hamster story....

  1. a friend sent this to me today in an e-mail.....


    Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what
    happened:

    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
    "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in
    his room.

    "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad.
    Can you help?"

    I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him
    into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his
    back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

    Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having
    babies."

    "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!

    I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said
    we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

    "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage,?" she
    inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

    "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in
    my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

    "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

    "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she
    informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?) By now the rest of
    the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding
    to make the best of it.

    "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced.
    "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

    "OH, Gross!", they shrieked.

    "Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to do with a
    litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do
    think she was being snotty here, too. don't you?) We peered at the
    patient.

    After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly,
    vanishing a scant second later.

    "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

    "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

    "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when
    it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several
    more times with the same results.

    "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe
    they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with
    the females in my house?)

    "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

    We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

    Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

    "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.
    (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

    The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
    animal through a magnifying glass.

    "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.

    "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I
    speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to
    step outside.

    "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

    Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."

    "What!?"

    "You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come
    into maturity, like most male species, they um.... er.... masturbate.
    Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.

    "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr.. Cameron." We were silent,
    absorbing this.

    "So Ernie's just...just...Excited?", my wife offered.

    "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

    More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
    And then even laugh loudly.

    "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the
    woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless
    manliness.

    Tears were now running down her face.

    "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

    "That's enough," I warned.

    We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and
    our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

    "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he
    told me

    "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.


    2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks...
    1 - Cage - 20 bucks
    Trip to the Vet ...30 bucks...
    Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's
    Wacker........Priceless!
    Last edit by nurseunderwater on Apr 11, '04
    •  
  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   jemb


    That is hilarious!
  4. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Learning something new everyday.
  5. by   nursedawn67
    I read that to my family I'm visiting at...they are all rolling around laughing! Too good!!!
  6. by   jnette
    that was a hoooooooooooooooooooot !!!

    a must send-on !

    thanks for a good belly laugh ! :chuckle
  7. by   canoehead
    Oh, hooray for little Ernie who became a man today!

    Ummm...should we post a poll? If your hamster is excited, how many nurses would know what to do, and are willing to do it? OMG Poor little guy will be spoiled for anybody else.
  8. by   nurseunderwater
    Quote from canoehead
    Oh, hooray for little Ernie who became a man today!

    Ummm...should we post a poll? If your hamster is excited, how many nurses would know what to do, and are willing to do it? OMG Poor little guy will be spoiled for anybody else.
    i don't know....after the debate we had about the quad pts and sexual tension it could get kinda heated
  9. by   unknown99
    OMG!!! THAT IS TOO FUNNY!! I nearly wet myself!!!!
  10. by   scrubs70
    Too Funny :roll
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from canoehead
    Oh, hooray for little Ernie who became a man today!

    Ummm...should we post a poll? If your hamster is excited, how many nurses would know what to do, and are willing to do it? OMG Poor little guy will be spoiled for anybody else.
    Oh dear that was my first thought too . . . . :chuckle

    steph
  12. by   suzanne4
    Too funny................
  13. by   karenG


    I needed the laugh............!!

    Karen
  14. by   Shotzie
    I am still laughing, 15 minutes later!!!
    This one has been copied and sent out to all my nurse friends and other people who have a wacko sense of humor.
    Thank-you, Thank-you, thank-you for sharing this story!!!

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