Has anyone ever used a PI?

  1. I just found out last night that my ex went to Flordia with his girlfriend, our son, and her daughter. He's done this before and had his girlfriend sleep in his bed.

    Now I don't care who he sleeps with as long as our son isn't present. My son has commented that he doesn't like to talk about his dad or their trips because "daddy does stuff that's wrong".

    I've thought about hiring a PI to get evidence and try to put a stop to the overnight guests when my son is there. He only sees him every other weekend... you'd think he could keep it zipped for just 4 nights a month!! I wouldn't even care if our son was too young to understand, but he does.

    Anyone ever have any experience with a PI?

    Ahhh, the joys of divorce.
    Kitty
    •  
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   BBnurse34
    A PI is likely to be very expensive, you never know how long it will take to come up with the goods.
    I am sure that the money could be better used in your family.
    Try talking to your ex about it. Obviously his new girlfriend doesn't care if her daughter is exposed to them sleeping together.
    I am not even sure that proving that your ex sleeps with his girlfriend when your son is there would make a difference to the court. Lots of blended families are doing the same thing.
  4. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    I tend to agree with BBnurse34. Unless he is having sex with this woman right in front of the kids, I don't see what the big offense is. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't like it and I understand your feelings. But it's not against the law to move on to another relationship after one is finished.

    I'm concerned about these things "wrong things" that your son says he's doing.

    Heather
  5. by   kittyw
    Originally posted by BBnurse34
    A PI is likely to be very expensive, you never know how long it will take to come up with the goods.
    I am sure that the money could be better used in your family.
    Try talking to your ex about it. Obviously his new girlfriend doesn't care if her daughter is exposed to them sleeping together.
    I am not even sure that proving that your ex sleeps with his girlfriend when your son is there would make a difference to the court. Lots of blended families are doing the same thing.
    It is PROHIBITED in our divorce decree for him to do this. If I catch him, he can be thrown in jail. He's doing it TONIGHT... this weekend. I frankly DO NOT want my son to think the sleeping around is what men should do.... it's a thing you save till marriage (at least that's how I want my son taught).

    My ex frankly doesn't care ... he's only concerned about his little brain. I've asked him to stop doing this in front of our son, and his reply is "so what are you going to do about it?" in a very flip way. The only way to stop him is to get the court to slap his wrists.

    I know his new girlfriend.... she doesn't care about her daughter...
    Her daughter got strep and she didn't take her to get medical care until she developed scarlet fever... and she's a NURSE!!!! She could see all the s/s and never took her to a doc despite the 105 temp she ran for DAYS. What kind of person would do that?? Let alone a nurse (BSN) that should know better & has health insurance. She's not someone that my son should see sleeping with daddy as a girlfriend. I've known her for 10 years ... she's a very flighty individual.
  6. by   BadBird
    I don't know about a PI, did you call your lawyer and discuss limiting your ex's visitation? I am concerned that your son realizes that his father is doing wrong things, that worries me more than anything else. Have you thought about a therapist for your son, someone nonjudgemental who isn't in the middle and whom he can confide in? I wish you luck.
  7. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by kittyw
    It is PROHIBITED in our divorce decree for him to do this. If I catch him, he can be thrown in jail.
    He is PROHIBITED from becoming involved in another relationship?

    Heather
  8. by   live4today
    Here I am to your rescue my dear. I did indeed hire a PI during my first marriage to find out what my first husband was up to. It cost a couple thousand dollars....not my money, but his....so what did I care. :chuckle

    Was it worth it? Ya dam skippy it was worth every penny, and I'd do it again if I had it to do all over again. It saved me a lot of grief to find out what his azz was up to...then I moved on with my life as it became with three kids in tote.

    You could hire cheaters anonymous....you know the show that is on t.v. They have a website of their own, too. They would nail him to a wall for proof! :chuckle

    Kittyw....divorce sucks, babes.....(((((((hugs)))))))...and I know you are hurting still. :kiss

    Talk about this situation with your attorney for suggestions from him/her as to how you should handle this, and how the courts would handle this. I'm also concerned big time about what your son means when he says his daddy is doing "wrong things" he doesn't like. This should definitely be followed up on ASAP! Get him and you into family therapy to help you both heal, and to help you determine if his father and girlfriend are doing things in his presence, or to him, that is frightening him.

    Let your attorney know right away about this to see if you can prevent your ex from taking your son until further investigation of what your son is referring to. No courts will fault you for trying to protect your child against something that may be detrimental to his health and mental psyche.

