Help--my Kids

  1. I NEED SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO KEEP MY CHILDREN AWAY FROM ALCOHOL!!!!!! IN LIGHT OF MY HUSBAND'S (AND MINE) FAMILY TRAGETY, I NEED TO KNOW HOW I CAN PREVENT MY CHILDREN FROM BECOMING ALCOHOLICS. MY GRANDPARENTS (ON MY FATHERS SIDE) WERE ALCOHOLICS, MY FATHER IS A BINGE DRINKER, MY HUSBANDS GRANDMOTHERS WERE BOTH ALCOHOLICS, MY HUSBANDS FATHER IS A BINGE DRINKER, ONE OF MY HUSBANDS SISTERS JUST DIED FROM ALCOHOL POISONING, AND TWO OF HIS OTHER SISTERS ARE, WHAT I CONCIDER, ALCOHOLICS. I DON'T WANT MY CHILDREN TO END UP THIS WAY!!!!!!!!!I KNOW A GENE HAS NOT BEEN FOUND YET TO CORRILATE THAT ALCOHOLISM IS INHERITED, BUT I BELIEVE ONE WILL EVENTUALLY BE FOUND. I AM AT MY WITS END WITH ALCOHOL. I CAN SEE HOW MANY LIVES ALCOHOL DISTROYS--DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY. I AM STARTING TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF AND MY HUSBAND. WE CAN'T JUST EVER HAVE ONE DRINK. WE WILL DRINK UNTILL IT IS GONE. NEVER AT HOME, ALONE, WE NEVER DRINK IN EXCESS WHEN THE KIDS ARE AROUND, AND WE DON'T DRIVE DRUNK. IT ONLY HAPPENS ABOUT 4 TIMES A YEAR THAT WE WILL DRINK HEAVILY. ALCOHOL IS NOT IN OUR HOUSE (UNLESS WE ARE HAVING A PARTY). ALCOHOL IS NOT SERVED AT THE KIDS BIRTHDAY PARTIES BUT WE DO HAVE SOME AT CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAYS---BUT NOT TO AN EXCESS----I DO HOWEVER ALWAYS WISH WE HAD MORE.(WE DO IT THAT WAY ON PURPOSE SO WE DON'T GET STUPID DRUNK) I WENT TO AA WESITES AND TOOK THIER QUIZ---I HAVE POTENTIAL BUT HALF THE BATTLE IS RECOGNIZING IT, RIGHT? ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE ME WOULD BE APPRECIATED. THANKS





    ANNE
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  2. 4 Comments

  3. by   hoolahan
    Radnurse, not sure what to say except this is what I told my kids.

    I explained that in my family, and on my husband's side of the family as well, there is a strong history of alcoholism. I did tell them that it was hereditary, and I warned my kids that experimenting for them would be different than for people who did not have an alcoholic tendency, so they could easily become "hooked," and because of that, once they got addicted to alcohol, it would be very easy to become addicted to other substances.

    My son seemed to take this lecture very seriously, it was one of those spur of the moment car ride speeches. He was the one who prompted the question, about why do some people drink alcohol and not become alcoholics while others will. I seized the moment, and that is always the best time. He is 14 1/2, and as far as I know has not done any experimentation. I am sure, like all teens and young adults he will eventually, I just hope I instilled on him the good judgement to know when to stop, and the reassurance that I would be there for him no matter what.

    If I told you what I was doing at 14, it would curl your hair!! Let's just hope he won't make my mistakes. Then again, unlike my parents, I am more available for him. Jusr be there. The best time to teach them is when they ask questions about it. I really wanted to see the movie Blow, about the coke dealers, just cause I love Johnny Depp so much. My dtr went to another movie with a friend, so my son came to this one with me. I hoped I was doing the right thing as the whole beginning of the movie more or less glorified drugs and dealing, but we spent a great deal of time discussing it afterwards, and I think it was another teaching opportunity for him.

    BTW, I read in a booklet about parents and what to tell kids about drugs, DEFINITELY do NOT admit that you inhaled!! Don't even admit you touched it. I have heeded that advice, so far so good, maybe some day when they are adults we can talk about it, but I will NOT admit that. I won't admit to that, or cutting school, or what age I was no longer a virgin, none of it.

