Help! My fathers girlfriend is nuts!

  1. Hello everyone. I am fairly new to allnurses and I think I could use some advice.
    My parents divorced 20 yrs ago. Perfectly fine with that. My dad however has this new girlfriend. The last time Iwent home to visit he took she and I out to dinner so we could meet. For the first 20 minutes everything was fine. Then she asked me to "make some grandbabies" for her! I was (for the first time in my life) speechless. At first I thought she was joking. then she said that my seven yr old stepson was not enough and she wanted a lot of grandkids asap. Did I mention that she and my father have only been on 3 dates? I have no problems with my dad dating whomever he chooses. Don't get me wrong on that. But I have no idea how to react to this one. She couldn't have been more serious. I just tried to blow her off and asked her to pass the pepper. All of that happened about a month ago. Now she is suggesting that my husband and I move back home so she will be close to help with the baby(ies). Funny thing, I am not pregnant and my H and I don't even want to try for 2 more years.
    Am I over reacting? How do I communicate with this woman? I am completely not comfortable with her at all. Any advice?
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   Nikki730
    Wow. That is sooo weird. (Why does this woman feel so overly confident that she will be around in the distant future?) Maybe you will get lucky and your Dad will dump her. :chuckle

    When my mother tells me I should have some grandbabies for her, I tell her that if she wants grandbabies, she needs to crank out another baby quickly (she's 50) and hope they have some grandbabies for her in 20 years or so. Especially since I'm single, not dating, etc.

    Have you asked your Dad how he felt about this woman giving you the third degree about you having children? Maybe he could subtely suggest to her that she cool it. Afterall, some people are very private about their plans regarding kids. You shouldn't have to explain yourself or your plans to this woman.

    Maybe I'm just anit-social, but the next time she bugged me about it, I would laugh and say "Get off my back! Just kidding! Not really!" Of course, I guess it's hard for you because you want to be diplomatic and kind to this goofy woman because there's always the chance your Dad may become serious about her.

    Anyway, maybe she'll wise up on her own and drop the matter.
  4. by   Energizer Bunny
    What does your dad think? Is he even serious about this woman? She sounds off-the-wall to me!
  5. by   dianah
    Sounds like the subtle approach may not work with her, since she came on so soon and so strongly from the get-go, and has continued to push the issue.

    Reminds me of friends of ours who had decided to delay having children for a few years. He happened, though, to be a pastor, and as he stood at the back of the church to greet the exiting parishioners, he'd be met by the dear lol (little old ladies) who'd ask, as they shook his hand, "when are you going to have children?"
    He took to answering each inquiry with, "When the sperm count comes up." They didn't ask much after that.

    If your dad wants to date this woman, I suppose it's his business. But her comments to you are YOUR business, and not being right there and getting a "feel" for what approach might work in this situation, I really don't know what to advise. As this is a private decision between you and your spouse, it is really none of her business. Ann Landers would probably say "MYOB" to her, lol! Formulate a pat vague answer (That is a private decision, and I really don't wish to discuss it with you, or whatever you come up with that you are comfortable with.) and repeat it every time she asks. She may get the message someday.
  6. by   ARmickie
    Sounds like a woman my dad once dated! I ended the conversation rather quickly by saying, "ohhh.. it's gong to be a while.. why don't you go ahead and have one so you won't have to wait?" When I got the expected reply of "ohh, I'm too old.. blah blah blah", I just counteracted by saying, "Luckily we're not.. we have plenty of time and we intend to take advantage of just that!" When she opened her mouth to say something I just told my dad to "get her a baby"... the look on his face was priceless and she knew that he wasn't too happy with her invasion of my life in such a way. We never had the discussion again, thank goodness... she wasn't around too long after that.:chuckle
  7. by   Vsummer1
    I would simply state that it is not MY job to make HER grandbabies, HER kids should do that. It seems like you don't want to upset her though, so this may not work for you. If you couldn't say that, then I would speak to your father about how you feel that this is innapropriate.
  8. by   gypsyatheart
    Wow! She sounds like a loony tune! What does your dad think of her comments? I would definitely, in private, clue him in to the fact that you do not appreciate her comments. Plus if/when you see her again and she makes those type of comments I would say something like...."Gee, you're sure moving fast....I didn't realize you and my dad had made such a committment!". I know that sounds kind of rude, but w/people like this...that's the only thing they "get", sorry to say.
    I love ARMickie's story, too!
  9. by   ang75
    Good news. My dad called last noc and she happened to be right there. She insisted on getting onthe phone and started in again. I told her "It is not a subject I wish to discuss with you, there will be no babies for a long time but man! We are having a blast practicing!" She began to stutter and handed to phone back to dad.
    Maybe this worked! Thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate it.
    By the way, my dad tells me he is having second thoughts. It appears she has been bothering my 3 brothers too and they held nothing back when it came to telling my dad how they felt about her. Thanks again!
    Quote from moondancer
    Wow! She sounds like a loony tune! What does your dad think of her comments? I would definitely, in private, clue him in to the fact that you do not appreciate her comments. Plus if/when you see her again and she makes those type of comments I would say something like...."Gee, you're sure moving fast....I didn't realize you and my dad had made such a committment!". I know that sounds kind of rude, but w/people like this...that's the only thing they "get", sorry to say.
    I love ARMickie's story, too!
  10. by   Energizer Bunny
    Glad to hear that you stood up for yourself!
  11. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    One word for your dad: RUUUUUUUUN!
  12. by   dianah
    Reminds me of the saying, "you buttered your bread, now lie in it."

    Sounds like she's paving her own way OUT of your dad's life.
  13. by   Audreyfay
    Great job! I love to find answers that leave 'em speechless! I don't get to do that too often, but when I do, I relish the memory! :hatparty:
  14. by   NursePru
    She does sound kind of crazy. My prediction: she won't be around long. If she is making those kind of comments to you, imagine what she is saying to your dad. It doesn't matter what age a man is, if a woman is ready for a commitment before he is...it will send him running. Give it time she will scare him away. It could also be that she is so intimidated by you or nervous around you that her social skills are out the door and the comments she made were the only thing she could think of to break the ice. Just a though....or.....she's crazy :chuckle

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