Help, my daughter is TOO popular....

  1. My dtr's B-day is rolling around, and each year the stress gets worse. I cannot relate to this dilemma at all, since I was so unpoplar in school, I never had to worry about my party list.

    My dtr is very popular in her school, and has many friends from a few other local schools, thanks to her cousin getting her invited to their football games, etc...

    Anyway, I am allowing a SMALL party at our house, in the base ment, partially finished off, from 7p to 11p, music, dancing, pizza. The problem is I have to limit the number of people in this small house. Undoubtedly people will feel left out and feelings are hurt. I used to take her & friends to a local bowling alley, but 2 yrs ago, a young lady who felt very dissed at not being invited to the party came w 3 of her friends, hey it's a public place, but they proceeded to harrass Kris and her friends, let's just say I never in a million years thought anything like that would happen, and it was weird!!

    So, now I am kind of afraid that people will "crash" her party. Kids talk in school, and we already have a steady stream of boys who show up here in groups of 2 or 3, funny, this happens to coincide with a time when one her friends is here, who may happen to like one of the boys. They are all good kids, I just will feel very weird if kids show up uninvited. I am not going to have 50 kids here in my house, not w/o valium anyway.

    I was thinking to have Kris make me a list of the kids who are coming, and if their name isn't on the list to nicely ask them to come back tomorrow?? That seems so bytchy, but they are rowdy when in large groups, esp the boys, you should have heard their cursing, they put me to shame! OR maybe they will have to bring their invitation and can only be admitted w it??

    How can I do this? Do you think I am mean?? I don't want anyone's feeling to be hurt, but I also don't want a controllable situation to get uncontrollable, or have kids retaliate if they are upset about not being invited.

    Last week, with the big storm on Friday, one girl had a party at her house. I told Kris I didn't want her to go b/c the roads would be really icy at 11pm. These kids gave her a really hard time, threatened to tell everyone not to come to her party (Gee, maybe I should've went w that) etc, Kris sobbing, geez, I finally took her.

    Any ideas for keeping it down to 20 kids w/o seeming like snobs by req'ing an invitation, or seeming like a mean person. I mean how can I turn kids away? I would feel so heartless. I am not exaggerating, one of the teachers at the Catholic School told the kids to stop talking about Kristy "Spears" b/c they were all excited Kris was going to their party last week!!

  2. 27 Comments

  3. by   passing thru
    I read an article that said the number of guests invited to birthday parties should equal the number the years of the honoree. E.g., a 15 year old would have 15 guests.
    Your paragraph, last week.... as a parent, tears or no, I would have stuck to my guns. Our #1 duty is always to protect our children.
    Kids who threaten, harass, intimidate, extort, ......who permits THEM to rule? You worry about hurting THEIR feelings?
    It's only your daughter's simple little birthday party. It isn't a Homecoming Queen Celebration at the local stadium.
    She should decide on the guest list and she should make it clear -any invitees who bring along a extra friend or two will be turned away, they are all old enough to understand that an invitation means you are invited . Not you and your buds.
    How old is she?
    You have the right ideas. Don't cave to teenage arrogance and bravadocio.
  4. by   tiger
    that's tough! i understand you not wanting a houseful of kids, but turning some away may not be a good idea either. the way kids are they will probably torment your daughter the next day. like "oh, we weren't good enough..." i think i would opt for a public place instead, provide the cake and maybe snacks, let anyone come, but they have to provide the meal/entertainment on their own.
  5. by   Mkue
    Do you have a garage that would accommodate more kids? instead of using our basement for kids to mess up my oldest son would have parties in our garage when he lived at home, it's a 3-car garage . You could set up a table for the food/drinks, have some folding chairs maybe, games, music etc.
  6. by   passing thru
    And with high school age kids, popularity doesn't really factor into it. They are like a bunch of piranha, they can smell a "free" feast miles away. It's just a place " to hang " and get free snacks and strut their stuff. Your daughters ' presence isn't even necessary.
  7. by   hoolahan
    So true passing thru, they can smell pizza a million miles away.

    No garage mkue, the basement is our solution. It isn't fancy, a few throw rugs on the floor, a stereo some card tables ,a couple strobe lights for parties, they make their own good time.

    She is going to be 14. I like that rule about # of guests = age. I told her no more than 20.... period!!!

    The only thing w public place is it is really hard to police these kids there. At the last time at bowling alley, boys and girls trying to walk outside in the dark, uh I hate to have to play cop, no please stay inside! One girl was soooooo obnoxiously loud, I forbid Kris to invite her to any more parties. A few weeks ago this same bimbo caused a problem at another girls house, starting throwing hunks of ice cream. Funny thing was the B-day girl's mom I don't think liked my dtr much, I think they think if a girl is popular it is b/c she is easy, but Kris thinks a LOT of herself, shje has the highest self-esteem of anyone I have ever known, she really isn't like that. Anyway, this mom asked everyone to go wait outside and made her dtr start to clean up the mess. Well, my dtr was the only one who said she would like to help Becca clean things up, said she felt so bad for Becca that Big Mouth ruined her party, and that nobody else volunteered to help Becca clean up. Becca's mom thanked Kris the other day at dance class for doing that, made me feel proud of her.

    Something about being in a crowd, some of these kids go ape-shyt, and policing them in a public plasce is so embarrassing and harder than calling thier parents to pick them up early!
  8. by   Rustyhammer
    I would enlist the help of some parents.
    Allow them some privacy in the basement (you can do a shot or 2 yourself at this time) and then go down and monitor.
    Set the start time and STOP TIME and stick to it!
    Is there going to be boys there????
  9. by   hoolahan
    Boys, oh yes, there will be boys. These kids "chat" on-line for hours on end, but put them in a room together and they get shy, typically the boys graviate to one side of the room, girls to the other, and just about 30 min before the end of the party, they decide to start mingling! Cracks me up every time!

    Rusty, I like the idea of the shots...excellent idea. this is how I get thru Holiday dinners w family, if they are coming here, I make it rule to have two drinks in before the first guest arrives. I feeling prett y good at that point.

    We give them some privacy, but if it suddenly becomes quiet, we make a round, hubby and I take turns.
  10. by   Rustyhammer
    Oh and Hool?

    I have a question about your avitar.
    Is the Sheltie sitting on a nest??
    A giant sunflower?
    what is that?
  11. by   Mkue
    Originally posted by hoolahan

    We give them some privacy, but if it suddenly becomes quiet, we make a round, hubby and I take turns.
    we do the same thing !
  12. by   kristi915
    Looks like a sunflower rusty........I could be wrong
  13. by   researchrabbit
    I agree with Rusty -- dragoon all the parents you can, keep the lights on in the basement and let them play music and dance (move anything breakable out of harm's way). Have a definite start and end time, and don't let it go more than 1 and a half hours (or offer her a longer party with fewer kids).

    Another ploy MY parents used was to have a tiny B-Day party -- my best friend and my family -- but a bigger party outside when it was warmer (my birthday was in November).

    Good luck!!!
  14. by   hoolahan
    Not a bad idea RR! There are at least a dozen kids w Feb B-days, and we already decided it would have to move to March as the other weekend dasys are "taken. " Maybe we can do an outside party, not only would that solve many problems, but annoy the left-side neighbors whom would deserve it!! Tee Hee!

    Yes Rusty, it's a Sunflower. I like Mattigan's Sheltie avatar better, but I didn't want to be a total copycat. She gave me the link to a Sheltie website w art work, and since I am a re-sizing moron on the puter, I just picked this one which looks like by lassie-love and was already the right size!!

    I hope to eventually get a pic of Shelby actually on there!