Have a question (ATTN. OB/GYN/Postpartum/NICU)

  1. Hi! I wanted to throw this question out to you wonderful folks, in particular L&D/Postpartum/NICU folks......But I'll take input from whomever...

    Most of you know that I lost my 12 day old son due to complications from birth defects in July 2002.

    I have been trying to think of things to do in his memory. I do plan to buy preemie outfits and blankets and donate these to the NICU where he was born. I am also planning on making donations to several charities in his name.

    On a grief support site I frequently go to, a lady there had asked us what we thought about her idea of donating teddy bears to local hospitals (in our respective areas)-these bears to be given to mothers whose baby had died-whether through miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death. I can speak from experience that it is heartbreaking to leave a hospital without your baby in your arms...With these bears, these mothers would have something to hold.

    Just wanted to get some input from professionals...Thanks for "listening"..

    Ginger
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   at your cervix
    Ginger,
    I think that is a great idea. We gave bears to our mom's with a loss in another hospital where I worked and it was a great idea. Some mom's it wasn't always appropriate, but most it was. I always stressed to the mom that this was in no way to replace her baby, it was in memory of and most really liked it.
  4. by   emily_mom
    I think that's a great idea! Also, do you have a Ronald McDonald house near your hospital? My SIL and I (she had twins at 28 wks) made baskets for all the rooms at Christmas time. They had things for kids to do and some nice things for Mom. Also a book of poetry (inspirational). She also made quilts for the NICU. And she started a change drive for the RM House and collected close to $1000.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Doing things for others in pain can help. Many parents feel as though they are alone during this time. You are an angel....

    Kristy
  5. by   Love4Me
    I too lost my only daughter in June 2002 due to birth defects (Turner's Syndrome), however, she was stillborn. At the hospital I gave birth, they put a pretty white dress and a hand made hat on her before I got to see and hold her. I was able to keep these garments as a memoire. I was also given a pretty purple bag that said "we will always love you". It is big enough to hold many memoires. They too gave me a teddy bear. All of these things are of great comfort too me when I think of her.

    Sorry to hear of your loss. I understand first hand how you must feel. I am now crying my eyes out so I gotta go.
  6. by   hapeewendy
    I'm sorry to hear of your losses....
    I cant imagine how you must have felt and still feel , I think its amazing that even in times of great heartache and tragedy that people can rally and try to ease the suffering for others...
    your babies are smiling down on you ,and are proud that you are their mommies
  7. by   Love4Me
    Oh yeah, with all of the emotion I almsot forgot, I decided to start making very small blankets (some knitted, some crocheted, some just fleece with a ribbon rim) and donate these to the local hospitals. I would have liked to have had a nice blanket that she could have been wrapped in to keep as a memory (instead of the recycled receiving blankets the hospital used.
  8. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I am so sorry for your losses. One lovely thing I suggest to those losing babies is to plant a tree or rosebush or other perenniel (sp?)in their memory. Or you can give to a charitable fund in their name and/or memory. Some purchase "spaces", bricks, or stained glass window segment placards at church in their memory, also. Some with the money to, establish scholarships in the name of those that died. Some just keep a memory box with ultrasound pictures, locks of hair, pictures, etc. in their memory. There are many ways. These ways to commemorate the lost are as varied as those who mourn them.

    Have you been to an infant/pregnancy loss support group? Ideas abound at those meetings about the kindest ways to remember those we lost. I did not lose an infant, but have had pregnancy losses nonetheless. (recently also). The tough thing about early loss is there is nothing tangible to cling to or to bury when you go through this. So in a small way, I know how you feel. I commemorated my losses with memory boxes and rose bushes. Each person must find his/her way and go with it. Again, I cannot say how sorry I am for your losses. Your sorrow is deep but I understand.
  9. by   ?burntout
    Originally posted by emily_mom
    I think that's a great idea! Also, do you have a Ronald McDonald house near your hospital? My SIL and I (she had twins at 28 wks) made baskets for all the rooms at Christmas time. They had things for kids to do and some nice things for Mom. Also a book of poetry (inspirational). She also made quilts for the NICU. And she started a change drive for the RM House and collected close to $1000.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Doing things for others in pain can help. Many parents feel as though they are alone during this time. You are an angel....

