havin' a bad day....

  1. Hey everyone:
    I'm hanging out here trying not to think. I called off work even though I'm not sick, I'm just having a really bad, emotional day.
    My stupid friend Tapestry taught me how to dial into the dictaphone at work so I could hear my CT results. Stupid, right? What is more stupid is that I listened to them. And heard some stuff I didn't need to hear.
    So, among other things like my bilateral ovarian cysts and free fluid in the cul de sac (I always have ovarian cysts, and they aren't that uncommon for a woman in her 20s, right?)... I have enlarged lymph nodes at the mandibular, submental, and internal jugular region (level 1 and level 4 involvement? what the hell does that mean?) Which wouldn't alarm me except I just had blood work done and my white count is normal, and my primary site was a temporal melanoma.
    So you can all guess what wild conclusions I'm jumping to, right? Even though I know its stupid and unhealthy yada yada yada, and it could be something completely benign, but........ I really don't want to be on this ride all over again.
    Biopsies, surgeries, treatments.
    Choosing between work and school because I obviously couldn't do both if I need to be in treatment again.
    God! I suck!
    I think I'm going to go make some bbq meatballs.
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  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   kelligrl
    I'm so sorry Rebecca..That really sucks...I don't know what it means or anything, but just hearing it must scare the shyt out of you. I'm keeping good thoughts for you!! Take care, and try not to dwell and worry...
  4. by   Love-A-Nurse
    rebecca, hang in there and keep the faith!
  5. by   l.rae
    Rebecca, have called your md and asked?....l'm not certain, but sometimes allergies or upper resp stuff can cause some swelling of nodes....my son has a prominent cervicle node...has had it most of his life...it;s nothin...w/your hx though...best to chk out...let us know..........u r in my prayers.....l will chk back later..........LR
  6. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Rebecca - you're in my thoughts. You don't suck, it's just that sometimes being a nurse sucks. Sometimes all that knowledge IS a dangerous thing.

    I'm here for ya if you need to talk. PM anytime.....

    Heather
  7. by   NurseDennie
    ((((((Rebecca))))))))

    I don't know what it means either. You're right - it might just be doc-speak for pretty much nuttin.

    Don't beat yourself up about listening to the report!!! How could you not, if you know how???

    The *only* thing that's different from waiting for your next appointment is not having doc right there to answer your questions at the time you heard the results, before they had time to fret you.

    All the same, it upset you and you need to take time off and rest and relax and eat BBQ meatballs.

    Thinking of and praying for you, MsPurp

    Love

    Dennie
  8. by   Q.
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    You don't suck, it's just that sometimes being a nurse sucks.



    Heather
    Yeah, it DOES suck. Alot lately. (you know what I am talking about Heather.)

    There are times I really, really, really, REALLY hate this profession. Now is one of them.
    I don't think I would EVER encourage anyone to become a nurse.
  9. by   warrior woman
    MSpurp, Take it one day at a time. Take it one hour at a time if you have to. You must not try to predict the future as hard as that is. We all want to know the answersNOW. That's part of our humanness. But only one person knows what the future holds. Trust in Him. God will carry you through this.He wil take you in his embrce and shield you from ALL HARM. Trust in Him. Take it from someone who knows. If it wouldn't be so I WOULDN'TBE HERE. I'll be saying fervent prayers for you in your hour of need. pm me if you need to talk. It's going to work out my friend. Wait and see. Warrior Woman.
  10. by   moonchild20002000
    Rebecca,
    I don't know what your results mean.

    I hope that you have an appointment scheduled soon with your doctor.It's only natural that you would get your results,I think most of us would. Enjoy the meatballs,try to keep busy.you are in my thoughts and prayers!
  11. by   Q.
    You know MsPurp, I have having such a day myself that I didn't even offer you any support.

    Sorry, girl.


    (((((MsPurp)))))))
  12. by   Kayzee
    Mspurp
    You need to speak with your doc as soon as possible to ease your mind. Without having an explanation to your condotion, your mind will run rampant. Have Faith that things will work out for you. Will say a prayer for you.
  13. by   live4today
    originally posted by l.rae
    rebecca, have called your md and asked?....l'm not certain, but sometimes allergies or upper resp stuff can cause some swelling of nodes....my son has a prominent cervicle node...has had it most of his life...it;s nothin...w/your hx though...best to chk out...let us know..........u r in my prayers.....l will chk back later..........lr
    l.rae.....this describes me to a "t". i was thinking the same thing. aren't we special! :kiss

    ((((((((((hugs to you rebecca)))))))))) you'll be in my prayers tonight.
  14. by   live4today
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    Rebecca - you're in my thoughts. You don't suck, it's just that sometimes being a nurse sucks. Sometimes all that knowledge IS a dangerous thing.

    I'm here for ya if you need to talk. PM anytime.....

    Heather

    Rebecca...........DITTO TO WHAT HEATHER HAS SAID. :kiss

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