    Personally, I had a serious wake up call one day afetr working in the ICU. I was 21. I was about 6 miles from home, we decided to go to a nurses home after work for an "attitude adjustment hour." Well, I guess I adjusted my attitude so well, I had a black out. Last thing I remember was noticing brake lights of the car in front of me and sluggishly thinking, whoa, I better stop now. God was with me to get me home safe that night. That wasn't when I learned my lesson thoug. My girlfriend and I were planning on continuing the evening at the nightclub later on. Well, I went home, and felt nauseous, so I went into the BR. Eventually the feeling subsided, never got sick, this time, but I passed out on the BR floor. I woke up after 11:30 pm, first thing I thought was Damn, I missed the boat to the club!! Of all things. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror, and the imprint of the tile floor was on my drool covered cheek. Somehow the sight of myself just made me realize WHAT am I doing to myself???!!! I made a decision, no more booze for me. I eventually did have a drink or two, but never more than 2, then I switched to soda. No one knew it wasn't a 7&7 in my glass, and I found out I could enjoy others' company just as well, if not more sober. I haven't missed it! I never drink before I have to drive, and since my kids most always need to be driven somewhere after work/school, I can't even have a drink til after 9 or so, then I am so tired, I know if I have a drink I'll be konked out, and I still have work/laundry/dishes to do, so I skip it. One bottle of my favorite Polish Blackberry brandy will last six months or more in the liquor "cabinet, but like you, if I want something more, I have to go out and buy it. Now that my dtr is reaching her hormonal peak, I find the urge for alcohol is much stronger, LOL! But I still won't drink before driving, I just won't ever trust myself like that again. I'm popular at parties, I am the number one chaffuer!

    Hope I haven't bored you to tears by now.

    Just trust your instincts, and if in doubt, ask your mom, she sounds like a terrific lady!!
  4. by   Jenny P
    Anne, I can't give any good advice because I thought I was doing the right thing by talking with my kids about drinking and drugs; and my son went over the deep end and ended up in prison because of smoking dope. He was only in prison for about 2 months, but it was the only thing that scared him straight. Both kids went through the D.A.R.E. program, my son was in Scouts (guess where he learned to smoke dope!), we were involved parents and tried to keep tabs on their friends and activities. But it was his "good" friends (Scouts, friends from church, etc.) that were the bad influences on him. I was honest with my kids: told them that I'd smoked dope once and had a bad reaction to it--- dtr. went to school and blabbed to the class that I used pot!
    Both my husbands' family and mine have pretty severe alcoholic tendencies; this past August when I saw one of my brothers, he had the shakes because he was trying not to drink around my Aunt or me (my aunt hasn't seen him for 5 years, I haven't seen him for 2). I have many close relatives who admit to being alcoholics, and though my husbands' family won't admit it now that most of the drinkers are dead; they told me about it years ago.
    My daughter used to say she would never use because of watching what her brother did and what it did to him and us, but one time when we were having a "heart-to-heart" talk it came out that she tried (I think it was)Ectasy at a dance and liked it. She admitted to using it 3-4 times during about a 3 month period of time last winter, but has promised she wouldn't use it again; and judging from her behavior, I think she's straight. I had her read some medical info on it and how it depletes the seratonin level. Since she's had some severely depressed friends and is aware of what seratonin does, it kind of scared her.
    My daughter had a job working at a movie theater last spring. She said that the movie "Requiem for a Dream" would keep anyone from ever using drugs. I haven't seen it, but I'd advise you to see it first before you let your kids see it. From her desciption, it's pretty depressing and graphic and deals with a whole familys' demise due to drugs.
  5. by   debbyed
    The best thing you can do is always be avaiable and have open honest discussions about Etoh and drugs. Don't rant or rave, don't threaten. Just give honest answers and firm advice. Let your kids know that they can always talk to you and that if they are ever out and are with someone that is drinking or if they had a drink themselves that they can call you no matter what the time and you will come and get them with no penelty involved. This worked well with my youngest son. He found himself at a party where everyone was drinking and decided to join in. Instead of trying to get home himself he felt confortable enough to call me to come get him instead. He said "I knew from our talks that we would discuss this later, but I knew you'd come and you wouldn't embarrase me infront of my friends so I called instead of getting in a car with them."

    Hope this helps some.
  6. by   nurs4kids
    Anne,
    You don't say how old your kids are? I believe you teach kids by example early on. Later, as the other's said, be there, be honest and don't rant and rave. It's amazing how impressive kids are; both my hubby and I smoke. Last week, my 2yr old, said, "look Mommie, I'm smokin' like you and daddy!!". I looked, to my horror, she had the straw out of her cup and was "smoking" the straw. I almost cried. I told her how nasty and dumb smoking was; she looked kinda confused. I told my husband that if we don't quit, and soon, she'll be a smoker.

    We don't drink, quit after having the 2 yr old. Initially it was because of pregnancy X 2 in 2 yrs. Now we just don't have the interest or the time. Just watch drinking in front of your kids, even if just at holidays. Adults socializing and drinking looks pretty appealing to a kid.

    Also remember, just because your kid experiments doesn't destine him/her to a life of abuse. I was very fond of pot as a teen; actually, I'm still very fond of it..lol, but I haven't touched it in years and wouldn't know where to find it IF I wanted some. Of course, I'd deny the previous line if asked by my kid

    good luck!!! I'll sit back and enjoy worrying about poo poo and boo boo's for a few more years before hitting the hard stuff..lol

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