
  6. by   catlady
    Sounds like you're doing the right thing. Hang on until you get the psychologist's input.

    BTW, what school still allows kindergartners (or any other kid, for that matter) to be paddled?
  7. by   cynt77
    Quote from catlady
    Sounds like you're doing the right thing. Hang on until you get the psychologist's input.

    BTW, what school still allows kindergartners (or any other kid, for that matter) to be paddled?
    Thanks I am trying.
    I think most schools in Mississippi allow paddling.

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