    BTW....how old is your son? How old is the woman's daughter?
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse
    kitty, you sound bitter about your ex and his friend.

    if your ex is doing something that your child should not see or hear (directly in front of) i would tell my lawyer. putting your child in the middle of what is going on (asking him questions) is not healthy. i am not judging you but the tone (as i read it) of your post is what i am going on.

    why would you hire a pi if your son knows the facts. he would be the best witness and it may revoke his father priviledges unless he "clean" up his act.

    i am curious to know what things your husband is doing, if i may, this may help to better replie other than to say, i pray all goes well.

    i would be careful not to bash your ex or his friend in front of your son, if indeed you are.



  10. by   kittyw
    He is PROHIBITED from becoming involved in another relationship?


    NO - He's prohibited from having a girl spend the night when my son IS THERE. For four nights a month he has to have his girlfriend spend the night elsewhere or marry her. I couldn't care less who he's sleeping with, but my son doesn't need to learn that it's okay to screw around. He's 6 - I want him to learn how to treat a woman right - open doors and say thank-you & please and be nice and all that not what he's seeing his dad do (my ex has had 27 "girlfriends" over the last 6 months - not that I'm counting but he likes to flaunt it so I can't help but see it) And yea I'm a little irritated that a NURSE let her daughter who was 4 at the time develop scarlet fever - as far as I'm concerned that's child abuse - one thing I CANNOT STAND from anyone.

    I don't bash my ex in front of him... my son tells me that daddy lies... and yes I've told my son that lying is wrong (but not in conjunction to his dad... just that lying in general is wrong - I caught him the other day lying to me so we had to have that talk and he's finally put it together that his dad is lying to me - HE put it together NOT ME TELLING HIM). Plus I would never ever as my son to tell a judge what his daddy was doing - I couldn't imagine the pain it would cause.

    Anyways, Renee - was it easy to work with the PI? The money is going to be coming from my ex anyways, so that doesn't concern me ... just never did this sort of thing before.
    Last edit by kittyw on Oct 11, '02
  11. by   live4today
    Hi Kittyw :kiss

    Yes, I found it very easy to work with the PI. He didn't stay around long....got quickly on the case...solved it even quicker...and the pics were ready for the judge to see before our next court hearing. I was quite pleased with the PI's work.
  12. by   kittyw
    Renee

    How did you find him? Just seems like an easier way to get him to do what we agreed to.
  13. by   live4today
    He came highly recommended by a nurse I went to college with. Don't even recall his name today, but he was straight up with me.

    What I found out was powerful! Hubby had a woman with child (his child in utero) and a child by her first failed marriage living seven minutes from my front door while he and I and our three children were still a family. I had NOOOOOOOOOO earthly idea that man was capable of being so down right evil, deceitful, pathetic, sociopathic, unworthy of my trust or wifely devotion........

    He is satan himself....that was proven to me through all of that drama. How long must one live with someone to really really know them????????

    The answer to that question is: We can never really know...truly know...another human being, yet we sell ourselves to another person based on what they say or do allllllllllllllllllllll the *******' time.
  14. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by kittyw
    he is prohibited from becoming involved in another relationship?


    no - he's prohibited from having a girl spend the night when my son is there. for four nights a month he has to have his girlfriend spend the night elsewhere or marry her. i couldn't care less who he's sleeping with, but my son doesn't need to learn that it's okay to screw around. he's 6 - i want him to learn how to treat a woman right - open doors and say thank-you & please and be nice and all that not what he's seeing his dad do (my ex has had 27 "girlfriends" over the last 6 months - not that i'm counting but he likes to flaunt it so i can't help but see it) and yea i'm a little irritated that a nurse let her daughter who was 4 at the time develop scarlet fever - as far as i'm concerned that's child abuse - one thing i cannot stand from anyone.

    i don't bash my ex in front of him... my son tells me that daddy lies... and yes i've told my son that lying is wrong (but not in conjunction to his dad... just that lying in general is wrong - i caught him the other day lying to me so we had to have that talk and he's finally put it together that his dad is lying to me - he put it together not me telling him). plus i would never ever as my son to tell a judge what his daddy was doing - i couldn't imagine the pain it would cause.

    anyways, renee - was it easy to work with the pi? the money is going to be coming from my ex anyways, so that doesn't concern me ... just never did this sort of thing before.
    didn't know he was 6. hang in there, kitty.

close