Help.. Baby shower drama...

  1. Ok, so my baby shower is supposed to be this weekend. My friend is supposed to the be throwing it. She has been know of no details other than date, place and time. I feel that I should be a good friend and say that she shouldn't have to feel like she should host this due to feeling so bad. I haven't been able to get a hold of her and have no clue as to what I should do. Changing the weekends really isn't an option. Should I just say to have the shower at my house? Uggggghh.. Help, I just don't know what I should do and don't want to step on anyone's toes or make her feel bad.

    Advice please..........
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   colleen10
    Hi Moon,

    Your post is a little confusing to read - "She has been know of no details other than.." and "due to feeling so bad".

    I'm a little confused by what you mean. Do you mean she hasn't let anyone know date, place and time and is she sick or something and is having trouble pulling it all together?

    If you re-word it a bit maybe I/we can help you better.

    These types of situations can always be tricky!! Trust me, I know.
  4. by   moonshadeau
    Sorry, for the confusing post. Blame it on a stressful day 2 deaths and 3 falls in a shift and being charge with this on top.

    I mean that I know of no details of who is coming, what is happening... My friend who is sick knows all the details. I don't want to be a bad friend and say
    "Just calling to see how you are doing and what is up with the shower".

    This thing has been a stressful situation from the beginning. Now my mother just told me that I am "being spoiled" because most people have their shower AFTER the baby is born.

    Am I being spoiled? Should I stress so much? My friend is notorious for being a very strong starter and a less than strong finisher. Help.
  5. by   MelRN13
    Most people that I know of have had their baby showers before the baby is born. This shower is in honor of you! You shouldn't be afraid to ask her about the details. I would want to know who is coming to my shower and what to expect(ie are there going to be games? Appetizers or buffet?)
  6. by   SingingNurse2
    I agree with Melissa, you have a right to check in on the plans for the shower. I'm not the best follow through person myself and personally would appreciate the reminder call to get my but in gear. Not that I'm lazy, I just normally am overextending myself and therefore usually forgetting to do many things till last minute.

    No - do not offer to have it at your house or to help in any way. Either she does it or doesn't do it. You know beforehand that she may not do it very well, so accept that and be willing to forgive any hurt feelings you may have. She means well and that's all that matters.

    As far as your mother - all showers should be BEFORE the event, ie a wedding, baby's birth, housewarming - so you have what you need when you need it. That way you know what you are going to receive in gifts and what you need to go out and buy yourself.

    And puleeeaaaaase! You're supposed to be spoiled! When a women gets married and pregnant are the only two times in her life she gets the attention - enjoy it!

    (By the way, congratulations!)
  7. by   moonshadeau
    The shower is officially cancelled 36 hours before it is supposed to happen. My mother offered to do the shower apparently, but my friend who was doing said that she was going to do it but it was going to be 6 weeks after I deliver. In other terms, it ain't gonna happen at all. Now at least I can relax a little knowing what is and isn't happening....

    Thanks all for the advice. I was quite appalled when my mother said I was spoiled. I can see if being upset and carrying if it got cancelled a week ago, but 2 days. Not that I felt that I was carrying on anyway.....
  8. by   SingingNurse2
    I am soooooooo sorry moon, that has to be so disappointing. I would love to come give you a big hug right now. It seems you really have some insensitive people around you. Keep your chin up and just enjoy planning for that little one!
  9. by   canoehead
    What a bunch. A simple shower isn't a big deal, just ask the guests to bring a simple dessert, hostess provides the tea/coffee, and have a money tree if no one had time to get gifts. You deserve a celebration and support from friends and family, and if you don't get it and are disappointed, no , I don't think you are acting spoiled. It is good form, I think to call a few days beforehand and ask the hostess if you can assist in any way-just as it is expected that she will assure you that everything is taken care of. I also think that some surprises are OK too. You can't control everything, and who would want to?
  10. by   Jenny P
    Hey Moonshadeau, that is really the pits! Your friend and Mom were both inconsiderate to you, the preggers Mom-to-Be!

  11. by   NRSKarenRN
    Could this all be because they don't want you to know the details and want it to be a suprise?? If it doesn't turn out that way, then I'd have one less friend in the future. The two times a woman has for herself are wedding and baby showers. Sounds like the pregancy hormones are doing a dance with your emotions too. Sending you a{{{{{{{{{{ Philly Hug}}}}}}}}}}.
  12. by   nursedawn67
    When my first daughter was born I had 2...count them 2 baby showers BEFORE she was born, had one in southern michigan and then one up north...this way we covered ALL the family. I'm sorry to hears your got cancelled, but I'm sure you WILL get one. Good luck and no you are not be spoiled!

  13. by   colleen10
    Hi Moon, that stinks big time!!!!!

    I will hope that NRS Karen is right and that this is all some ploy to make you think the shower is off and then they will surprise you!

    If not, what are all the guests supposed to do with the gifts they bought you? and what are you supposed to use for the baby for the 6 weeks after the baby is born?

    The only shower I have ever heard of that was held after a baby was born was when the baby came earlier than expected and got there before the scheduled shower.

    If the shower isn't until 6 weeks after the big event how are you supposed to know what you need? What if all of the really important stuff like bathtubs, high chairs, seats, etc. has allready been purchased from your registry list?

    This is absolutely rediculous and if I were you I would demand that someone hold the shower for me pronto.

    If it were me someone better be planning a really great surprise shower for me or everyone would hear about!

    Good Luck I do hope hope in the end you get a shower.

    PS, is it possible that your friend really was planning on having it this weekend but when she spoke to your mom about it your mom may have convinced her to postpone it til after the baby is born since that's the way she thinks it should be done?
    Last edit by colleen10 on May 9, '03
  14. by   ktwlpn
    wow-I thought my husbands clan were uncouth.I hope it is a ploy to surprise you-if not then I hope your friend throws you shower after the baby is born.If not-I would rethink that friendship.You have to be a friend to have a friend-and she sounds like the type that can't work at it....I had a shower at work and then my froends and family hosted one-AFTER the baby was born per my mother-in law-...Because what if SOMETHING HAPPENS? How freaking morbid is that? My bro in law and his wife just adopted 2 children.Her family planned a shower-my sis in law was supposed to check with the rest of us regarding dates and did not...Not ONE member of the husbands family is attending-including his mother..If it were my shower and my mom in law did not show and none of my sis in laws came my feelings would be hurt(6 of us in all)...I have a WEDDING that day-after I work half of a shift....The rest of them don't really have any thing major going on...Tasteless....crass....My sis in law is going to have the family over Memorial Day weekend and have a shower for our side....I just don't get it.....These things are supposed to be FUN.......