    Kristy
    We don't have a Ronald McDonald house here locally-the hospital where Blake (my son) died had one......it is 2 hours south from where I live.....I am considering sending them a donation in his name though.

    That is why I am wanting to do things in Blake's memory-to help myself and hopefully, take away someone else's pain....plus keeping his memory alive.....
    Thank you for your response.....:kiss

    Ginger
  10. by   ?burntout
    Thank you all for your responses........:kiss

    Ginger
  11. by   KRVRN
    Such nice ideas. I've heard of some groups giving grieving moms teddy bears with 5lb. weights inside them. Feels heavier than a regular teddy bear and more like a newborn. I've heard that moms say it gives more comfort to hold a heavier teddy bear, rather than a regular teddy bear.

    Gosh, but I've only HEARD of something like this, I honestly have no idea if what I was hearing was only in a certain city or if a widespread manufacturer makes them. Anyone else know?
  12. by   nurs4kids
    Ginger,
    So sorry to hear about your loss. From your previous post, I assume you're in the Huntsville area? Anything you do will help other's, so the choice is up to you. The Ronald Mc'D House is an excellent charity and does provide out of town parent's of children in PICU/NICU a place to sleep on a space-available basis. They charge the parent's $5 a night and they also have to do some "chore" around the house. It's a welcomed relief for many parents. I could be wrong, but I really don't figure they're hurting for funds.

    I love the idea about the blankets. Also, little footies and premature sleepers are always an added bonus. These items directly help the babies in NICU.

    As for keeping Blake's memory alive, there are a few things I've seen done around the hospital. The most prevelant and HIGHLY usable thing is the donation of a Radial Flyer Wagon, decorated and with "In Memory of......" painted on the back of it. These wagons are a welcomed site at the hospital, as kids love them, so we use them to transport the patients almost as much as we use wheelchairs. You may want to check and see if the local hospital allows them in THEIR peds unit, so you could keep his memory local.

    Also, Children's Hospital has a "brick drive" going right now. The bricks are $50 each and you can have it engraved in his memory. They are being placed on the sidewalk outside The Harbor Center (across from the main hospital) on 6th Ave South. I bought one of these in memory of my 16yr old niece who died in a MVA back in '01.

    Put a call into the NICU in your area and ask for the charge nurse. Tell them what you are doing and ask what you could do to help the patients/families.

    Anything you do, I'm sure, will be greatly appreciated and whether in writing or in spirit, will carry Blake's memory. My heart goes out to you..
    I can't imagine.
    Let me know if I can be of assistance...
    If you're wanting to spread your love beyond your local area, I'll be happy to call our NICU and get some ideas.
    God Bless You and your angel!
  13. by   ?burntout
    Originally posted by KRVRN
    Such nice ideas. I've heard of some groups giving grieving moms teddy bears with 5lb. weights inside them. Feels heavier than a regular teddy bear and more like a newborn. I've heard that moms say it gives more comfort to hold a heavier teddy bear, rather than a regular teddy bear.

    Gosh, but I've only HEARD of something like this, I honestly have no idea if what I was hearing was only in a certain city or if a widespread manufacturer makes them. Anyone else know?
    I found this through my grief support site.......
    Comfort Cubs
    San Diego Hospice
    (619)688-1600

    If I read the info right-these bears are FREE!!!
  14. by   ?burntout
    Originally posted by nurs4kids
    As for keeping Blake's memory alive, there are a few things I've seen done around the hospital. The most prevelant and HIGHLY usable thing is the donation of a Radial Flyer Wagon, decorated and with "In Memory of......" painted on the back of it. These wagons are a welcomed site at the hospital, as kids love them, so we use them to transport the patients almost as much as we use wheelchairs. You may want to check and see if the local hospital allows them in THEIR peds unit, so you could keep his memory local.
    That is a great idea....they use these wagons at the hospital where I work...I will call and see if they need a new one..

    Thank you so much!:kiss

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