Heinous or forgivable

  1. Ok all, give me imput on this situation. Should I say something to her, or is this just hormones that are getting me worked up and I should forget it.

    I am getting married next friday the 28th in Las Vegas. It is a very small, simple wedding in which is exactly what we want.

    I have a friend that I have known since we were 12 and have been on and off best friends. I had been avoiding her calls since about December because she always makes me feel inadequate about something. My wedding is very SIMPLE. Hers in July is going to be the event of the year. She asks me things like "do I have a guest book, do I have something old..., do I have party favors for guests and it goes on and on.

    So I finally broke down and told her the wedding details on Sunday. Las Vegas is going to be completely full because of the Nascar race and the boxing match, so I had hoped travel plans would be limited.

    Needless to say, on Tuesday while at work she called my fiancee to say that she had plane tickets but no hotel and could she stay with us. HELLO, they don't call it the HONEYMOON suite for nothin'. Fiancee was more tactful and said that she could stay in our room but would have to sleep on the floor. She said oh, no, I can't sleep on the floor!

    Then she apparently calls my mother and asks if she can stay with her. MY mother cannot stand this person. So what possessed her to say yes is beyond me.

    In hindsight, I probably should just have had the guts to tell her that I didn't want her there. But what kind of idiot asks to stay in the honeymoon suite?

    Am I just being b**chy?
  2. 23 Comments

  3. by   Purple_RN

    I don't think you are being *****y at all. It is your wedding and your day and her asking you if she can stay with you in your honeymoon suite is insane! Your mom probably said yes cause she was put on the spot. At least that is what I would have probably done to even if I despised that person. Do you really not want this friend to come to your wedding? Cause you are kind of in a catch 22 situation where if you didn't tell her about the wedding she would be pissed, but on the other hand you tell her then she comes and now your annoyed. Isn't life grand There has got to be a least one room available for her even if it is off the strip. I don't think she tried hard enough to find a room. It is probably not a good idea to tell her not to come unless you like to have drama in your life. At this point just grin and bear it and don't let her rain on your beautiful wedding day. Good luck and let me know what happens.

    Take Care,

  4. by   renerian
    You could always say due to space constraints and the fact that now your mother has other family staying there, there is no where for your "friend" to stay. It is your day. If she will cause you one inkling of distress you could say you have decided to make the event smaller and the plans have changed. If she does not understand then I guess she is not a true friend.

    Does she have to be there?

    Tough call,

  5. by   BadBird
    Contratulations on your wedding. That said, call this friend and tell her NO she can not stay with you or your mother before she ruins your wedding. WTF, the nerve of some people! Was she always pushy like this? Your wife to be sounds like a saint, I sure would not put up with that. Good luck.
  6. by   LasVegasRN
    Ahhh, I hear of this happening very often here. People hear of the Vegas wedding, all of a sudden people pop out of the woodwork to attend, and they expect you to assist in accomodating them.

    Her actions were pushy, to say the least, but it doesn't have to damper your plans. If your mother agreed to let her "crash" in her hotel room, that is between her and your mother. You are not responsible for her while you are here. Period.

    So, CONGRATULATIONS, enjoy your day, and remember: It's YOUR day. And newlyweds mysteriously disappear after weddings in a good way alllllllll the time in FABULOUS Las Vegas!!

    p.s. Let me know if you'd like to do a post-nuptial shot in the big chair.
  7. by   Stargazer
    I hope the thread title has to do with your incredibly clueless friend's behavior and not yours, because you haven't done anything wrong.

    For everyone's else's benefit, though, I will remind you that the way to explain not inviting someone who is trying to push their way into your wedding is simply to say regretfully but pleasantly, "I'm so sorry, but this is a very small celebration--we're only inviting family."

    Of course, how you choose to define "family" is up to you.
  8. by   zudy
    moonshadeau, there is a reason you avoid this persons phone calls, she is TOXIC. She needs to be avoided. She is not a friend to you, stay withyou on your honeymoon!!!! Call her and ask her if you can spend the nite with HER on her wedding nite Where does she get off? Lose her , she is trouble.
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Well all I can add is, she may have been your friend at 12, but at this point, you guys are grown apart. Don't avoid her; (she is clueless and does not get it); be direct and tell her she cannot stay with you and like said above, the wedding is a tight family event and she simply cannot be included. Take the direct approach to avoid further uncomfortable situations like this in the future, cause life is TOO short. Times change and so do people. Sounds like you have nothing in common any longer so don't waste your time w/this. You have a whole new life ahead of you and apparently, it won't include her. So be it.

    And just remember, she cannot make you feel inadequate without your express permission,! She may be HEINOUS, but it's entirely FORGIVEABLE AND FORGETABLE, in light of your new future. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Feb 21, '03
  10. by   colleen10
    Hmmmmm...... I betcha Miss Manners or Ask Prudence have volumes on this kind of situation.

    All in all, if you don't want her there call her back and explain that it is a small family function and you are very limited on the # of attendees and that while you appreciate her going to the trouble to get to Vegas, there is certainly no way for her to stay with you (my goodness!) and that your mum has someone else staying with her. No room at the inn!

    She should get the hint, although, I can really be surprised by some people's cluelessness. If you are worried about hurting her feelings, well, you don't want her there anyway and the two of you don't sound very close if you have had an off-again, on-again type of friendship.

    I'm with good 'ole Blue Eyes. Be direct and to the point.

    And your poor mum! She probably lost her head in the spur of the moment.
  11. by   hoolahan
    Congratulations moonshadeau, I am very happy for you and your honey. I think you are so smart and it is such a cool idea to ditch the crowd phenomenon and go to Vegas.

    Unfortunately, you didn't have the cahunas to get rid of your friend, I suspect that is b/c you are a sweet and sensitive person. :kiss Your friend on the other hand must be a complete boob to ask to stay w you in the Honeymoon suite. I mean after all, she wasn't even invited to the wedding.

    My advice? Have your mom call her and say another relative has decided to attend from a far away country, and so they must give the space to the relative, since she was invited, and didn't originally thihnk she could make it.

    You shouldn't feel bad b/c you didn't invite her...period, you do not owe her anything.

    Best wishes for your future happiness!!
  12. by   shygirl
    You know, it's not too late to call her up and tell her you don't want her there! Just do it. Get it over with and free yourself from having to have your day spoiled! If she meant anything to you, she would have been invited. Am I right?
    Totally tacky to call your fiance! Weird of him to say she could sleep on the floor too!

  13. by   kittyw
    Did you even invite her? She sounds manipulative. And do you really want someone there who is going to go on and on later about how your wedding was lacking in this or that detail? (Of course your wedding will be how YOU and your finance want it and s***w what she thinks) How tacky of her to call your finance and ask to stay with you all!!!!! HELLO.

    Best of luck to you!!
  14. by   cactus wren
    Originally posted by kittyw
    Did you even invite her? She sounds manipulative. And do you really want someone there who is going to go on and on later about how your wedding was lacking in this or that detail? (Of course your wedding will be how YOU and your finance want it and s***w what she thinks) How tacky of her to call your finance and ask to stay with you all!!!!! HELLO.

    Best of luck to you!!


    and, hope you get a chance to steal a few minutes and get a pic taken in the BIG CHAIR !!!